SMOKE BREAK #970: Wasted Chip Thieves In Saanich Get Their 3 Minutes Of TV Fame

Our friends over at CTV show us how to turn a slow news day on Vancouver Island into pure gold: “In this quiet Saanich neighbourhood, people like their chips…” Take a bow, Joe Perkins. You’ll go far, bro.

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Smoke Break #939: Epic Ontario Beard Drunk Belts Queen In The Back Of An OPP Cruiser

This video has been making the rounds aplenty today. We’re uncertain of the circumstances that led this Canadian to the back of this OPP squad car in the middle of the night, but we doubt that “Mama” was driving and that he “just killed a man.” Still, we totally feel for the fella. 3:40am never sounded so gnarly!

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“You Touch Me With That Bubble And You’re Going Into Custody”

I can’t decide if this vignette from the G20 protests in Toronto is a travesty or a tragedy. Either way, I’ve confiscated all bubble paraphernalia from my kids lest they assault anyone. Thanks for the tip, dick.