Imagine your friend takes you to The Diamond in Gastown one night and you’ve never been there before. You walk in and the place is empty save for a couple of bearded man-men of the hipsteriffic mold. The room is stark – brassy, Victorian, lit by candle and kerosene – like the study of a successful, Bourbon-loving taxidermist. The beardmen sell you two “dark” pints for 12 cents while you’re still getting comfortable at the bar, but before you can properly reflect on that the room is filled with loud merrymakers in full-on Gassy Jack period dress (including two ladies of the night asking if you want to go upstairs – nice touch). A dude warns you that your face is on a “Wanted” poster and then a cop comes in and tries to arrest you for some Philadelphian crimes, but not before the good publican smashes a whisky bottle over his head and you’re ushered out with drinks unfinished and brains a-racing.

Money quote: “So I shouldn’t ask them if they have an iPhone 5 charger?”

Via Brooklyn and Improv Everywhere.

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