On East Van Stereotypes And Bros Gone Wild On A Summer Beer Cruise

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by Sean Orr | Panama Papers related satire of the day: RBC bests Scotiabank with new ad campaign ‘you’re richer than the government thinks’. And we laughed and laughed…

The last great place…to ruin: Scamcouver finds ad promoting “Burquitlam” as the last great place in Vancouver. Never heard of it? Check the Vancouver Lexicon.

CTV reporter Jon Woodward shows how hackers can bypass SkyTrain fare gates. “Hackers” of course being being those with the wherewithal and tech acumen to download and install two apps.

Mulcair’s out. How did it happen and what’s next? I hope the party knows that they can’t replace him with Bernie Sanders.

Because we got one hell of a Hillary to defeat: Trudeau convinced that pipeline strategy must be top priority. Even if he campaigns from the left and governs from the right, we’ll always have Paris.

With the federal NDP adopting the Leap Manifesto, what does this mean for John Horgan and the provincial NDP? Parts of Leap Manifesto make ‘no sense’ for B.C., NDP Leader John Horgan says. Oh, dear. “When you are talking about no jobs at Site C, no jobs in liquefied natural gas, you are saying ‘No’ to workers in this province”. But we can’t even hire workers from this province!

Also, it’s just not fucking true:

“Canada’s solar industry has grown 100 times over the past decade,” Boyd told the Straight last year. “Canada’s wind industry is in the top 10 globally without any federal support. If there were actually federal programs to support those industries, we would be at the top of the leaderboard, and we would have less pollution as a country. We would have more green jobs. We would have a more sustainable economy and we would all be better off.” This is what the Leap Manifesto authors are advocating: more jobs.

Meanwhile, this is how Christy Clark Talks to Kids about Taxes. Um, she talks to most adults about taxes like this too, and they fucking believe it. But how does she explain to the children that low taxes also mean the highest child poverty in Canada?

Every once in a while, something happens on the internet that brings everyone together, like the trolling of the Vancouver Craft Brew Cruise’s Facebook event page. Though it’s not as funny as it was before it was taken down, the page is now back up and the questions are still coming…

“Is there going to be a VIP section for people to talk about beers you probably haven’t heard of?”

“Will I have to tip the bike valet?”

“will there be enough space for me to do stand up paddle boarding reiki yoga with my dog? also are your beers gmo, hormone, cage, sugar and gluten free? asking for a friend”

“will there be cariboo’s on tap?”

Related: 21 signs your grew up in East Van. I’ll let my friend Kellen – who actually did grow up in East Van – reply:

“People who grew up in East Vancouver are scientists, diplomats, NHL stars, lawyers, doctors, community organizers, business owners, artists, makers, and a billion things other than how this article chooses to characterize them. We don’t all skateboard and were not all part of your appropriated tattoo’d dickhead identity.”

Fake news of the day: Jennifer Lopez Explains Why She’s Moving to Nanaimo, British Columbia. Thank God for Snopes.

Sports of the day: Roy Madison and the East Van Baseball League.

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