(via NYT | photo Natalie Hayes) Recently, acclaimed wine writer Mark Oldman was leaving what sounded like an especially luxurious dinner at New York City’s Colicchio & Sons when he was written up by the police for carrying out an empty bottle of well aged Bordeaux as a souvenir.

Oldman tried in vain to explain that this was only sediment: “It’s what is left after you decant a mature bottle!” But the police issued him a court summons anyway.

Yikes. What follows then, is the awesome record of the court proceedings…

——————————

Court Officer: Mark Oldman, Docket ending 9818, open alcohol container.

Jed Philwin, the court-appointed lawyer: Move to dismiss, facially insufficient.

Judge: What was this? [referring to the bottle in question.]

Oldman: It was an empty bottle of 40-year-old Bordeaux I was taking as a souvenir. I’m a wine writer. The officer thought there was something in the bottle. He started writing up the ticket. I’m a well-known wine writer.

Judge: A well-known what?

Oldman: Wine writer. I was taking the bottle as a souvenir. It was a 40-year-old bottle. I have it downstairs. They wouldn’t let me bring it up.

Judge: Let me get this straight. Your job is to go around drinking wine all day?

Oldman: Yes, it is. And writing about it.

Judge: Before or after you drink it?

Oldman: A little of each.

Judge: What’s your record in one day of consuming wine?

Oldman: It’s quality, not quantity. It’s not about drinking as much as you can.

Judge: Have you ever seen Night Train Express?

Oldman: I love it. Does a body good.

Judge: Who pays you to drink wine? I know of a lot guys that would like that job.

Oldman: My publisher. They do a lot of books. [Oldman then offers the judge to look at one of his books. The bailiff brings it to him, and the judge pages through it approvingly.]

Judge: That’s a good picture of you.

Oldman: You can have it. [At this point, Oldman said, the court-assigned lawyer standing beside him warned  that such an offer could be construed as bribing the judge.]

Judge: No, thank you. So the publisher pays you to go around drinking wine?

Oldman: Absolutely, they do. They trust my judgment.

Judge: If you endorse a certain wine, what happens to that wine? Do people buy it?

Oldman: Exactly.

Judge: How did you get to be an expert in drinking wine? I’m looking for another career. I’m going to retire.

Oldman: Well, you know, practice makes perfect, and some people have a nose for it. I have a good size nose. You’ve got to smell and taste different things.

Judge: You’re not French?

Oldman: Thankfully not. I have books published in French, though, which is funny. An American publishing books in French is like –

Judge: If you are going to buy wine and stick it in a warehouse, what kind of wine would you buy?

Oldman: Special stuff, you mean? Like the kind that my bottle was, old Bordeaux. Only two percent of the world’s wine gets better with age. People think any wine improves, but only two percent does, so red Bordeaux is a good bet.

Judge: There’s your book back, for the record. And I’ll dismiss the case.

Oldman: Thank you, Judge.

(hat tip: reader SH)

L'Abattoir is located at 217 Carrall St in Vancouver's Gastown neighbourhood | 604-568-1701 | www.labattoir.ca

The GOODS from L’Abattoir

Vancouver, BC | Gastown’s L’Abattoir restaurant is looking for a competent food runner to work 3 to 5 shifts a week on a flexible schedule. The restaurant will prove to be a great training ground for those looking to move up in the trade. Minimum restaurant experience unnecessary, but desired. The lucky candidate will really only need to be intelligent with a great attitude, a driven sensibility, and a yen for learning from some of the best in town. Only the brave need apply to paul [at] labattoir [dot ca]. Learn more about the restaurant after the jump…

About L’Abattoir

L’Abattoir is located in the center of Gastown between historic Gaoler’s Mews and Blood Alley. The restaurant was built in the 19th century and is the site of Vancouver’s first jail. Originally buttressed to the city’s main butchery and meat packing district, the name L’Abattoir pays homage to the neighbourhood’s colourful past.

Set in a refurbished brick and beam building that combines classic French tile work with industrial fixtures, natural wood, and glass and steel finishes, the restaurant offers a bar and lounge setting, elevated dining room and plush, sun soaked atrium.

Chef Lee Cooper and General Manager Paul Grunberg are dedicated to highlighting the finer points of eating and drinking in L’Abattoir’s informed but informal setting. French-influenced West Coast fare is paired with Sommelier Jake Skakun’s eclectic wine program and Head Barman Shaun Layton’s innovative cocktail list to offer a truly unique dining experience.

All the kids are wearing them. In fact, this season Native Shoes have reached an unprecedented level of cool in the EVA-foam-injected slip-on shoe world: the Fall 2011 limited edition Jimmy boot was designed by Marc Jacobs! Beat that, Crocs! Local boy Damian Van Zyll De Jong founded the company in 2009 with the help of his friend Matthew Penner. As the PR says, “as the visionary behind the Native brand, Damian sparked a footwear revolution, and his unyielding passion continues to propel the brand forward.” Scout stole five minutes of Damian’s time to ask him a few questions and this is what we got:

When did you know Native was really going to happen? When I started doing it.

Some folks describe Natives as Crocs for cool people. What do you think about that? Everything is everything.

Most mind-blowingly satisfying celebrity/Native pairing? Obama’s daughter.

When you see someone in your neighbourhood wearing your footwear, what goes through your mind?Amazing!

What is it about West Vancouver that makes you want to live there: The Mountains for sure.

Architectural style that you most identify with: Fave architect is Ai Weiwei.

Three words that describe the vibe of your current living space: Open, organic and free!

What inspires you? People who do things well.

Describe your favourite photograph: It’s a Tim Barber photo of a friend of mine standing on a diving board over the edge of a cliff.

Default drink: Carrot, Ginger, Apple.

When you can’t sleep: I text my employees.

Favourite place to see live music: A backyard.

Cheap place for dinner: The Fridge.

Book you’re reading: I only listen. Audio books.

What is beauty? Just look around you.

Best sneaker in the world? Native Shoes.

Best bar stool in the city: I don’t go to the bar.

Dumbest purchase ever: Minibike.

Favourite way to get your hands dirty? Work hard.

Talent you wish you possessed: sppellin.

The trend you wish you never followed, but did: Tight T-shirts.

Musical instrument you long to master: The flute.

Three things of no monetary value that you will keep until you die: My mind, body and soul.

Best concert experience ever: Paul Weller.

Animal you most identify with: Eagle.

Favourite Vancouver park: Strathcona.

All time favourite movie: ET.

Why should we as Vancouverites buy Native? Why not?

Sexiest item of clothing for a woman: A dress.

And for a man? A dress.

What are you listening to as you answer these questions? A taste of honey boogie oogie.

What Native Shoes are you most excited about for the Fall/Winter 2011 season? The Marc Jacobs for Native Jimmy boot.

Town you were born in: Vancouver, BC.

Thing you miss most about home when you’re on the road: My dog.

Two places you like to take out of town visitors in order to show off your city: Whistler, to the Scandanave Spa.

The first three things you do every morning: Open my eyes, stretch, shower.

Favourite book as a child: Mr Happy.

Album that first made you love music: Ice T, Power.

]]> http://scoutmagazine.ca/2011/09/13/five-minutes-with-damian-van-zyll-de-jong-vancouverite-and-creator-of-native-shoes/feed/ 1 http://scoutmagazine.ca/2010/10/26/tea-two-slices-on-soma-the-burrard-gateway-and-green-men/ http://scoutmagazine.ca/2010/10/26/tea-two-slices-on-soma-the-burrard-gateway-and-green-men/#comments Wed, 27 Oct 2010 05:34:39 +0000 Sean Orr http://scoutmagazine.ca/?p=25380

by Sean Orr | The Transition from Mount Pleasant to SoMa is almost complete: Massive project, 26-storey tower at Broadway/Kingsway. I blame Tim Hortons.

‘Burrard Gateway’ project proposed for area north of Drake. It would be better if it was an actual gateway so we could filter some of the riffraff that wander/cycle over that ill-forsaken bridge. Instead, it’s going to be a fancy Jimmy Pattison Toyota dealership with condos on top and an Urban Fare below, because obviously that is something we need.

Charge corporations that profit from conflict with war crimes, BC prof says. Whoa. That’s crazy! I mean, how else could we have built the Canada Line, duh? Just because SNC Lavalin makes bullets doesn’t make the Iraqis jump in front of them when they are fired by the US Army. There’s got to be at least some measure of personal responsibility.

Green Men make return tonight at Canucks game. OK…so often I make fun of the news for its frivolities, but for some reason I’m drawn to these guys as if ensnared in a modern, myth-making ritual. We are such a new city that it seems we have to embrace these micro-histories in lieu of the macros. Also, speaking of Green Men, I am really stoned. Perhaps I’m reading waaaay too much into this.

I can also deign to find this Vancity Buzz post humourous: Stop Masturbating in the Showers. Although I believe the story is quite old. Quite so, indeed.

Great Beginnings can sometimes have uncertain endings. I’m not exactly sure how – if Campbell stopped funding the project – this is somehow Gregor’s fault. I agree, however, that it’s pathetic how we as a city should have to resort to such corporate gimmickry.

Honorary Vancouverite of the Day: Gordon Pinsent. OK, now for Halloweeen I am for sure going as the kid who got punched in the face by Justin Bieber 

Slob Life Party IV. For Cereals will be there, serving your favourites as always. Sorry, I can’t find Count Chocula anywhere.

The Contemporary Art Gallery of Vancouver (555 Nelson Street) opens a new group exhibition called Following the A Line this Thursday night. While the website description of the show might make you want to put a sharp hammer claw through your eyeball (total didactic nightmare), check out the opening reception just the same. This is a good line-up. Pretty sure they have a bar set up.

Or there’s “FLAKEY: The Early Works of Glenn Lewis”. “This exhibition marks the first in-depth investigation of the early works of Vancouver artist Glenn Lewis [...] whose socially engaged spirit helped incite the cross disciplinary and interactive practices informing west coast art in the late 1960s and 1970s.” Should be a cool body of work, but I think it’s also worth mentioning that this is the only thing going down this week that also involves a kimchee cooking demonstration. I have no idea what the connection is…but I’m pretty sure the best way to find out will be to hit the Presentation House Gallery on Saturday, September 11th. Check it.

Hit the opening reception for the new Pierre Coupey show, “Between Memory and Perception”, this Saturday, September 11, 7pm at Gallery Jones (1725 West Third Avenue). Coupey’s abstract works are at once muted and active. I’m partial to “Postscript: Rendition”, a 50 x 38 oil and beeswax work on prepared paper (sucks that it’s already old). Not that it has a terrific amount to do on the artists work, but if you’re writing a thesis on Comparative Aesthetic Temperaments in the Early 21st Century, it’s interesting to note that he was also a founding editor of The Georgia Straight and The Capilano Review.

The Grace Gallery is opening a show of Jennifer Mawby’s new works this Thursday, September 9 at 7pm (1898 Main at 3rd. It’s called The Sun, The Moon and the Stars. Jennifer looks to have it going on, so don’t miss out on…short version: an installation on the obsessive themes of love, loss, and conquest (full scoop here).

An opening/reception/exhibition showcasing Emily Carr’s Design, Media + Visual Arts Faculty goes down this Thursday, September 9, at 5:30pm in the North Building’s Concourse Gallery. “The annual Faculty Exhibition once again opens in conjunction with the start of the academic semester. This show offers a glimpse at the diverse range of interests and creative investigation of Emily Carr’s distinguished faculty, comprised of 61 regular and approximately 100 contract (non-regular) faculty members. The Faculty Exhibition affords an opportunity for both students and the public to appreciate the diverse areas of professional development of these educators, whose personal research and practice informs their teaching.” Details.