On the Upcoming Outdoor Handjob Festival and Scenes From the Cherry Blossom Apocalypse

Tea & Two Slices is a long-running local news round-up by NEEDS frontman and veteran dishwasher Sean Orr, who lives and works in Gastown, deeply aware of his privilege.

See you in court: B.C. responds to Jason Kenney’s threat to ‘turn off the taps’ day 1, if elected. It didn’t work when Notley pulled this stunt, and it won’t work when this blustering buffoon tries the same. We know where our gas comes from and we know where Alberta’s timber comes from.

It’s not our fault that you gambled on low oil prices and lost. It’s not our fault you didn’t properly manage your resources. It’s not our fault you didn’t go slow and save the money: The Coddling of the Alberta Mind:

Coddling a mind is a terrible thing, but coddling a province is a social disaster.

In the current election campaign, no politician wants to pony up and tell the truth.

It wasn’t foreigners or bad actors who created Alberta’s failings; it was Albertans and their damn greed and lack of strategic planning.

A pipeline won’t change the fact that nobody is buying your shitty oil: China has stopped buying crude oil from Western Canada after record purchase in 2018. I love that we risked our coastline for 10 bucks a barrel. Besides, Asia just doesn’t have the appetite for bitumen. They don’t have the refineries. The Gulf does though, and that’s where most of it goes.

I haven’t really covered much of the SNC Lavalin affair on TATS. While it was certainly concerning that our faux-feminist PM was gaslighting an indigenous minister, it just seemed like there were more important things to worry about: Vancouver Centre MP Hedy Fry says constituents are more interested in bread and butter issues than SNC-Lavalin.

You know, more important things like the intersection of gang violence, fentanyl deaths, and a runaway real estate market making this joke of a town on the verge of becoming a failed state: B.C. mayor calls for inquiry into the province’s money laundering epidemic.

Nah, let’s all just go to this outdoor handjob festival instead: This outdoor bed cinema is coming to Vancouver this summer. Cue Harsha Walia:

In a post-revolutionary world, you would find me at this all summer long. but right now, I can only feel so angry that people i know are sleeping on the street without homes or beds in a city that raids people’s tents in parks in the DTES but is providing massive amounts of lawn space for hipsters to watch movies in Kits.

The Wrath of Strath be damned: Community panel picks route for new road through Vancouver’s False Creek Flats. Uh…they picked an overpass going over fourteen tracks with two right angles in a major thoroughfare over an underpass going under two tracks? Are the people who live on Prior Street really that powerful?

Event of the month: May Day Billionaire Bash. “We’ll be touring the “Billionaire Row” on Belmont Street in Vancouver’s westside, where just 10 houses are worth $433 million. The stops along the way will highlight how individuals in Vancouver are profiting immensely by exploiting land and people – often with government support – and contributing to growing inequality”.

Instagram of the day: Cherry Blossom Madness.

Bonus: Iconic grocery described as most photographed store in Vancouver is up for sale.

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