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“Grapegate” Getting Comical In Wine Expert-Filled Legislature

The following (hat tip to reader MD) is a hansard draft of yesterday’s exchange on the Grapegate scandal in the BC legislature, with some invented peanut gallery imaginings thrown in for colour. The Honourables involved are Lana Popham (Saanich South), Rich Coleman (Fort Langley-Aldergrove), Kathy Corrigan (Burnaby-Deer Lake), and Michael Farnworth (Port Coquitlam). The dancing from Rich Coleman reminds me of Senator Collins in “The Front Fell Off”, that old Australian comedy skit that sees a stoney faced politician explaining how safe oil tankers are after one crashes and spills 80,000 tonnes of crude off the coast. Watch above, then click ahead…

L. Popham: Yesterday, we heard about the 2010 games being used to sell knockoff Cowichan sweaters. Today, let’s talk about fake B.C. wine. For example, Jackson Triggs Esprit wine has the Vancouver 2010 logo plastered on the front of the bottle even though it’s nothing more than cheap foreign plonk. Can the Minister of State for the Olympics tell me why this government is allowing phoney wine to be sold under our B.C. Olympic logo?

I’m going to wager not really.

Interjections.

Mr. Speaker: Members.

Hon. R. Coleman: There are two issues in the member’s question. One was how wine is cellared in Canada in our liquor stores, which we are changing right now, as the member may be aware, because the discussion came up recently and came to our attention.

The second piece, though, is let’s remember that the company that has signed an agreement for Olympic sponsorship is an international company. When they signed that agreement for sponsorship, they don’t just put it on wines they sell in British Columbia but anywhere else in the world, if they wish, or any apparel or whatever they want, because they have a licensing agreement with VANOC.

Uh-huh…

The reality is that there’s an issue with regards to the blended wine versus B.C. 100 percent grape wine. That issue is being addressed and fixed.

You didn’t answer the question.

Mr. Speaker: The member has a supplemental.

L. Popham: I think that’s quite interesting, because last week the minister was quoted as saying: “I’m not totally dissatisfied with the way it is now.”

Oh, snap.

“We are showcasing our ability to deceive customers.” That’s what David Bond, the executive director of the B.C. Wine Growers, is saying about the Olympics.

And he was right.

Again to the Minister of State for the Olympics: why is she putting the reputation of our world-class B.C. wines at risk by allowing cheap foreign plonk to be sold under the B.C. Olympic logo?

Hon. R. Coleman: First of all…I think it’s pretty smart that you caught me not answering your questionVQA wine is 100 grape wine, British Columbia’s is probably the best wine in the world, and it’s made in British Columbia.

Dude. We know you’re supposed to pander, but actual insertion of the tongue is kinda gross for all us kids. Just sayin’…you know people read this stuff, right?

Interjections.

Hon. R. Coleman: I love it. I love it.

Ew…

Interjections.

Mr. Speaker: Members. Minister, just take your seat for a second. Members.

Interjections.

Mr. Speaker: Members. Members. Minister, just take your seat for a second.  Continue, Minister.

Hon. R. Coleman: The member might also look at where Mr. Bond’s bias is with the organization he represents and his long commitment having arguments with regards to that premium wine in British Columbia through the wine industry in B.C.

And you’re a politician. Even stevens. Please continue…

Hon. R. Coleman: In addition to that, let’s recall this: an issue came to us that came across Canada with regards to blended wines in Canada. We said that we would look at the issue. We are looking at the issue. We’re dealing with it within our stores. Across Canada that’s also going to be done. Labelling of this wine, by the way, Member, is not a responsibility of the provincial government…

But that would be so awesome! Personally, I love the names of the two new BC Ferries: The Coastal Celebration and The Coastal Renaissance. Maybe hire that guy to brand all of our Merlot. I’m thinking Sloping Joy

Hon. R. Coleman: We don’t have jurisdiction over labelling federally, but we are addressing the issue with the industry who have agreed to find solutions with us so this issue can be dealt with and bring back the consumer confidence with regards to blended wines in British Columbia.

Wait a sec…has anyone yet mentioned that the only people who drink the “foreign plonk” in question could give a flying frag about quality? They couldn’t care less if the grapes were crushed by a quail’s rectum, for Christ’s sake. They want the cheapest possible wine, period.

K. Corrigan: My question is for the Minister of State for the Olympics, and we really hope she’ll get up and prove she deserves to be a minister today.

Friggin’ yawn.

If spinning Olympic knockoffs was a sport, this government would win a gold medal.

Just…wow. How totally Churchillian.

Today tourists and locals alike are buying a cheap Olympic imposter wine under the misconception they are buying one of our fine B.C. wines. This is leaving a decidedly sour taste in the mouth of B.C. wine producers.

Hey, while we’re at it, why don’t we make a special amendment to the Circle Jerk Act of 1986 telling our hotel front desk zombies to stop sending our international visitors to Glowbal and Kettle of Fish?

To the Minister of State for the Olympics: will she explain why this government has done nothing to ensure our Olympic wines are actually made in B.C.?

Erm…how about no?

Hon. R. Coleman: There’s the VQA label that represents 100 percent pure B.C. grape wine. In B.C. it is the premium product, and everybody knows that in British Columbia that knows anything about wine.

Holy grammar safari! Your grade nine English teacher called. He wants his effort back.

There is an issue with regards to some blended wines that we’re dealing with. It’s amazing. This is an international company that sells wine all over the world, has wineries all over the world, and they have an Olympic sponsorship which is international.

I suppose the next thing the members are going to get up and say: “You know what. Coca-Cola is a sponsor, but they better make all of the Coca-Cola they sell at the Olympics in the province of British Columbia.” Get a grip, member. Get a grip, members.

Nice logical labyrinth you just built there, Aristotle. You’re fired.

We’re welcoming the world to an international event. We have international sponsors, and the B.C. wine that will be at the Olympics with Vincor and Jackson-Triggs will be 100 percent B.C. grapes, where we’ll show the best wine in the country.

You might want to make sure, because if it isn’t, it’s sooo your ass.

Interjections.

Mr. Speaker: Members.  The Member has a supplemental.

K. Corrigan: This government promised the Olympics were going to be an opportunity to show off B.C., but unfortunately, it’s very clear from the answer that we just received that the government has absolutely no interest in using the Olympics to showcase local vineyards and wineries – absolutely no interest whatsoever.  Again to the Minister of State for the Olympics: Will she commit right now to stop.

Mr. Speaker: Members. Members. Member, just wait a second so we can hear.

Interjections.

Mr. Speaker: Members. Minister. Continue, member.

K. Corrigan: Will she commit right now to stop the misleading and damaging practice of selling foreign wine under our B.C. Olympic label today?

Fair question, posed directly and hard to weasel out of…

Hon. R. Coleman: As I explained to the members opposite, we had a consumer issue. We’re dealing with the consumer issue right now within our stores and with the relationship with the wine industry with regards to the consumer issue on blended wines.

Weasel…

But make it very clear that they made it very clear at the Olympic sponsorship site that they are going to use 100 percent B.C. grade VQA wine at the Olympics. That means…sponsorship site that they are going to use 100 percent B.C. VQA wine at the Olympics.

Uh-huh…

Mr. Speaker, just so you understand, that will be wine from a company named Vincor owned by Constellation, because they have paid millions of dollars to have the opportunity to have a sponsorship to support the Olympics in British Columbia, which we’re proud that they’re prepared to do.

You lost me.

Interjections.

Mr. Speaker: Members. Members. Just wait. Continue, member.

I wish Mr. Speaker could sometimes say stuff like “Oh, come on Member…you’re so full of shit that your blue eyes have turned brown…”

M. Farnworth: Now that we’ve had the commentary from binder boy over there, perhaps we can get to the real issue.

“Binder boy”? Oh it’s on, bitches!

Interjections.

Mr. Speaker: Members.

M. Farnworth: The public of British Columbia expects that when wine is sold bearing the Olympic logo of British Columbia, it is B.C. grapes and B.C. wine that’s in the bottle. That’s what they expect – nothing less. When they buy that wine right now. You pick up Naked Grape. It has the B.C. Olympic logo on it, and it says that it doesn’t hide itself. Well, it is.

Schooled.

Can the minister stand in this House and guarantee that the wine that is sold with the B.C. Olympic logo on it that represents our province contains only B.C. grapes and only B.C. wine?

Dramatic pause. Crickets chirping…

Hon. R. Coleman: I guess we’re lucky some French wine company didn’t buy the Olympic sponsorship and support the B.C. Olympics. The fact of the matter is a company that has wineries in British Columbia who make some of the best wines in the world here in British Columbia with 100 percent B.C. grapes has sponsored the Olympics. That’s what the people of the world are going to see when they come to British Columbia.

Fail.

[End of question period.]

There is 1 comment

  1. Will Alex Atamanenko do something for the Columbia Gardens Growers NOW that the entire issue has national prominence.