Tea & Two Slices is a long-running local news round-up by NEEDS frontman and veteran dishwasher Sean Orr, who lives and works in Gastown, deeply aware of his privilege.

Vancouver School Board votes to cancel police liaison program. Yeah, no. This is a terribly misleading headline. They promised to keep working with the VPD and our progressive trustees even wrote a thank you note, presumably for decades of trauma to black and indigenous children. But even then the bootlickers or clutching their pearls saying things like “what about the kids that had a good experience”; “this is a knee-jerk reaction for a problem in another country”; “the gangs will have a field day recruiting” (as though someone’s good experience cancels out the trauma of those Black and Indigenous kids who’d had a bad experience); “Canada isn’t racist, and the cops were ever able to keep gangs from recruiting” (let alone the world’s biggest street gang). We don’t need someone with a gun and zero training to be a glorified overpaid counsellor when we could have…wait for it, actual counsellors.

The petulant response from the most well funded police force in North America shows what happens when there is even an ounce of a threat to police power. It’s like in The Wire when Rawls says “The good news is that our mayor finally realizes he needs a police department more than he needs a school system.” This not so veiled threat by the President of the so-called police union proves they don’t care about safety and they never have:

Meanwhile, an actual progressive council: New Westminster school district votes to immediately cancel police liaison program.

Now this is newsworthy! A guy, who is not a constable but rather a “Good Morning Man”, actually de-escalated a situation! On The Last Word with Mike McCardell, a police officer shares a story of de-escalating a conflict about mask wearing. Great, now do it when a guy is holding a stapler.

‘You hear him put two bullets into my brother’s heart’: Innocent man’s family wants justice after murder acquittal. How many examples do we need to show you that they don’t have our interests in mind?

Police held the phone for almost seven years, without seeking the proper court order, violating the accused’s Charter rights, ruled Masuhara. Court evidence revealed IHIT was warned, by three senior counsel, including their own RCMP lawyer, back in 2007, that officers should not be ignoring Section 490 of the Criminal Code, which states police must get an extension order if they want to hold evidence beyond 90 days.

For a second I thought they were dropping off a load of vaccines: CF-18 Hornets wow onlookers in Vancouver during NORAD training. You will be wowed and impressed at our proud display of pomp and might. You shall not think about the resources or the fuel. You shall mask your PTSD like a good citizen. We need to protect you from the, uh, Russians? Yeah, that’s it.

Playland postpones re-opening following backlash. Aw man, I had all sorts of clever and insightful stuff to say about this like calling it “Plagueland” and asking why the City of Vancouver who staffs and operates it aren’t stepping in, or asking why Playland was offering discounts to groups of twenty, to cleverly saying things like “Playland is open but we are cancelling 1,700 surgeries” or “Playland is open but inside dining is closed”. I guess you’ll just have to picture my incoherent rage in situ.

It’s OK we can all be incoherently outraged about this next one: Why has B.C. used less than 1% of its rapid COVID test supply? Green Party leader asks. Because this government cares more about balancing the economy than protecting its citizens. Every single death from this pandemic was a policy decision. From the baby who died in BC, to Emily Victoria Viegas, to every one of our beloved seniors who didn’t get to say goodbye. We refused to go CovidZero and rolled the dice on people’s lives. Don’t believe me? Let’s compare shall we?

Oh, but at least they’re doing this, right? B.C. is developing its own sick pay program, says premier.

The B.C. Federation of Labour has suggested businesses pay the cost of sick days up front, because it will allow workers to continue to get paid their wages without interruption, and then the province can reimburse those businesses later.

Horgan said he won’t force businesses to pay sick days right now when many are just struggling to survive financially.

No, right, it makes way more sense to pass that burden on to the workers. You know, the people just barely struggling to survive financially that are propping up businesses that are also struggling to survive.

I mean, imagine getting outflanked on the left by Doug fucking Ford: Ontario details plan for 3 paid sick days after a year of mounting pressure.

The proposed Ontario COVID-19 Worker Protection Benefit Program would pay up to $200 per day for workers who are sick, have symptoms, have a mental health issue or need to be vaccinated, and will be retroactive to April 19. The sick days would not need to be taken consecutively and no sick note is required.

Here they are sounding exactly like the BC Liberals. After cutting disability benefits they are now pouring money into getting “individuals who are dealing with a mental or physical health impairment” back to work. Because nothing shall stop the unquenchable thirst for exploiting your labour. Not COVID, not disability, not being underhoused, nothing: Grant supports culture of accommodation in the workplace.

“Someone should do something”: Protest against COVID-19 restrictions held at B.C. restaurant that defied health orders. “It’s very frustrating to see the usual suspects, a small minority of what are literally Covidiots that have completely, I think, just disgusted most British Columbians,” Public Safety Minister Mike Farnworth said of the protest”. Ah yes, it’s very frustrating, says a man uniquely positioned to actually do something about it.

We have a strong candidate for tweet of the year:

It’s almost like they know a physical barrier reduces unwanted droplets. https://t.co/xjJ8C7SunJ

— jbanal (@jbanal) April 25, 2021

Meanwhile, over in Langley: The last thing LGBTQ2 Canadians need is MPs misquoting scripture at them. The only good thing about this is that it made “lesbian activity” trend on twitter and hilarity ensued.

Also on twitter:

Being a woman on twitter summarized in one handy image: pic.twitter.com/mwmJyMgoyC

— Penny Daflos (@PennyDaflos) February 28, 2020

This is good because it’s a nice segué into the housing market. Vancouver real estate: home torn down after $1.8 million flip, duplex built on same lot and sold over $4 million. ‘We need to build more housing on a single-family zoned land to bring down the prices’ says every aggro YIMBY #vanre expert, shouting over the people saying “it’s about land prices” ad nauseam.

‘We need to build MOAR housing!!’ Canada Is Now Completing 18 Homes For Every Person The Population Grows.

Women’s society offers jobs, homes to Strathcona Park campers. What great news! Surely even those bootstrap conservatives who take every opportunity to vilify and degrade poor people living in tents will pause their anti-social pearl clutching and celebrate, right? Wrong. Rob McCollins from 100 Mile House writes: “Nice picture of what a sh*thole looks like. Imagine what they will do to the housing”, and Dave Hill from West Kelowna writes: “These are drug addicts criminals and thieves. Have fun.”

Rats on the rise in residential homes in B.C.. Insert joke about landlords here.

Tiny hummingbird stops construction on the Trans Mountain pipeline in B.C. for 4 months. Welcome to the revolution, tiny hummingbird, please take your seat on the Coal Harbour drifting barge between the Sun-Yat Sen Otter, and the luxury car wrecking peacocks of Surrey. The North Van pigeons will be by to take your order.

‘Large chunks’ of B.C. Crown land could end up in hands of Indigenous Nations. Wtf, what do you mean “end up in hands of Indigenous Nations”? That’s a weird thing to say when you stole something from somebody. “This car that I stole could end up in the hands of its owner.” Get stuffed, Vaughn Palmer

Nanaimo of the day: Nanaimo man hospitalized after pouring gunpowder onto backyard fire. Harewood always up to no good.

Sports of the day: Tortorella once got mad at a Canucks player for pooping. Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I always poop on Aquilini time.

Honour Bound: Helping Remy Lavoie’s family.

Bonus: I grew up a Black girl in Alberta without ever hearing of Amber Valley. How does history go missing?.