by Sean Orr | More Lower Mainland Rental Housing, But For Whom? “This is the fundamental absurdity: [the B.C. government] gives $375 for shelter, but this is not enough for market housing anywhere in the province.” Until this is changed, everything else in the housing narrative is moot. Let’s hope we can sustain ourselves on feel good stories of local homeless people playing the piano instead.

What the homeless really need is cellphones. Ugh. That was really unnecessarily cynical of me.

In high-cost Vancouver, the trick is getting strangers to pay the mortgage. Please don’t show this article to my landlord mom.

Cat(amaran) Burglar: Victoria Clipper stolen; SWAT team arrests man after standoff. That reminds me of the time I stole the Seabus and took it on a booze cruise up to Haida Gwaii.

The Clean Up Guy: An interview with the man who is taking the City of Vancouver to the human rights tribunal. “It was the first interview Kljajic — a sanitation worker whose political view is apparently not appreciated at city hall – has given”. Oh, so that’s why they hired that Hells Angel dude.

Royal Canadian Mounted Potsmokers: Veteran RCMP officer stripped of his uniform for publicly smoking medical marijuana hands in his red serge. Something something something about Rob Ford or Justin Trudeau. I’m going back to bed.

Chillwave: Bundle up, an arctic chill is coming to B.C.. That’s nothing, I heard it was raining in L.A.!

I might have found a blog that’s actually worse than Hush Magazine, Gastown Gazette, and Vancity Buzz combined. It’s an official government website called BC B Sides. “B.C. government news – personified”. Ugh…so Goebbels and Orwell walk into a bar… “Before having my daughter, I didn’t give emergency preparedness much thought. I figured you could ride out any disaster with salty snacks, Scrabble and red wine”. That one c/o the Online Communications Officer of Emergency Management BC. Talk about a disaster…

And speaking of websites and disasters: Drizzy Makes Headlines at Cioppino’s. Ew. If Buzzfeed and Jezebel had a code battle, Eater Vancouver would be the bloody aftermath. If had been around when I was working at Cioppino’s we would have seen the following headline: “Clumsy food-runner with died black hair spills soup on Heather Graham”.

Craigslist of the Day: “Highway car from Chilliwack, was white but painted it Satin black. Wife hates it, kid loves it, being forced into a Dodge Caravan…. just shoot me”.

Can’t-believe-this-passes-for-news of the day: Cowichan kid has the look of a Vancouver Canuck.