On Vancouver’s Two Wilsons And Sleeping In On A Big News Day

by Sean Orr | Aaaaaand go: Rob Ford : ‘Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine.’. Probably, I dunno. I can’t remember. My fucking brain cells are toast, probably from all that…oh wait...

Much trubble! But for all the furor and condemnation, you have to admire the Toronto Mayor’s use of the taciturn. “You asked me the wrong questions”. Brilliant. That’ll show the blood sucking liberal media to be…um…more thorough in their blood sucking.

“Are these morons getting dumber or just louder?” His obfuscation can only be compared to a fictional character: Who Said It: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford or Simpsons Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby? More importantly, of course, How Old Is The NFL Tie Toronto’s Mayor Wore To Admit He Smokes Crack?

But we shouldn’t laugh. He’s in complete denial. As Chef Van Geest quips, “Crack Cocaine use is never funny, unless it’s the loudmouth, lying, neo-con mayor of Toronto. Then, it’s comedy gold!” And while Jon Stewart recommends rehab, I say he follows the sage advice of one of Canada’s great civic leaders: “If they don’t want to go (to rehab), well, then you just enforce the law. If it’s illegal, you arrest them. That’s the bottom line and if they have to dry out in jail— great”. – Rob Ford

All your base are belong to Ford: Allegedly sleeping worker a ‘black eye’ for Toronto, should be fired, Ford says after seeing photo. I guess the obvious joke here is, ‘Well, he wouldn’t have been sleeping on the job if Ford would’ve shared his stash”.

And because I slept in on The Greatest Newsday of 2013, I saw the following press conference after the above revelation: Doug Ford calls on Toronto police chief to step down. “He’s created a bias towards the mayor.” I don’t really think he needs much help in that matter. “I think we have some issues here”. That’s probably true. “Am I intimidated”? No? You should be. Forget a police chief commenting (however inappropriately) on evidence. How about hiring a hacker to destroy said evidence?

Retro Bonus: “I say he’s going to be the greatest mayor this city has ever seen, as far as I’m concerned. And all you left wing kooks can put that in your pipe and smoke it.” – Don Cherry.

Not to be outdone, however, are long-time rivals to Toronto, the Ottawa Senators, who tie the game: Senate suspends Brazeau, Duffy and Wallin without pay for improper expenses. And yet Harper, who appointed all three, gets off scot-free. Must be a vast, left-wing conspiracy.

Meanwhile, on the West Coast : Baby seal goes for a ride on top of a rowing shell in Coal Harbour! Really? Wow! That is one of the nicest baby seals I have ever seen in my life, Vancouver. – Owen Wilson (watch video above).

From Owen to Chip: Is this mural allowed? Lululemon founder Chip Wilson is about to find out. “No one seemed to be concerned when it said “Smell my butthole” in giant letters on the wall”- Graeme Berglund, project organizer. Well, at least it isn’t some crazy thing like a seaside bike lane! Shudder to think.

B.C., Alberta premiers agree on pipeline framework. Our populist twit of a premier flip flops after Alberta’s populist twit of a premier calls her bluff. And the Lovely Latte Ladies club is adjourned, for now.

Sauder dean fires student body. The harsh vagaries of the business world get applied masterfully.

Not satire: B.C. school bans kindergarteners from touching each other. Enforcement of this rule might look a little like Arrested Development.

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