Tea & Two Slices is a long-running local news round-up by NEEDS frontman and veteran dishwasher Sean Orr, who lives and works in Gastown, deeply aware of his privilege.

Vancouver House: Whose House Is This? “Former Vancouver planning chief Ray Spaxman told the Vancouver Sun this year that developers want potential buyers in Hong Kong or China to think: “I haven’t seen one of those before, I’ve got to have one.” It’s a massive phallic knife that will twist into the backs of the under-housed. A flashy LED billboard selling Vancouver’s soul to the globe; an exclusive Hedge City safety deposit box in the sky. Collect them all!

Bubble watch: Coal Harbour condo sale shows market has picked up again, agent says. But yes, please tell me how the foreign buyers tax and the speculation tax is killing the market. “An unusual twist, he says, is that the seller tried to sell the buyers his mattress. “They said, ‘I don’t think so. We just paid $3.4-million, why would we want your old mattress?’”

Meanwhile in Burnaby: Burnaby 1-bedroom rents skyrocket nearly 11%: report. 16% in Abbotsford. 14% in Victoria. Inaction on province-wide rent/land control can’t be because 82 out of 86 MLAs own one or more houses, can it? /sarcasm

Solidarity: Hundreds expected at striking hotel workers’ rally in Vancouver. Wherein Melissa De Genova hilariously thinks it was a conflict of interest for Jean Swanson to encourage people to attend this. Ah yes, the wife of a cop who brings pro-police motions to council and who takes massive donations from developers lecturing us on conflict of interests. Best response:

Bylaw targeting ‘aggressive’ panhandlers passes in Maple Ridge. Ridgelantes up their ante in the war on the poor. What does “aggressive” even mean? Who decides?

Dear city officials, quit making being poor illegal. You will only fuel worse crimes.

Pan handling shouldn’t be illegal.
Living in a vehicle shouldn’t be illegal.
Sleeping on the street shouldn’t be illegal.

If this is in your city, you’re failing, not them. Do your job.#vanre

— Brad Barrett (@brad_barrett) November 14, 2019

Oh Gastown, never change: Missing bronze sculpture worth $24,000 recovered in Gastown. Yeah, it’s beside an SRO but it’s also next door to Megabite so I’m gonna go with “drunk guy steals sculpture, sculpture is heavy, hey look pizza…”

An injury to one is an injury to all: Man killed in East Vancouver blaze was staying late to finish work, firefighters believe. The tragedy of neoliberalism claims another victim.

You reap what you blow: This Vancouver man received death threats for advocating to ban gas-powered leaf blowers. Don’t fuck with the powerful Leaf Blowing cartel.

Snitches get stitches: Vancouver police need public tips to catch parking meter vandals. Yeah, don’t hold your breath for a slew of volunteers.

Is Vancouver the loneliest city? Weird that the most expensive city to live in is also the loneliest. Could the two possibly be related? Nah. Vancouver is awesome.

Could it be that our war on fun might result in negative outcomes? From the Retinal Circus to the Cave, the essential Vancouver After Dark remembers the city’s most fabled night spots.

You should know: Sadie Kuehn Wants You to Know BC’s Black History.

Islandist: Lucky lather: Vancouver Island company launches Lucky Lager-scented soap.