Ah, So This Is What It Feels Like To Be Scared Of Alexandra Gill
September 7, 2010 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Andrew Morrison, Downtown, Gluttony
I was on the Urban Rush television show again today and hosts Michael Eckford and Fiona Forbes were ribbing me about working two nights a week as an expediter at Gastown’s L’Abattoir (if you didn’t already know, I’m there researching for a Vancouver magazine story on restaurant service that is due this Spring – please be sure to say ‘hi’ if you come in). Anyway, I didn’t take offense. They were just kidding around.
Still, having invested a bucket of my own sweat in the place since opening night nearly two months ago, I’ve grown quite proud of the restaurant, especially the people who work there. So when I heard that both my colleagues at the Globe & Mail and the Vancouver Sun had come in for reviews while I was off traveling, indulging in my real job (the same as theirs), I couldn’t help but feel nervous. What if it’s bad? What if it’s fucking terrible? Oh my God, I thought. We’re going to get anally raped and crucified.
Since many of you aren’t restaurant wonks (please don’t change), let me tell you about Alexandra Gill, Vancouver’s food critic for the Globe & Mail. Of the five or six paid restaurant reviewers in town, she is by far the most feared. I’d put the number of people in the local trade who like her column at about 17 out of 40,000, and I’d wager that 10 of those are either drug addicts, liars or probably both. But they all read her.
She might pen a dud every few months (most weekly critics do), but damn it if there isn’t always an entertaining flick of the knife, a slash that leaves a mark. When she really sinks her teeth into a restaurant’s jugular, it’s the ultimate schadenfreude sundae. Even when I love the restaurant that is being torched, it’s as mesmerising as watching a cheetah take down a Thompson gazelle in slow motion. First comes the run and then the turn. Once you see the claw hitting the ankle and restaurant’s center of gravity falter, it’s all blood and dust from there. I imagine she’s exhausted after writing her best. Panting. Too spent to eat. And at the end of every read I don’t know whether to burn the paper or keep it in order to study how she does it.
While she doesn’t have the power to break a restaurant, she sure can make the people who work in them angry. She’s even made me angry at times, but only when I think she’s gone too far. For a few years – when I had a hotter head – I wasn’t all that kind to her. Why? Because – gasp – she spoke her mind, kept her own counsel and could give a damn about what anyone thought of her. I’ve written wholly reactionary words about her over the last five years, none of them nice. To be honest, I’m quite sure that some of them were downright awful.
So when Paul Grunberg, L’Abattoir’s owner, told me that she was writing the review, my sphincter involuntarily tightened. I felt the fear, the very same that most chefs and restaurateurs might feel whenever she calls to “follow up with a few questions”, only it was amplified, like ten-fold. I very quickly convinced myself that, despite the obvious merits of the restaurant (which she would ignore), she was going to take every backhanded thing I’d ever written about her and use this golden, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to slam it all back in my dumb, smug face. Yes, and with a big fuck you and a steaming turd on top. I was a liability to the restaurant, a walking time bomb. And she was holding the detonator. How could I have ever been so plum stupid to have set the hard-working people of L’Abattoir up for this? What a total asshole.
But she’s the pro and I’m the child, given to wild delusions fed by my sometimes Herculean sense of self-importance. Of course she loved it. She wrote almost the exact same review I would have done if I wasn’t polishing the restaurant’s glassware and trying not to get in anyone’s way. She probably had no idea I was working there. She could probably give a fuck, really.
Phew.
Mia Stainsby’s review comes out late tonight in Sun. Naturally, I’m convinced that it will be hand delivered by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, that it will be terrible, and that it’s somehow all my fault.
Food Media Omnibus #539: The Everybody Eat Cupcakes Edition
April 6, 2010 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Gluttony
Once again we present our weekly Food Media Omnibus, a collection of all our local food writer’s most recent works in print. Get clicking…
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The Georgia Strait dished its annual Golden Plate nods in this thick issue, with Angus An of Maenam getting his props on the cover. Quote of the century comes from Tyson Reimer, co-owner of Cobre and big cheese at Deacon’s Corner, on delivering pancakes (pancakes!) to Snoop Dogg’s hotel room:
“When we got in the elevator you could already smell the dope, and by the time we got to their floor it just reeked…the room looked like my basement in high school, it was so thick full of pot smoke….He [Snoop Dogg] had this big fucking canon joint in his hand, and he handed it to me. And I hadn’t smoked in like, 15 years, but it’s like if Keith Richards hands you a bottle, you take a pull—it doesn’t matter, it’s just something you have to do. So we took it and we stood there for a little bit looking a bit awkward and very, very white.”
There’s also a good article on the Chambar alumni by the one and only Tara Lee.
In the Westender, I recall some recent Cactus Club eats and make a short argument for the company’s 2011 invasion of the beach at English Bay. I also slurp pig testicles (so plump and juicy).
In the Vancouver Sun, Mia Stainsby reports that Vikram and Meeru are moving Vij’s to Cambie and opening a new concept in the original space. This quote gave me pause: “Yes, rumours that the much-celebrated Vij’s restaurant is moving are true.” If by “rumours” she refers to our reporting of this truth two weeks beforehand, we must have been unconvincing. Either that or she doesn’t read Scout. She does a better job, anyway. She’s more thorough and provides more info. In other news, Mia is apparently rumoured to have made a trip to the Four Seasons in Whistler to sample some infra-red cow fleiss, and supposedly dishes on the exits of West chef Warren Geraghty and Market chef David Foot. There were also some unconfirmed reports that she ate a couple of cupcakes. We could find no witnesses to corroborate her side of the story, so we ate cupcakes as well. Sadly, they proved nothing.
In Maclean’s, we learn that the Japanese fishing lobby sucks very, very hard, and probably slept with the most irregular of Tiger Woods’ mistresses.
In the Globe and Mail, Alexandra Gill reviews Corner Suite and uses the word Lilliputian to describe the soup (and now I love her more than ever).
Tim Pawsey drinks sustainably for The Province and weighs in on the future of blended BC wines in the North Shore News. Also in the NSN, Deana Lancaster drinks Hester Creek at La Regalade (and is momentarily lost for words).
Last but not least, Metro’s Anya Levykh reviews The Poor Italian, journeyman chef Gianni Picci’s new digs on East 1st.
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Food Media Omnibus #538: Oru In The Headlights & Pizza Hunting
March 23, 2010 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Andrew Morrison, Gluttony
Once again we present our weekly Food Media Omnibus, a collection of all our local food writer’s most recent works in print. Get clicking…
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The Vancouver Sun, CBC, Province, and CTV all report on Cactus Club winning the bid for the Parks Board restaurant space at English Bay.
In the Globe & Mail, Alexandra Gill reviews The Urban Tea Merchant on West Georgia and then Oru in the Pacific Rim.
In the Westender, I go on a search for great Neapolitan pizza (much harder than I thought).
In the Georgia Straight, Tara Lee writes about the growing family-style dining trend while Jurgen Gothe previews the Wine Festival.
In the North Shore News, Deana Lancaster goes on soup safari at Burgoo.
In the Vancouver Courier, Tim Pawsey investigates claims of Malbec being the new Shiraz.
In the Vancouver Sun, Anthony Gismondi gets ready to speed date wines at the Wine Festival while Mia Stainsby remembers 16 years of Dining Out For Life and reviews Oru (very positively).
Anya Levykh also dines at Oru in the new Fairmont Pacific Rim Hotel and loves it as well (mental note: go to Oru).
Food Media Omnibus #537: World Press Dogpile Our Restaurants
February 19, 2010 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Gluttony
From the Vancouver Sun: Team Canada carbo-loads at DB Bistro Moderne, with Sid the Kid scarfing two bowls of pasta and a glass or two of red (Macleans writes the same story); the opening of The Keefer gets noticed; Mia Stainsby serves up 25 must-do foodie observances and welcomes back Daniel Boulud;
From the Province: Earls gets bad press about autograts and price hikes. They aren’t alone. As we noted last week, it’s been pretty horrific at some places. I heard one Yaletown restaurateur had a bit of a defensive meltdown on the news when confronted about it. Anyone see that?
From the Straight: Pieta Wooley on our culinary icons changing with the times; Carolyn Ali loves Local Public Eatery in Kits.
From the Globe & Mail: Alexandra Gill nails a few price hikers/autogratters. My favourite part of the piece?
Is the short-term gain really worth the long-term pain these practices may incite? Greedy restaurateurs may want to consider this warning tweeted by Raul Pacheco (@hummingbird604): “2 those in food industry jacking up $ during Olympics. Others may forget I won’t & I have a popular blog,”
How awesome is that? Local restaurateurs better watch out for that Raul dude, whoever he is. His “popular blog” will break your fucking legs, bro. For real. Snap. Read more
Food Media Omnibus #536: Local And Foreign Gastro-Scribbles…
January 28, 2010 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Andrew Morrison, Gluttony
The lip-smackingly delicious "Chicken Lupo" at the very well-received (and reincarnated) Lupo in Yaletown
Sorry that we allowed this weekly feature to go to pasture in January. To make it up to you, we’ll try and start from where we left off with an extended omnibus mix of the month’s local food writing, with a few add-ons from global scribes at large. Enjoy. Read more
Food Media Omnibus #535: The Year’s 10 Best New Restaurants
December 21, 2009 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Gluttony
Once again we present our weekly Food Media Omnibus, a collection of all the local food writer’s most recent works in print. Enjoy…
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They’re loving the Cactus Club in Edmonton.
In the Georgia Straight, Carolyn Ali does takeout turkey and Jurgen Gothe recommends the best local reds of 2009.
Elephant & Castle will open in Whistler’s old Milestone’s location. Run for your lives.
With the Olympics on the immediate horizon, news outlets around the world have been making mention of Zagat’s well-timed launch of their new restaurant guide to Vancouver. Special congrats to local food writer Tim Pawsey, aka the Hired Belly, who (if I’m not mistaken) once again supplied the word meat on the page bone. It’’s just too bad ABC News can’t spell Araxi. Read more
Food Media Omnibus #534: On Ghosts, Whores, And Gangsters
December 10, 2009 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Gluttony
Scout (2009): two staff members expedite at one of the Irish Heather's Long Table Series' suppers in Gastown
Once again we present our weekly Food Media Omnibus, a collection of all the local food writer’s most recent works in print. Enjoy…
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In the Vancouver Sun, Joanne Sasvari reviews Fishworks on the North Shore and Shannon Kwantes enjoys South Surrey’s new “Tap”.
In the Westender, I check out Mis Trucos on the Davie strip.
In the Globe & Mail, Alexandra Gill returns to review Coal Harbour’s Irashai Grill.
In the Georgia Straight, Judith Lane points out some great lunch spots (I’m dying to test drive Cru for lunch).
In the Vancouver Courier, Tim Pawsey dishes on wine label art.
The West End’s infamous Maxine’s Hideaway is destined for the wrecking ball to make room for apartments. Sniff. It’s an interesting read – full of ghosts, whores, tunnels, gangsters, and sugar magnates.
The San Francisco Chronicle’s travel editor pays Vancouver a visit, dines at Stepho’s (WTF).
The National Post tries to steer young chefs into “casual fine dining” chains. Er…don’t.
In the North Shore News, Deana Lancaster sizes up C Food, the new cookbook from C Restaurant, and Mangia with Quattro, the new cookbook from Quattro. Read more
Food Media Omnibus #533: If Main St. Fire Opened Door For Earls…
November 19, 2009 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Gluttony
The morning after the Main St. fire that destroyed Slickety Jim's, Zocalo, Kishu Island Sushi, and Lugz.
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In the Westender, I take in the simple comforts scene at Timbre on Commercial Drive.
In the Georgia Straight, Tara Lee talks boozy sauces, Jurgen Gothe goes off on an entertaining wine-making philosophy safari; and Craig Takeuchi writes a para on Robson’s frenetic Donburi-ya.
In the Vancouver Courier, Tim Pawsey writes up Chambar’s new signature beer.
In the Globe and Mail, Alexandra Gill falls for Gastown’s new hotspot, Pourhouse.
In the North Shore News, Deana Lancaster reports on a Cornucopia lunch with Crave/Fraiche chef Wayne Martin.
In the Toronto Star, we learn that seal meat lands on the menu at Parliament Hill (psst…Liberation BC…go fetch).
In the Vancouver Sun, Denise Ryan tries to get the tears a-flowin’ over the fiery death of Slickety Jim’s with a line-up of old school brunch alternatives. It’s kind of hard when another Canwest story thinks the fire happened in a “strip mall”. They should be more careful. With such provocative language, they might attract an Earls. Read more
Food Media Omnibus #532: Eating Egg From Raymond Louie’s Face
November 5, 2009 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Gluttony
In the Westender, I review Gastown’s new Pourhouse.
In the Globe and Mail, Alexandra Gill reviews 8 1/2 (the old Soma location).
Tim Pawsey blasts City Council liquor by-law fumbling in the Courier.
Meanwhile in the Georgia Straight, the input of Annette O’Shea of the Yaletown Business Association on the liquor by-law debate totally baffles: Read more
Food Media Omnibus #531: Local Restaurants Ripped & Reviewed
October 26, 2009 by Scout Magazine
Filed under Gluttony
In the Westender this week, I review Au Petit Chavignol. If you’ve never been, go. I freakin’ loved it, and have been on a fondue jihad ever since…
In the Globe & Mail, Alexandra Gill returns to review Yaletown’s Charm Modern Thai (it ain’t all that pretty), while Chris Johns gets pretty darn clairvoyant in his Gold Medal Plates predictions.
In the North Shore News, Deana Lancaster reviews Persepolis.
In the Vancouver Sun, Mia Stainsby reviews The Buzz, a cafe inside Harrison Galleries on Homer, and highlights the work of the BC Chefs Association on the downtown east side. Read more
