Awkward

Man held in Australia after exiting plane from Dubai with two live pigeons in his pants. “Australian customs officials say the live birds were wrapped in padded envelopes and held to the man’s legs by a pair of tights under his trousers.” Er…

Touché

French President Nicolas Sarkozy has touched off a masturbatory firestorm in Quebec separatist circles by suggesting, in an extremely roundabout way, that the “Oui” peeps harden the fuck up. I like this guy. He’s a bit of a clown, sure, but he makes Chirac look like a bar of soap and I love seeing the Q-berts get their freak on.

Nerditude

I love this: “A guy called Ryszard Gold – who probably is an alien villain from the Outer Rim planets and got a 49-point score in our Geek Social Aptitude Test – made the calculation of the most basic Death Star’s price with current materials and space transport costs here on Earth.” For real. The cost was pretty outrageous at $15,602,022,489,829,821,422,840,226.94, and that probably doesn’t include tractor beam security.

UBC Engineering Fail

Five UBC Enginerring students were busted for trying to emulate peers of old by hanging the foam shell of a VW Beetle off a city bridge at 4am. Speaking of old, this is getting just that. If they insist on doing the same thing every year, they should add a new facet to the ruse, like maybe first welding the cop shop doors shut at 3am.

Murder Town

Three people have been shot to death in Lower Mainland ‘burbs in the past 24 hours. And boy are my cops tired. From the Sun: Lisa Barber was outside washing windows at the Loose Moose Neighbourhood Pub, across the street from the mall, when she said she heard six or eight shots. “I started counting them as soon as I realized what they were,” she said. “It did scare me though, right away. I was like, here we go.” And the gun was like, bang. And then he was like, ugh. And I was like, oh no! And he was like, dead.

Tear Down This Wall

Commercial Drive’s iconic and butt-ugly York Theater has been saved from the wrecking ball (and town home developments) by Wall Financial. The bigwigs bought the place for $2 million and have plans to spend an additional $12 million to restore it (they’re replacing the atrocious pink facade with a two-story glassed-in lobby). Vancouver East Cultural Center will manage it. The quid pro quo: “Negotiations between the city and Wall Financial continue, but the general idea is that Wall Financial will be allowed to add more floors to a development on another site in exchange for buying and developing the York and turning it over to the city. The property could also be exempt from property tax.” Who wins? Nick’s Spaghetti House, right next door.

Cheney, Still A Dick.

No big surprise here. Former US Vice President Darth Cheney has come out of hiding to say illegal wiretapping and torture was awesome and that if Obama continues to dismantle the un-Constitutional apparatus that he set up the world will see an America brought to its knees. Oh, and he’s working on his memoirs. Suggested working title: “Boo!”

The Canucks Finally Win

Must be seen to be believed. Attaboys.

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Andrew Morrison is a west coast boy who studied history and classics at the Universities of Cape Town and Toronto after an adolescence spent riding skateboards and working in restaurants. He is the editor of Scout Magazine, the weekly food and restaurant columnist for the Westender newspaper, a contributor to Vancouver and Western Living magazines, and a proud board member of the Chef’s Table Society of BC. He lives and works by the beach in Vancouver.

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