by Sean Orr | Dinner with a Dick: Cheney sells out dinner event in Vancouver. On the menu: Water-boarded bocconcini salad, foie gras of Canada Goose; Deep Horizon prawns on pro-Israeli cous cous with aged Apartheid veggies; Halliburton Halibut wrapped in depleted uranium bacon; fresh, locally shot Quail* and of course – for dessert – Nigerian Yellowcake with neocon ice cream. *Unfortunately Quail could not be on offer because, well, he missed.

The Conservatives’ crime obsession is not magnificent. Don’t let the title of the piece alone dissuade you from reading it, nor the fact that it reads like a series of non sequiturs and run-on sentences that begin with a definite article: “We’ve had two of them with ‘IT’, there has been one ‘BUT’, two ‘AT’s, one ‘ON’ and a Delores. Oh that of course was never published”.

Bad Optics: Feds hire ‘cuts’ consultant at $90,000 a day. This reminds me when sitcoms get an efficiency expert” to shake things up (the NewsRadio one was my fave).

I know I always make fun of the Straight, but this is gold: Wall Street protests get some serious coverage overseas. If not least because they follow it up with some actual serious coverage. “First we take Manhattan”.

TransCanada ad offensive as pipeline decision awaited. Isn’t that something? Americans complaining about Canadian corporate influence! Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Baby deaths spark fears over antidepressants. Maybe Pfizer should rename the drug Side-Effexor.

Actual news: Passengers slightly burned mid-flight. What happened? Did the stewardess lay down a sweet diss session or something? Buuurn.

Speaking of getting slightly burned, don’t forget the classic comedy roast of Gregor Robertson. I wish I could go, but I just can’t afford it. Now that is funny.

I bet Gregor had a good chuckle on the news that Tim Louis won the COPE nomination in a big upset. If not, I imagine he at least found the article hilarious. Seriously, take a drink each time you read the word “establishment”.

Bonus: Vancouver Skytrain Map – Super Mario 3 Style.