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Robotic Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz Explains New Ad Blitz

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Bumfuzzled that plebian shitholes like McDonalds and Dunkin’ Donuts are being so bold as to snake in on their argyle and loafer action with cheaper espresso, Starbucks has gone on a “we’re so much better than them” marketing jihad. Above is the introductory video for the “partners” (shiver) hosted by the charismatically challenged company CEO Howard Schultz. It’s sappy schmaltz, and nowhere near as tight as McDonalds campaign, which just sort of nails it.

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Psst! Hey Howard! Just make better, cheaper coffee, and maybe don’t wear your trousers above your waist so much…

There are 5 comments

  1. McDonald’s is garbage, don’t expect their espresso to be anything different. The notion that ‘cheaper is better’ is obviously false and McDonalds is catering to the lowest common denominator like usual. Save your pennies until they are dollars, because four bucks for a great coffee is not dumb. $1.29 for a McLarge McEspresso that will rot your gut? That’s dumb.

  2. I couldn’t even finish watching the video….once one of the partners starting going into how starbucks is more than just coffee–it’s and experience blah blah blah…, i was dumbfounded and had to stop
    also, their ads have too many words for the ADD generation (me included)

  4. “Ok Howard, we’re gonna need you to say that again….and…cut! Try not to read the words so obviously…and action….CUT! One more time Howard, lets try to get those 3 sentences all in one take….and…CUT!!”

    I really feel sorry for the editors of this video, must’ve been painful!

  5. Too many words to think what exactly we are looking at, ” I would personally prefer something like the,” first sip and you don’t want to stop”

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