by Sean Orr | “That wasn’t an earthquake, that was Lemmy getting the boot from Heaven” — B.C. earthquake wakes up Vancouver, Victoria-area residents. But who the hell are these psychopaths in bed before midnight?

Now imagine that earthquake multiplied by a million: B.C. megathrust earthquake will rip earth open like a zipper, expert says. But by all means, go ahead and buy a jug of distilled water and some canned tuna.

Related saitre: Geologists warn that Vancouver long overdue for enormous party.

What do to before, during, and after an earthquake. Um…duh, call 911 for no good reason and then go on Twitter.

The great tweetquake of 2015:

#Vancouver #Earthquake #VanQuake2015 pic.twitter.com/8FNveVEbax

— The Specialist (@TheSpecialist4) December 30, 2015

But seriously, should I put pants on? #vanquake2015

— Todd Nickel (@toddnickel) December 30, 2015

It’s good to know that in our darkest hour we will be tweeting to confirm, “Yup, darkest hour!”

— Steve Mann (@MuckyMann) December 30, 2015

Love this “earth quack” sign that was posted at a #SkyTrain station last night. #earthquake #spellingcounts pic.twitter.com/wKXNSBPKmA

— Nafeesa Karim (@nafeesakarim) December 30, 2015

Last night’s #earthquake really got me thinking about preparedness. I’m not putting it off any longer. Heading to liquor store right now

— steve newton (@earofnewt) December 30, 2015

No injuries after SUV crashes through West Side spiritual bookstore “An upstairs neighbour said she was still awake after an earlier earthquake, and thought she was feeling an aftershock…” Sorry, but there aren’t enough amethyst crystals in the world to protect you from Vancouver drivers.

Meanwhile, I’m sure Christy Clark will find a way to blame Alberta for the quake: 2015 Year In Review: one-on-one with Christy Clark. Money quote: “We live in this world of instability…” Which is a good way of saying, when the economy is good it’s because of us, but when it’s bad it’s because the world is bad.

Continued: “On natural gas, First Nations have been very supportive of that”. Um…nope, that’s just not true.

Continued: “I said look, until other provinces start catching up to us, for heaven’s sake, we don’t want make our province so uncompetitive that businesses just leave, go to the other side of the Rocky Mountains, and pollute without restrictions…” Again, it’s because Alberta.

Continued: “It’s a hard job, it’s a really hard job…” Especially when your premier throws you under the bus!

Continued: “We have a jobs growth plan. That’s how you eliminate poverty”. Nope. Not when a single mother of three is stuck on welfare that’s been frozen for over a decade. Not when you have a mental or physical disability. Not when the quality of jobs is declining.

Continued: “There are 150 coal plants on the books in China right now. British Columbia can make a huge contribution to stopping those coal plants from being built by sending them our LNG…” Wow. So because China is awful, we can afford to increase emissions? Did Christy Clark attend the Double Standard School of Logic?

Things not mentioned: Mount Polley, document destruction, the 135 lane Massey Bridge, or that the executive director of the Liberal Party just resigned after being hit with criminal charges in Ontario over a record-destruction scandal there.

Related: Admitting a Post-Paris Truth: BC’s LNG Pipe Dream Is Over.

But back to that double standard for a minute: How a green Vancouver is benefiting from China’s toxic wealth. “Smog in Beijing, smug in Vancouver.” Can someone please print that on a T-shirt?

Speaking of smugness: Downtown Eastside tech hub preps for November 2016 launch.

Walia added that starting a new cluster in the Downtown Eastside could be difficult because there’s no SkyTrain station within walking distance and employees might have security concerns walking through the neighbourhood. Walia suggested frequent shuttle buses to a SkyTrain station would also be necessary to address concerns potential employees might have about safety.

I can’t even…

Unrelated sidenote: Do you know Bob from Calgary?

Bonus: ‘As historically accurate as possible’: Vancouver man hooked on Lego megaprojects.