TEA & TWO SLICES: On Election Surprises And More Silly Fear Mongering In Gastown

by Sean Orr | Just as the Canucks could neither beat the San Jose Sharks nor the referees, the NDP could neither beat the Liberals nor the media. Or, in another hockey analogy, “the NDP must have consulted the Toronto Maple Leafs on how to hold a lead.”

And, again like the Canucks, taking the moral high ground gets you nowhere: Why did the NDP lose? Just as long as you don’t blame the Green Party, because “the only vote split that mattered was the one between the 48% who showed up and the 52% who couldn’t be fucking bothered”.

Which is exactly what the milquetoasts at The Tyee do: In a Greenless World, Would the NDP Have Won? Wherein their entire argument is predicated on the baseless assumption that every vote cast for the Greens would have been cast for the NDP. A more insightful question might be, what if the NDP backed the STV?

So how did the pollsters get it so wrong? Was it a conspiracy to keep the left apathetic? “Where the hell was Nate Silver on that one?”

The paradox of politics in BC c/o Dan Udey:

We hate the Liberals for bringing the HST in, even though it’s good for us. So we’ll get rid of the HST and keep the Liberals.

— Dan Udey (@danudey) May 15, 2013

Looking at a map, it seems the coast vs the interior is our version of Red State vs Blue State.

Not my Gastown: Where Are the Olympic Street Cams When We Need Them?
And the silly fear-mongering continues. Mentioning the Boston Marathon bombings in the same breath as anti-gentrification protests, as much as I think they are misguided, is just cheap, sophomoric journalism.

Ah, but what do I know? I’m the Frances Fukuyama of Gastown gentrification. Because history has nothing to do with our current social conditions, right? Wow.

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Picking The Wrong Horse & The Gentrification Of Middle Earth

by Sean Orr | The hubris of the (soon to be) defeated: Confused B.C. Premier writes down two names on voting slip. This goes beyond mere innocent buffoonery.
Like George H. Bush seeing a scanning gun at a supermarket for the first time, her naivety illuminates the contempt that elites show for everyday life, the same contempt that made her run a red light.

Convenient amnesia: “Who stands for protecting and growing the economy? I do. Adrian Dix and the NDP plan to blow up our economy”. In 2008, the Liberals presented an election budget that later turned out to be $1.2 billion out of whack. Their expansion of the Convention Centre was three-times over budget. The new BC Place roof was 5 times over budget. Since 2001, the Liberals have increased the individual debt of every man, woman and child in this province from about $8,000 to $40,000 (source). For 8 years in a row, BC led Canada in child poverty. They bankrupted Translink. They spent $16 million of your own money on pre-election advertising and spent $11 million on the Times of India Awards show to court the “ethnic” South Asian vote (source). They gave themselves huge pay raises despite sitting the least number of days in parliament. Yeah, goodbye. And please close the door on your way out.

Lefties are driven by feelings, Righties by ideas and debate. That is so not true and the mere suggestion makes me feel so m…oh, I see what you did there. Clever.

Not even the Communists agree with it: PiDGiN protest attracts notice from Vancouver-Mount Pleasant candidates. Great, but I’m still confused as to why Elections BC groups together Gastown, Chinatown, Strathcona, Hastings-Sunrise, Cedar Cottage, and Mount Pleasant. I’m so sick of voting for Jenny Kwan. All Hans on deck?

We are not New York and never will be: Gentrification in “My Brooklyn” and the Downtown Eastside. I will just respond with this.

Business as usual: Another round of evictions. Wherein the same economic processes that forced Biotheque Cosmetics and Au Petit Chavignol to close are re-named “gentrification” for others.

Meanwhile The Red Gates move in to – yup, you guessed it - 800 East Hastings. How can you be victims and agents of gentrification at the same time? Moral relativism and the dichotomy of capital, that’s how.

Meanwhile, the Hush magazine seem to think it’s as simple as an increase in population: It’s not Gentrification. It’s Mathematics. Nope, not even close. It’s gentrification. Even I know that. It’s just that the DTES was a commercial district that was abandoned by big businesses and is now being filled up with small ones. The word gentrification is so vague that it refuses to differentiate between what is responsible and irresponsible.

Tweet of the Day c/o Cameron Reed:

You know, sometimes you just pick the wrong horse. And then that horse shuts down all the culture spaces in a city. Sorry, y’all.

— Cameron Reed (@cameronreed) May 13, 2013

The gentrification of Middle Earth: Hobbit House for sale. I saw someone share this on Twitter calling for Mayor Gregor to step in and save this 2.65 million dollar beloved piece of our heritage eyesore. Please Mr. Robertson, do something to stop the displacement of our tiny, furry-footed friends! Do it for The Shire and all that we ‘old dear!

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Picketing Fancy Art Galleries And Going The Distance For Drugs

by Sean Orr | If ever an inbox needed flooding: Will social media change Canadian politics? Hasn’t happened yet. Yeah, because Twitter didn’t absolutely explode when he suggested child porn was an issue of personal liberty. Anyways, here is Mr. Flanagan’s email address. Let him know if you agree or disagree.

Tom Flanagan did not write the following article: Time to shutter Attawapiskat reserve 266. “Let’s be blunt.” But why? You’re the media. It’s not your job to be blunt. It’s to offer up insight into the thousand shades of grey that permeate any and every discussion of our colonial heritage and the damage incurred therein. Can’t do it? Quit and start a blog. We got jackets and everything.

Alberta now the bogeyman in B.C. election battle. Christy Clark: “We don’t need the federal government and we don’t need Alberta.” Hmm, maybe she’s gunning to be the new leader of the Western Canada Concept Party now that Doug Christie has resigned died.

Infowars: What does $1.3 billion and $2.75 buy you from TransLink? Let’s not kid ourselves, it’s the bureacracy of Translink that people complain about, like how the board is made up of hand-picked CEOs who know everything about chauffeurs and nothing at all about transit.

United We Can’s move to new site poses problems for Vancouver binners. From a different article we see what that problem actually is: “Drug dealers have congregated around United We Can on East Hastings to take advantage of binners who are paid cash once they return their bottles. “When we move, we will leave that problem behind”. Ah, so the major problem posed is that they will have to travel farther to buy drugs? Got it, thanks.

The People vs Gregor Robertson. Well, you’re bound to upset people when you walk the ridiculously tight line between developer handouts and social welfare, but that doesn’t mean I’d trust anyone else to run this city. Also, this is the first time I have seen the word “bumf” used.

And this is the second time: Dear Georgia Straight: it’s over – The Man played the long game, and he won. “Pure real estate ad copy and lifestyle bumf”.

VIVO evicted. Yup, while anti-gentrification protesters target fancy restaurants, another art venue gets shuttered. It’s really too bad that it’s the artists (hipsters) who are the evil people who actually cause gentrification. I smell a gallery picket on the horizon, and it stinks.

And speaking of hipsters: Vancouver church buying the Centre for Performing Arts. Wow, who knew that capitalizing on the anxieties and fears of young people would actually pay off?

Waste Coast: A Day at Green Burrito.

TEA & TWO SLICES: On “Ref, You Suck!” & Gastown’s Tradition Of Nightclub Stabbings

by Sean Orr | Imagine the Iron Lady in a Canucks’ jersey: Christy Clark continues with the Margaret Thatcher schtick. Perhaps it just highlights the chauvinism of conservative morality and it’s probably why women haven’t warmed to the BC Liberals during her tenure.

Pre-emptive strike? Enter the George W. Bush approach to criminology: When Proactive Policing Crosses the Line. Those stats are mind blowing! They’d totally give credence to the anti-gentrification protests if Pidgin co-owner Brandon Grosutti personally gave out each of those 1448 tickets. He didn’t? Oh.

Yawn: Is it me or is news a lot more boring than in days gone by? Was that a de facto admission that your paper has failed as a source of journalistic integrity?

Man stabbed outside Vancouver nightclub. Welcome to the neighbourhood, Empire Nightclub! Carrying on the great Vancouver tradition of nightclub stabbings! Loft 6 would be proud…

What happens when a Canucks fan orders pizza during the game? Hilarity ensues. Perfectly understandable, bro.

And speaking of the Canucks, where are the conspiracy theorists when you really need them? Have another donut, ref. You suck.

Popular Vegan Secret Supper Club gets cookbook treatment. Attagirl, Merida!

Bonus: Seedstock Community Currency.

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Harper’s History & Getting Hysterical About Junior Anarchists

by Sean Orr | Canadian history comes under Conservative review in Parliament. As it happens, John A. Macdonald was a lumberjack who single handedly defeated the Nazis at the battle of 1812. True story!

Voters should be concerned about Adrian Dix’s flip-flops. Wherein Jordan Bateman conveniently omits that he is the president of Rich Coleman’s Fort Langley-Aldergrove riding. Alas, witness the attack-ad morality of conservatives and the Liberal platform mentioning the NDP more than it does First Nations. They are obsessed! Time to fight back?

Tweet of the Day c/o Steve Burgess:

Hey, maybe the #Canucks can buy the front page of 24 Hours tomorrow to announce a Game One victory. #bcpoli

— Steve Burgess (@steveburgess1) May 2, 2013

Oh noes, the little anarchists are coming! Hide yo children! Hide yo wife! Mayor Robertson: Soon There Will Be Blood. I was waiting for them to stop by L’Abattoir. I made a helpful sign and everything.

Meanwhile, the VPD put out an APB for UBC Lab Animal protestor, Occupy Protestor, Pidgin protestor Robyn Pickell. Psst! Try looking inside a dumpster off Commercial Drive.

Round two, fight! Vancouver Not Vegas issues court challenge to Pavco and Paragon BC Place casino plan. Oh, just leave the poor slot machines alone!

Poetry is Dead: Mental Health: Inside/Out – Letter from the Editors.

Local restaurant owner speaks out on service, tipping, and server wages. One thing that I haven’t seen mentioned is that the server wage is a de facto admission by the government that you no longer have to declare your tips as income.

Spartacus Books on East Hastings is being evicted: But Why?.

A message from John, the recently shuttered arts and culture facility at 1870 Pandora Street.

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Mayday Marching And Buying The Front Page In Desparation

by Sean Orr | Well, when you can no longer buy the media, just buy the front page! Front-page B.C. Liberal election ad calling Christy Clark the ‘comeback kid’ an ‘illusion’: NDP leader Adrian Dix. Yup, a fake front page for a fake premier…

The Not Working At All party: No political party for 100,000 people facing homelessness in B.C.. Wherein Rabble examines the gamut of political parties in BC from NDP to Liberal. Seriously, I dare you to look at the Green Party platform, like once.

This election stuff is soooo gay: Nine openly gay candidates running in BC election. Let’s just hope we are spared the Tim Tebow-style “proud to be straight” knee-jerk reaction.

Death by a thousand cuts: Students protest Capilano University arts program cuts. Although in a way it’s probably the most a college has ever done to actually prepare students for the real world.

M’Aidez: See you at the Vancouver Mayday Anti-Capitalist March. Yup, I’m one reminding you that food and beverage servers have their own special minimum wage that is lower than everyone else’s. So take your co-optation of a proud working class tradition elsewhere. Might I suggest Goldman Sachs?

Or maybe the offices of The Fraser Institute: First Nations reserves: The land private property forgot. Halleleujah, the free market is here to save us from our colonial past!

Hundreds complain about Vancouver parking officers. The not so delicate art of parking?

Bonus: “Whom we play tonight hardly matters”. Nabokov wins one for the Islanders.

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Pizza For Lunch & The Scourge Of Gentrification In Yaletown

by Sean Orr | Stop Thinking: String of terror incidents no reason to ‘commit sociology’: Stephen Harper. Well, I was thinking of taking a nap first but I was planning to do some sociology later on tonight, if you catch my drift…

You’re bound to be disappointed when you reject everything: B.C. NDP disappoints anti-poverty activists with campaign promises on welfare rates. OK, OK, I take that back, the NDP needs to do better. May I suggest a scalpel and some crazy glue?

Yaffe while you can: Barbara Yaffe: If B.C.’s NDP wins, those of us needing to work can always move to Alberta. Oh, please do! In this case, those of us needing work are those of us who are corporate shills willing to ram the free market narrative through the fourth estate. “A new Raven coal mine on Vancouver Island, or a Prosperity gold copper mine in the Cariboo-Chilcoten, or BC Hydro’s Site C dam near Fort St. John? No, no and no.” Yes, yes, yes!

Hagiographic tripe: Christy Clark, a politician first (and reckless driver second). “In her son’s bag is the pizza and Krispy Kreme doughnut Clark packed for his lunch. Left on the dining room table at home is the raffle-ticket sign-up form that still needs to be completed”. Ignoring for a second that this actually passes for journalism in 2013 (shudder), she packs pizza and doughnuts for her kid’s school lunch. Healthy family strategy, my ass!

Finally, a candidate you can believe in: Mischa Popoff Will Not Be Bullied. Oh, I can smell the manure from here!

BC Election 2013 Wildcard: How ’bout those Canucks? You didn’t need to give people another reason not to cheer for them, sheesh.

So…now anytime a business goes bankrupt we get to blame gentrification? Tapas bars and bottles and cans: when your neighbourhood leaves you behind. Just to make sure, you guys realize you are talking about losing a tapas bar in Yaletown, right?

Another real estate scam: Who is Kerri Lynn McAllister?

TEA & TWO SLICES: On My Big Election & Homeless Dave’s Amazing New Discoveries

by Sean Orr | Uh-oh! Someone got their funding taken away: Vancity in the Downtown Eastside: The Gentrification Drive of BC’s Largest Credit Union. Or all of these things are bad: hiring otherwise un-employable members of the community, growing food in under-used lots, sandwich tokens, Woodwards, Habitat for Humanity, the Portland Hotel Society, donuts, coffee, and of course, the hidden perils of tight pants and facial hair.

Related: “I live near the condos [60 W Cordova] and I notice there are stores nearby now that sell $12,000 couches”, Uh, here’s a newsflash for Homeless Dave: InForm has been “near the condos” for decades. Seriously, why isn’t anyone blaming the Old Spaghetti Factory?

Related: Ivan Drury has resigned from his position as CCAP’s main organizer. Ding, dong, is the witch really dead?

Kinder Surprise: Dix declares opposition to Kinder Morgan pipeline expansion. Happy (belated) Earth Day future Premier, even if you are anti-Canadian.

Hey, why not sell the Convention Centre Expansion at a huge loss, too? Dix says NDP will try to sell BC Place to cover Pavco debt. Leading to the Tweet of the Day c/o LeyneLes:

“Fully-renovated character stadium, close to downtown. Receipts available. 100+ bathrooms. Motivated vendor. ”

— Les Leyne (@LeyneLes) April 24, 2013

I’ve got a big election: Whipped: The Secret World Of Party Discipline. Kinky. I think I’m going to go poll my riding.

I love Canada: Moose scientists ‘muzzled’ during B.C. election. For serious.

No tunes for you: Grimes denounces sexism in music industry.

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Sophomoric Smear Pieces & Selling Poutine To Confused Folks

by Sean Orr | With all the tact of a rabid pitbull after a head-swap operation, The Province introduces their election Tumblr You Call BS. OK, I call BS.

“A writ, when dropped in a vacuum, will accelerate towards the earth at 9.81 m/s^2. Meanwhile, Christy Clark’s approval rating is doing about the same” – Ian King on Facebook.

Real Politicians of BC: BC Election 2013: Meet the Youngest Candidates. Dudes, are you sure that isn’t the cast of Parks & Recreation?

World Bank Debars SNC-Lavalin Inc. and its Affiliates for 10 years. Nah, but it’s cool. They can build our great Train in the Sky.

Tweet of the day c/o Bob Kronbauer:

Favourite snippets from Vancouver-centric news headlines today: “boondoggle”, “grain silos anger residents” and “beaver takes up residence”

— Vancouver Is Awesome (@VIAwesome) April 16, 2013

Favourite headline of the day: “We’re selling poutine to a lot of confused people“.

While I may not share VANDU’s core value system, I certainly don’t trust the Province to out them in a sophomoric smear piece like this: Pro-dope, anti-cop VANDU network allowed to skip city regulations. Ah, “The evil attitudes of a thoughtless majority”. I think I have the name of my band’s next record!

While I may not share the Pidgin protestors’ core value system… Editorial: Protesters getting kid-glove treatment.

This is what democracy looks like? Real Hipsters of Vancouver: Pick New Hipsters. I didn’t think it was even possible for things to get more ironic.

Cannot be unseen: This Is Sparta Sunrise.

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Liquor Laws, Real Hipsters, And Pepper Spraying Protestors

by Sean Orr | International news is not within my purview, but condolences to everyone in Boston. And Pakistan. And Afghanistan. And Iraq.

Ladies and Gentleman, we have a winner: Dix will ban corporate, union donations to political parties. Hopefully this will result in the creation of, like, 73 new political parties (all of them socialist.

Enter stage left: VisionBC! Sounds interesting, but what exactly are ”candid candidates”? They sound cast members in a terrible reality TV show…

Oh god, that totally reminds me: ‘Real Hipsters Of Vancouver’ Audition Tapes. Hands down the winner is the girl repeating “I am a real hipster”. Transfixing!

Vancouver pawn shop building to become apartments. Sounds like a change for the better. Then again, that small band of ideologues, their pockets lined by Vancity and the Vancouver Foundation, are probably opposed to this.

When you call it war: Pidgin protester pepper-sprayed. What an awful waste of pepper spray.

Probably the most important story you’ll never read: BC Mental Health System For Teens Is Fractured.

Pro-fun city: Government of British Columbia: Improve liquor laws to facilitate live music for people of all ages. Yes, please.

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Damn Hippies, Sad Thatcherites, And A Tech Hub On The DTES

by Sean Orr | With the death of Thatcher yesterday, Free Market fundamentalists everywhere have been weeping into their copies of Atlas Shrugged: Margaret Thatcher the revolutionary architect of modern Britain. If only the Free Market was actually a free market!

COPE springs eternal: COPE will challenge Vision for Vancouver mayor’s job in 2014. Unfortunately, most of their campaigning will come in the form of ill-advised pickets at fancy restaurants and bilious blog posts.

And speaking of bilious blog posts: Downtown Eastside Tech Hub: City commits to “capital incubation” at the expense of housing and jobs. I understand that this symbol of the paradoxical relationship between the open drug market and policing (the flagship of the social experiment known as the DTES; the highly visible first pillar) is important, but do you really think someone would want to live in the old Police Station? Also, shouldn’t the government be opening up infrastructure all over the place? Does this blogger at The Mainlander see the Vancouver Film School (with their buildings swarming Victory Square) as first-level agents of gentrification? I mean, is she against all capital, or just some?

Report: Nation’s Gentrified Neighborhoods Threatened By Aristocratization. Sorry, I just had to.

The real working class of Vancouver: Divisions and Disparities in Lotus Land: The Social Geography of Income Polarization in Metro Vancouver. Social Housing In The Suburbs (SHITS) now!

Report provides tools for adapting to sea level rise. So wait…the BC Liberals now believe in climate change? Damn hippies!

Local bloke exposes hole in Liquid Natural Gas: Methane Beneath our Feet. It is better to read this entire article out loud in the Daniel Plainview voice.

Sometimes when I’m bored I read the letters in The Province: Letters: Roberto Luongo, Ten Commandments, climate change. “Hatred and anger are rampant and increasing.” Actually, aside from pockets of leftover archaic religious extremism, society is advancing by leaps and bounds. I’m sorry, but when I think of the Ten Commandments I think of Charleston Heston clutching a rifle in the wake of the Columbine massacre. It’s just so hard not to.

Why I voted to keep the HST (as horribly mismanaged as it was): Why PST in B.C. marks return of a ‘profoundly stupid tax’. Did people even read the question on the ballot? It wasn’t “do you like that the Liberals totally lied about it?”. Nor was it “hey, do you like taxes?” It was “do you want to take this wad of your own tax dollars that the Feds are giving us to streamline our tax system at a reduced rate of 10% because we fucked the whole thing so badly?” Seriously, I can’t wait until the NDP re-introduces it in…oh, let’s say around 2016.

Shout out: You Say Party’s Stephen O’Shea becomes Green Party candidate. #attaboy

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Unhappy Airports And Making Light Of Canada’s Wonderland

by Sean Orr | Two Canadians involved in Algerian terrorism attack. “How could anyone from this quiet, comfortable, middle-class neighbourhood end up waging jihad”? Holy shit! Do you still not know anything about terrorism? London, Madrid, New York – they were all quiet, comfortable, and middle-class…

Not a parody: Canada’s Wonderland. If I was someone who bought The National Review I would totally get the joke. But I’m not, so I don’t.

A cheap holiday in someone else’s misery: Hunger striker “Homeless Dave” brings Downtown Eastside demands to Vancouver City Hall. I hate to be cynical (even though it’s sort of my mandate), but what if Homeless Dave was given a home? Would he be all like, “Oh snap! See ya guys! I gotta move my stuff into this sweet new converted hotel that may or may not have bedbugs”, or would he be more like “Thanks, but I’m gonna keep calling myself Homeless Dave”?

A cheap nightmare in someone else’s holiday: Granville: regular street by day, low-rent Mardi Gras by night accompanied by police, ambulances, clean-up crews. Is this is good idea?. If you think the above two links are not related I’ll see your stupor and raise you a Balmoral, Savoy, Pantages, Blinding Light, Smiling Buddha, Niagara, Pig and Whistle, Brickyard, Town Pump, Columbia, and The Pic.

A microcosm: Vancouver airport ‘one of the unhappiest places on Earth’. Yup, welcoming people to the Best Place on Earth while trying to survive in the Most Expensive Place on Earth must get a wee tiresome.

Vancouver second-most traffic-congested city in N. America. And let’s keep it that way, thank you. Also, buy way more buses now.

Hot and Cold: British Columbia’s Carbon Tax Freeze “Not Cool” Says ForestEthics Advocacy. Keep in mind that this is the same government that unfroze tuition fees and froze minimum wage. So what do we do? Freeze the Liberals and unfreeze the NDP or what?

Shine a light: Sunshine Listing the Fraser Institute. Wow, please keep coming up with amazing, poetic headlines like that. Thanks.

Beatroute on Yuxweleptun: The Unspoken Conversation.

Bonus: Meet John.

TEA & TWO SLICES: On Luongo’s Contract And How To Make That Much Money In BC

by Sean Orr | In the wake of today’s NHL Trade Deadline, which came and went with Luongo not being moved, the tweet of the day has to go to Pass it to Bulis:

I’ll gladly take Luongo’s contract if he doesn’t want it.

— Pass it to Bulis (@passittobulis) April 3, 2013

TransLink head Ian Jarvis tops salary rankings for local government employees. Or, how to make as much money as Luongo: take hold of a quasi-government corporation like ICBC, BC Ferries or Translink; run it into the ground; cash-in.

The Russians Muslims Asians are coming! Whites to become minority in Metro Vancouver by 2031. Or, when racist jokes replace thoughtful commentary:

Question: What river separates China and India?

Answer: the Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey).

Really? That’s just so cringeworthy.

Not to mention: Vancouver’s old Chinatown Still Here – As the city’s neighbourhood ‘revitalizes,’ its Chinese-speaking seniors struggle for resources. No, really — do not mention it.

Not helping: Violent protesters go off-menu. Wherein poor old Macleans enters the “Gentrification War” by inventing/editorializing it. I mean, destruction of property is pretty desperate, as is stealing a sign, but there’s no need to go and call it a war. Old coots.

Stephen Hume: Fraser Institute’s tax-exempt status makes mockery of its recent report. Keynes for the rich and Friedman for the poor.

New Dems Poised to Inherit a BC Shaped by Neoliberalism. Question is, what will they do to restore the social safety net?

Reason for walk makes Corporate Canada uncomfortable. Psst! I hear the Catholic Church has a bunch of money…

Speaking of money: The Trouble with FACTOR.

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