Tea & Two Slices is a long-running local news round-up by NEEDS frontman and veteran dishwasher Sean Orr, who lives and works in Gastown, deeply aware of his privilege.

There isn’t a violin small enough: Owner of $24 million Point Grey home goes to court to fight $249,000 vacancy tax bill. Ah yes, the new face of speculation. Make it look like you’re doing repairs for four years so it doesn’t look like you’re leaving the house empty. Kind of brilliant, really.

God forbid anything spontaneous and full of joy sneaks past the puritanical parks board: This colourful memorial will be replaced with a generic city park bench. Imagine being this fucking uptight? Imagine going through your life thinking only of bylaw violations and not potential for human compassion in the face of grief…

Am I being hyperbolic in thinking this is the perfect metaphor for Vancouver? In a city wracked with multiple crises – where thousands die a year from preventable overdoses; where our best and brightest are forced to move; where we’ve become a parking lot for global cash – this can only be interpreted as rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Meanwhile, a hero emerges: Vancouver Park Board accused of playing dirty pool in the ‘Park and Poo’ sign saga. “Dude pooping park”.

World Class City: TransLink deems extending SkyTrain hours later into the night unfeasible. “TransLink would also have to incur real hard costs for later night services on the two nights; about $20 million would be required to upgrade and purchase maintenance equipment, and its annual operating costs would increase by $10 million”. Now cross-reference that number with the cost of drunk driving. Seems worth it to me, “shadowbus” be damned.

Why we can’t have nice things: No Fun Radio calls it quits. God damn it, Vancouver…

Svend Robinson: ‘Our Last Chance to Turn Things Around’. Can someone come up with Oooh Jeremy Corbyn-style chant for Svend?

B.C. government wants to know how you feel about time. [takes hit of legal government indica] Duuuuuude, time is like…totally relative. Time is a spiral and space is a curve, man. Nothing is forever because nothing ever was. Pretty soon you will be living in the dream state, dreaming in the living state and you will understand that physical reality is just a dream. Oh, you mean Daylight Savings and whatnot? Carry on.

I hate everyone: Watch this reckless driver do donuts in busy Vancouver intersection (VIDEO).

Deep dive: Fake Art.

Honour bound: DTES Alley Mural Project.