by Treve Ring | Straight off a full week of wining and dining at the 37th annual Vancouver International Wine Fest, I’m sure happy to see this report about how drinking wine amounts to an hour’s work out. I take this to mean I don’t have to go to the gym ever again. Seeing as moderate drinking makes you smarter, too, I reckon I’m actually pretty well sorted, thank you very much.

And those after-after festival cocktails will ensure my immune system remains in tip top shape as well. Cheers, science!

Proof I’m a democratic equal opportunist drinker: researchers have shown that the bacteria that creates the bubbles in beer helps people fight off infections and autoimmune diseases. Might as well share a pint with man’s best friend, no?

On second thought, I think I’ll be sharing my brew with a beer delivering rabbit, because Brooklyn. Cheers, Wallace!

The ultimate proof Portlandia is real? Portland brewers are making beer with treated sewage.

And the ultimate proof that Iceland is insane? An Icelandic micro-brewery has announced its new beer will be flavoured with smoked whales’ testicles.

Speaking of knowing what’s in your glass, some markets are making and considering mandatory nutrition labeling for their spirits. But if you’re drink-clueless enough to be shooting Fireball Cinnamon Whisky, you probably don’t care that it’s 25% sugar (11g/1.5oz!)

Where could they use such labeling education? Somewhere between the Federation of Retired White Zinfandel and the Factory State of Megawhisklandia, I’d wager.

I’m going to leave Kentucky out of it – they have their own problems (rampant rampaging whisky fungus being one of many).

Those with more expensive tastes (or at least expense accounts – lets leave taste out of this) may want to study up on how to open Champagne with a sniper rifle. Because doesn’t it suck when you can’t find your sabre?

How to one-up your entertaining friends? With the world’s first wine & insect pairing guide, of course! The guide includes ten different wine and critter pairings, including mealworms with viognier, locusts with moscatel, and crickets with albariño.

The age old debate – does wine put you in the mood, or asleep – can be personally trialled and tasted at Bodegas Monje in Tenerife, Canary Islands. The winery has launched a series of “Wine & Sex” nights, featuring erotic games and the chance to enjoy wine “from an erotic and gastronomic” point of view “without the usual protocols of tasting notes, terroirs, crus and polyphenols”.

Related: if you have trouble finishing your wine, whipping out a box of wine condoms should do the trick.

THE DRINKER’S ARCHIVE