by Sean Orr | Comedy of errors: Spill response boat sinks as Prime Minister appears to backtrack on tanker ban promise. Time to lower the boom on this guy. Time to destroy the delicate, traditional clam beds of Ottawa…

99 arrests in Ottawa as students confront Trudeau over pipelines. 99, eh? Such an iconic Canadian number.

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take: Think Canada is a progressive paradise? That’s mooseshit. Or, what my friend Jorge Amigo cleverly calls “Maplewashing.”

Case in point: Pete McMartin: This is egalitarian Canada, so why should private schools get public money? “You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes…” (Yes, I know that’s like the 5th time I’ve referenced Monty Python’s constitutional peasant, but I don’t care).

Because…Poor kids who do everything right don’t do better than rich kids who do everything wrong.

What’s going on? Well, it’s all about glass floors and glass ceilings. Rich kids who can go work for the family business — and, in Canada at least, 70 percent of the sons of the top 1 percent do just that — or inherit the family estate don’t need a high school diploma to get ahead. It’s an extreme example of what economists call “opportunity hoarding.”

Which just makes the following statement by Bill Morneau even more rage-inducing: Young Canadians should get used to precarious employment: Finance Minister. Oh great, so Old Economy Steve is our Finance Minister now. Just great.

I guess the only way to get back to The Good Life is to just Frank Abagnale, Jr. it: The society crasher: How one man has been living Toronto’s high life — allegedly without paying for it. A hero for our times.

Also in Toronto: Someone is hilariously trolling Toronto condo proposals.

And now… Vancouver. In fact, the most Vancouver thing ever…

#peakvancouver of the day: @lululemon puts an ad that says “stand here” in the middle of a bike path… pic.twitter.com/f8CJdybzef

— SEAN ORR (@seanorr) October 22, 2016

It sums everything up so perfectly. Especially considering this: Help us or we may leave Vancouver, Lululemon tells Ottawa. Not everyone’s body looks good in Vancouver. Maybe it’s time to leave. Especially since the TFW rules you want to change are about minimum wage and not head-hunting top execs.

Maybe this is why they are considering SF: Wealthy San Francisco tech investors bankroll bid to ban homeless camps.

Meanwhile, another situation which sums up Vancouver in a neat little package: 30 Mount Seymour Trails Closed. So the CMHC, those guilty of precipitating our housing crisis, who took control of the land to thwart the Coast Salish from re-asserting their claims over it, now don’t want anyone riding mountain bikes or walking dogs on it? Classic.

Speaking of bikes, I can see these flying off the shelves here: Chemical bike lock causes vomiting to deter thieves.

Nardwuar of the day: Nardwuar the Human Serviette Key Witness in Murder of Obscure Canadian Musician.

Alert: Call to action planned today for Burnaby teen missing for 12 days.