The East Vanhattan has become legend among Vancouver’s better bartenders, and if you’re like me you’re probably thrilled that the recipe has finally been made exclusively available to Scout readers.

The first thing you’ll need to make one will be a bottle of custom-made Ed Hardy Bitters “made by real Yaletown douchebags”. These are extremely hard to come by (don’t ask me how), but the liquid within is the key ingredient (tastes like cocaine and bubbalicious).

If luck isn’t on your side, give the old David Beckham cologne trick a try (an equal parts dilution with Red Bull and the soccer fauxhawker’s distilled scent available at Walmart) or, failing that, cinnamon and clove-infused Massengill douche for the proper acidic balance (available at Shoppers Drug Mart).

Full instructions after the jump…

I say the bitters are a crucial ingredient, and that’s mostly because the recipe is on the back of the bottle (as seen below):

East Vanhattan

2oz Bullit (yeah that’s spelled right beyotches)
0.5oz of organic hipster carrot juice
1 dash of stolen Pioneer car stereo
3 crooked baseball bats
2 three wheeled shopping carts
3 hard f”&k off dashes Ed Hardy Bitters
Shake it like a cracked out hobo
Garnish with a Mark Brand head butt

And there you have it. Cheers, and remember to drink responsibly…