TEA & TWO SLICES: On The Globe And Fail And Over-Extending Ourselves At Christmas

November 11, 2011.

by Sean Orr | The Globe & Mail says few tears are being shed for the crumbling Occupy movement. If it was doomed to fail, why are they so desperate to pen it’s eulogy? Why wish for violence? If it’s all just a fairy tale, why are they giving it so much column space? Do they feel threatened? Do they think these wacky leftists are going take away all their toys? Whatever the answer might be, they’re resorting to all the usual tropes: fomenting fear, reducing a movement to a few soundbites, ignoring the very real and very practical demands that have been raised (Robin Hood Tax, opposition to the Tory crime bill and electoral reform), and talking of rats and overdoses as if they’re rarities in this city. They call the campers’ ideas and ideals Utopian when all they are really asking for is a return to the roots of capitalism. If the Occupiers are hanging themselves with their own rope, why, then, is the media waiting with nooses?

And if nooses fail, try needles: Saboteurs Scatter Dirty Needles Around Perimeter of Occupy Ottawa. AS disgusting as this is I just had to laugh! 400 dirty needles? That’s like if every camper there shot up a hundred times in one night.

The best arguments in favour of the #occupy movement are found in the business section: Don’t forget America’s debt drama, TD warns. Ergo, to all the pundits arguing that we don’t have the same crisis because Canadian bankers are more conservative and that the protests are therefore misguided, remember that “this is an enormous fiscal drag that runs the risk of stalling economic recovery” and that this was said by one of your own.

Exhibit B: Why Stockbrokers Shouldn’t Guarantee Client Accounts Against Losses. “In some cases, the broker may be in cahoots with the promoter and is getting illegal kickbacks for placing the stock with his clients. This is clearly dirty business”. Your Honour, I rest my case.

Developmentally disabled teen stuck in jail because of lack of services. This in the year 2011? For fuck’s sakes, Canada. Get it together.

Canadians warned not to overextend themselves on holiday shopping. Wait. I’m confused. Do you want us to consume or not? Isn’t our entire thingy hinged upon our ability to shop like cray cray at Christmas?

Whining about whining: Best Place on Earth — for smug, whining do-gooders. On one hand it’s like, yeah, the asshole children of hippies have ruined everything, and now instead of Robsonstrasse, there are, like, six Starbucks. But then, on the other hand, it’s like, he was too romantic about Manhattan, as he was about everything else, and look at the Granville Strip, and be careful because you sound like Tom Cruise in Magnolia, and also this is why we can’t have nice things.

Favourite name in the news today, brought to you by Liam Ford: “Daniel-Robert Gooch, president of the Canadian Airports Council”.

Extra credit: Waste Coast – Mad Dog.

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