Tea & Two Slices is a long-running local news round-up by NEEDS frontman and veteran dishwasher Sean Orr, who lives and works in Gastown, deeply aware of his privilege.

Is nothing sacred? Former longstanding Granville strip Chinese spot to become Cold Tea Restaurant. They carve up this city and feed it back to us, making us eat ourselves like some Hannibal-esque poetic rite of passage. They did it with Black Swan and they will do it again. Any crumb of off-kilter culture will be codified and packaged back to us, openly deriding us. This is the carnivorous monster that is late capitalism in its unstoppable quest to devour anything remotely unique.

What next? Will Guys and Dolls Billiards become a unique co-ed, co-living, tech hub work space and cafe where they save one pool table that they put in the penthouse lounge but you can’t play it unless you buy stock in Uber?

SRO buildings continue to sell as Vancouver aims to discourage speculation. My god, if this isn’t the most telling sentence: “These old buildings have long been known as ‘cash-cow’ investments, providing a steady return of income.” Expropriate them all. Seriously, though, if the province wants to get serious on speculation they should buy every single SRO in Vancouver. I mean, the BC Liberals bought 13. How many have the NDP purchased?

City of Vancouver revises community amenity contribution policies for developers. Again, CACs themselves began as an inherently good way to capture land value but turned into an instant bribe for density machine that we quickly became addicted to. The city of Vancouver broke the record in 2018 with $706 million in CACs — the same year that we broke the record for number of homeless. Something is not working here, and I doubt these changes will have any real meaningful affect.

Speaking of CACs, do we really need another observation deck? New world-class mall and observation deck concept for Vancouver. Isn’t world class mall a total oxymoron? Speaking of oxymorons, associating ‘world class’ with Vancouver is classic. This article is nothing more than masturbatory public relations for a proposal that vastly exceeds view cone limits. Besides, how many dying luxury brand outlets and bubble tea stores do this city need?

Housing meme of the day:

Whistler hotel must repay $85,000 in tips used for managers’ wages. Um, wait, managers aren’t supposed to make tips? Um….

Also, from IWW:

Tipping is an archaic bandaid fix for the fact that employers will not pay a living wage, we don’t just want a living wage, we the abolition of the wage system. Remember that any wage is still theft from those who produce value for bosses.

Is it a rack or a hook? Distinction decides B.C. strata dispute over bike hung in carport. Abolish all governments. People are petty assholes projecting anxieties over a loss of control in a rapidly changing world where climate uncertainty and global inequality reign. They lash out with petty grievances and appeal to an arbitrary system of rules to flex their entitlement.

Kobe Bryant tribute at West End apartment sparks outrage among tenants. I mean, landlord using tenants money aside, we probably shouldn’t be mourning a credibly accused rapist…

Meanwhile: Surrey mayor’s moment of silence for Kobe Bryant ‘surprising’ on Holocaust Remembrance Day. That’s a big yikes from me, dog.

Journalist Peter Akman no longer works for CTV after infamous coronavirus tweet. Talk shit, get hit.

Related: People are travelling with containers on their heads at YVR. Now that’s just bad optics.

Honour bound: UBC to launch new Trans, Two-spirit and Gender Diversity Task Force. But still allow TERFs and other bigots to speak on campus?

BC of the day: Man in Speedo caught on video waterskiing streets of Fernie.

Bonus: Bike Lanes are NOT for Vehicles. Cops do this all the time.