by Sean Orr | Throw me a frickin’ bone speech: Seven of the dumbest things said during the Throne Speech. “Canadians work hard to make ends meet, and every dollar counts”. Bloody logical positivists!

Spam from the Throne: Stephen Harper’s social media staffer oughta be reported for Twitter abuse. You know you’ve really screwed up when Brent Butt is outraged.

First among equals: If Elizabeth May was prime minister, this would be today’s throne speech. You had me at Runnymede.

Public service announcement: Way to cheat Translink’s Compass card system discovered. “There will continue to be some areas where fare evasion may be possible”. Well, at least they’re making it fun for us!

Problem homeowners could be forced to sell.”More than 11-hundred complaints over a five year period”. Wow, that really puts my neighbour’s penchant for rhinoceros impressions into perspective.

Sexy Halloween costumes are okay, now let’s stop mocking them! Featuring such subversive, radical feminist theory as “and, omg wtf yolo, women actually take this opportunity and run with it? I can’t see anything wrong with it.”

Cliche of the week: Fight over stolen bong ends in stabbing at Langley elementary school.

Local yelp review of the week year: Deedee does The Diamond: “This place sucks more dicks than a machine designed with the sole intended purpose of sucking the most dicks possible in the shortest amount of time”. Don’t hold back or anything.

We’re going to need a “people who think the Onion is real” type page for This is That: Canadian border guard bullies CBC Radio host. A little too realistic, methinks.