Tea & Two Slices is a long-running local news round-up by NEEDS frontman and veteran dishwasher Sean Orr, who lives and works in Gastown, deeply aware of his privilege.

What a triumphal week! Just like that, four years of hate and division have officially ended. Black Lives will instantly matter, climate change is fixed, and the housing crisis and opioid crisis will both come to abrupt ends. Hallelujah!

But seriously, are we not allowed to feel a little bit of joy? Like, as a treat? The muslim ban is over, a transwoman is Assistant Health Secretary, the Keystone pipeline is cancelled (much to Jason Kenney’s chagrin), a person who lived in Montreal for 5 seconds is Vice President, and we all got to see cozy grandpa Bernie living his best life.

Back to reality: Four-month delay in prescribing safe drug supply costing lives, says B.C. advocate. 2020 saw one overdose call every 20 minutes. 1500 deaths. Every single one of these deaths is preventable. This government has blood on its hands and they’ve made it abundantly clear that lives of drug users have no value.

Imagine how much higher the death toll would be if it weren’t for the tireless work of overdose prevention workers: After Long Fight, Overdose Prevention Site Peer Workers Join Union. Arm in arm, stronger along. Stronger than ever.

Because nobody is coming to save us, we need to save ourselves: Dana Larsen: 10,000 street drug samples analyzed in Vancouver.

B.C. health authorities also provide free drug analysis, but the NDP doesn’t properly fund it so it’s not readily available. For instance, aside from our service, drug checking is only available in Vancouver for just a few hours at a time, a few days a week, at some injection sites. As a result, our more accessible privately-run drug-checking service is doing two-thirds of all tests in B.C.!

Nah but keep telling us we’re all in this together:

Vancouver real estate: REITs announce $292 million purchase of 15 rental apartment buildings. Alternative headline: “Residents of 15 rental apartments now at elevated risk of eviction during pandemic.” (There, I fixed it for you.) The city should get first right of refusal for all rental buildings.

Vancouver welcomes an influx of new rental development. What. Kind. Of. New. Rental. Development? Because 29 below-market units renting out at $100 a square foot for every 300 luxury units built is virtually meaningless.

Younger Canadians are moving out of big cities at record levels. Not that there will be anyone left to actually live in them! There was a time in my life where I would mention the Lotus Eaters in almost every Tea & Two Slices, lamenting how we’ve abandoned our youth…

The theory of immigrants and foreign investors driving Canada’s property market is about to be tested. If only there was something else happening that could explain rising vacancy rates. Also, without vacancy control it’s a meaningless dog whistle.

How dystopian is the following headline? Isolation RVs Fill a Need for Homeless People During Pandemic. And yet, how beautifully simple a solution! This, but on a massive scale. Thanks.

Please god, no: B.C. advisor suggests another lockdown could prevent a third COVID-19 wave. I mean, we could start by banning air travel, but that’s just me.

Or maybe it’s time to start putting these people in jail: Couple fined $460 after pretending to cough at customers in Vancouver gym: police. Please tell me which gym this was so I can avoid it like I avoid all gyms.

“I was terrified”: Bystander stands up to anti-masker harassing BC healthcare worker . Ah yes, Bolshevism and Fascism are the exact same thing. Why are Canadians so fucking dumb?

Nearly half of adult Canadians struggle with literacy — and that’s bad for the economy. And yet somehow 100% of them comment on The Province’s Facebook page.

BC couple gambles on $30,000 ‘unlimited stays’ package in the Maldives during pandemic. Dairy Queen owner goes on exotic holiday paid for by their minimum wage workers who risk getting COVID every day because the “the ongoing negativity” of a fucking global pandemic is too much for this “digital nomad”, and Bob Kronbauer laps it all up.

And the biggest “I told you so” of the year goes to… B.C. limiting liquor sales on New Year’s Eve caused ‘COVID Crunch’, data shows.

Also BC:

On transparency in schools around COVID data, Horgan says “creating hysteria around COVID spread is what we want to avoid.” #bcpoli

— Richard Zussman (@richardzussman) January 14, 2021

Cool, cool, so now we’re using misogynistic language to justify suppressing information.

We are the worst: Vancouver mother vows to rebuild memorial to slain daughter. Make it permanent. Leave it up as a monument to our callousness.

2 students arrested in assault of transgender girl at Lower Mainland school. This is why SOGI is vital.

Chilliwack school trustee asked to resign by peers, lights up cigarette in meeting. This would be a boss move if this prick wasn’t an anti-SOGI bigot.

Worries Rise that NPA Board Could Run Extremist Candidates in 2022. Worries rise that people would actually vote for them.

And then there are the Conservatives: Derek Fildebrandt: Derek Sloan’s exile over $131 from a white supremacist doesn’t add up. Ah yes, it must be “far-left propaganda website Press Progress'” fault. Natch.

Canada, we have a problem: Antisemitic ant-masker arrested with 65 illegal guns, $18 million in street drugs. We need to stay vigilant and keep de-platforming these chuds. It works.

After man’s death, Quebec premier says no to curfew exception, claiming others would pose as homeless. My fucking god. Fining homeless people $1m000 dollars for not being able to find a shelter…what kind of sick world do we live in?

Because, of course, it’s Kelowna: ‘Cocaine bananas’ arrive at Kelowna grocery stores after mix up from Colombia: RCMP.

Well played, RIO: Vancouver’s Rio Theatre Is Becoming a Sports Bar.