On Shitty Boyfriends And The Stench Of Burning Hair In Gastown


by Sean Orr | “I’m sorry about that thing that you are mad at me about…” said every shitty boyfriend ever. Mayor Gregor Robertson issues apology to Vancouver voters over criticisms. To be fair though, he didn’t really “issue” it, he just blurted it out in a debate. I guess a politician can’t show humility and humanity lest it be construed as desperation. Like Steve Zissou:

The first thing that goes through a captain’s head when he hears there’s low morale goin’ around is: “What’d I do? Is it all my fault?” Well, he’s probably right. Most of us have been together a long time. There are others that were here before that. Do you all not like me anymore? I mean, what am I supposed to do? I don’t know.

Or perhaps it was just a moment of weakness. He didn’t Meena word of what he said.

Speaking of Bif Naked: I am a lucky girl. I feel blessed, fortunate, and totally present. Well, nothing to make fun of there. Moving on.

Strange bedfellows: Globe and Mail, The Straight, SensibleBC and Peter Wall endorse Gregor and Vision. I am, too, but only because I want to be at that party! PS. can I bring a +1?

When anti-densification bites you in the ass: If the NPA and Kirk LaPointe get slaughtered in tomorrow’s election, here are six reasons why: “There’s been far less densification in southwest Vancouver, where the NPA is the most popular party…”

Will the real NPA please stand up: NPA candidate claims she’s the last ‘normal’ home buyer in her neighbourhood. “In some cases in our many all-candidates debates, many of our candidates have been goaded into saying things, been triggered and we’re all endeavouring to do our best to answer all the questions…” Oh, those pesky “reporters”, asking questions and whatnot. Shame on them.

High-risk guesses shape Vancouver residents voting strategies, observers say.”Most people can barely do it in a simple three-way race…” Yeah. People dumb. In other news, you are now thinking about three-ways.

Despite the above article on strategic voting, I really like this guy, and not just because of beer: Vancouver candidate RJ Aquino proposes pint size policy.

Vancouver Man Encouraged To Light His Hair On Fire In Unsettling Video. Unfortunately, it was the man’s idea. But that still doesn’t mean you should do it. It’s also important to note that this is incident is not a one-off.

Island man’s Facebook rant about BC Ferries goes viral. BC Ferry’s responds:

“Ironically, Smith’s day job is a social media coach. He says the whole experience has shown him that you can’t predict what will go viral.” Don’t hire him as a social media coach because ‘viral just happens’. There, I just saved you money.

The Steam Clock is dead! Long live the Steam Clock! Cool idea, but it doesn’t have to be where the steam clock is. It could be on any number of the steam vents operated by CHDL. That way we could have an open call for artists and my idea of replicating a giant bong on top of one of them could finally come true.

Roberto Luongo spoofs Kim Kardashian on Twitter. I guess stickhandling never was his strongest suit.

Related: Kim Kardashian doesn’t realize she’s the butt of an old racial joke.

There are 0 comments

On the Trouble With Being Doomed and Making Fun of Ourselves in the Snow

In his latest read of the news headlines, Sean Orr finds new music, combs Reddit, and ponders the value of an inbred family.

On Vancouver’s War Against Millennials and Institutionalizing the Mentally Ill by Force

In his latest read of the news headlines, Sean Orr worries about the next $5 bill and milquetoast media outlets mocking cops.

On Finally Figuring Out Rent Control and Burning Down the Vancouver House

In his latest read of the news headlines, Sean Orr finds Ming Wo closing and a fantasy music festival with local headliners.

On the Shrieking Howls of the Entitled and Understanding a Lack of Seriousness

In his latest read of the news headlines, Sean finds flawed tax plans and a new definition of 'working class'.