TEA & TWO SLICES | On Giant Snow Penises And Christy Clark’s Shudder-Worthy Interview

February 10, 2017.

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by Sean Orr | So Christy Clark somehow thought it would be a good idea to go on Facebook Live. The results were as disastrous/totally benign as you might think.

Watch for yourself as a sea of angry emojis engulfs the premier while she doubles-down on her populist rhetoric in an exercise of pure agitprop. Watch as Vaughn Palmer lobs handpicked softballs from BC Liberal ‘digital influencers’.

Watch as she says “I think we are implementing those recommendations” regarding the recent report on the death of Alex Gervais while rejecting the idea of replacing her embattled B.C. children’s minister.

Watch as she says we are armed and ready to fight Trump on softwood while we’ve lost 30,000 forest jobs in this province since the B.C. Liberals took power due to a record number of raw log exports.

Watch as she says that Debt Free BC means we have “the intention of getting there”. Watch as she admits that job creation in Alberta had stalled because it hitched its entire economy to a single resource, and then – just seconds later – doubles down on LNG. Watch as she says LNG is clean. Again.

Watch as she actually thinks that British Columbians “calmed down their fiery rhetoric” to the Kinder Morgan pipeline just because it was Justin Trudeau who approved it. As though thousands of people didn’t take to the streets.

Watch as she admits that there are “two British Columbias”, one that is falling behind because of their resource-based economies.

Watch her say with a straight face that BC in fact does have a poverty reduction plan: “It’s called a jobs plan”. Oh great, tell that to the disabled. Tell that to the mentally ill. Tell that to the addicted.

Take a drink every time she mentions jobs, as though she’s never heard of precarious labour and ignoring the fact that we’re losing full-time jobs everywhere except in Vancouver and Victoria. “People want to work!” Yeah, just maybe not at the 24 Hour Tim Hortons on Abbott and Pender.

Watch as she intermingles the political and the personal with ease! (Don’t talk about my son, Hamish. My Dad was an alcoholic). The problem with mental health issues is not just that people don’t talk about them, it’s that governments do nothing about them until an election comes around.

Watch as she says that her stipend had “suddenly become an issue” and that “she could do without the money” as though it wasn’t in The New York Times.

Watch as she says the “NDP has said this is going to be the ugliest and dirtiest campaign we’ve ever seen” when it was actually Liberal cabinet minister Bill Bennett who said that. Watch as she doubles down on the claim that her website was hacked despite the fact Mike Smyth found it in plain sight. As Palmer says (as he found his spine), “perhaps it was Putin”.

But what didn’t Palmer ask about? He didn’t ask about raising the rates. Didn’t ask about the current lawsuit by First Nations against the government regarding Kinder Morgan. He didn’t ask about the conflict of interest with the conflict of interest commissioner, probably because he’s already defended him.

He didn’t ask about the BCTF lawsuit. He didn’t ask about the health care firings. He didn’t ask about MSP premiums. He didn’t ask about getting big money out of politics.

He didn’t ask about the 25,502 unoccupied homes in Vancouver, more than double City Hall’s estimate.

Meanwhile, Patients in hallways as hospital space reserved for Kate Winslet movie. The movie is called “The Mountain Between Us”. Sort of like the mountain between us and the bureaucracy that thinks this was a good idea.

Some good news: Missing Canadian found undocumented in Brazil after years. When asked if he had found what he was looking for during his many years of wandering, Pilipa simply replied, “I’m still looking.”

Introducing a new game called Vancouver snow bingo. Spaces include: someone saying “the city just shuts down”; someone with an umbrella; that one guy wearing shorts; someone from Alberta saying it isn’t a big deal; someone from Ontario saying they moved here to “get away from this shit”; a Dodge Caravan just spinning its wheels; someone complaining about bike lanes being ploughed; some one the Skytrain saying “it’s not the snow that I hate, it’s the slush”; someone calling it a snowpocalypse; and – of course – someone making an AirBnB out of a snow fort.

Other possibilities: Someone saying “only in Canada”: Only in Canada: Central Saanich man uses Zamboni to clear streets of snow, police say.

Exhibit B: Hapless Abbotsford burglar’s getaway van gets stuck in snow, asks for help from homeowner he ripped off.

Tweet of the day:

Bonus: VIDEO: ‘Body Break’ TV stars are back, results are bloody brilliant.

#ScoutThis

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