SRVD U is a new column edited by local service industry worker Silvia Formankova. Think of it as a venting valve for Vancouver’s restaurant workers, be they from the front or back of house. All names included in submissions are changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). Entries are also edited for length and clarity. If you have a story to tell, a piece of advice to give or a gripe you’d like to get off your chest, please email the short version to firstname.lastname@example.org.
“You didn’t seem to be able to understand why I couldn’t get the kitchen to make you a frittata with no eggs…”
“I cringed when the hostess sat you and your twins in my section, right next to a group that was spending big. I hate serving tables with kids because this generation of parents doesn’t set a baseline for restaurant etiquette for their offspring, allowing them to behave in restaurants in the same way (I assume) they do at home. But to my amazement, these kids were able to order their own food politely, could use their cutlery properly, and didn’t once need to look at an iPhone to maintain their serenity. Thank you! You were the exception to the rule, and why dessert was on the house.”
“You brought in your own drink recipe and requested that the bartender adhere strictly to the instructions. I won’t get into too much detail but let’s just say it involved 2 egg whites, very little booze and no sugar. Your drink tasted what I’d imagine semen dry shaken with snot would taste like but you drank three of them. Gross.”
“You asked me: ‘Which cocktail on the list is the cutest?’ I should have brought you two ounces of whiskey, neat, because watching you drink that would have been the cutest.”