Tea & Two Slices: Cracking The Journalist Hit List And HST Docs

by Sean Orr | B.C. government, Ottawa discussed HST prior to provincial election: Documents. Given the massive laundry list of bungles and corruption already assembled up to the day of the election, I hardly doubt that this would have had any effect on this province’s dysfunctional electorate. Even today, if you were to poll people, they would think the Liberals have done a better job with the economy than the NDP, not unlike how people in America think Obama is a Muslim.

NW reporters on supposed ‘hit list’ of 15 reporters unpopular with the city’s governing party. What surprises me is that it’s been edited down to only 15.

New Pattullo Bridge slated for 2015. Although totally inevitable (and badly needed), the suburbs get yet another crossing over the Fraser. Which is fine. I totally understand. It’s a ridiculous bridge, but please, for the love of God, can you please put the tab on the people who are going to be using it and not on the people huddling under your fancy new bus shelters that digitally tell them how late they are going to be?

Vancouver is going Rogue. More like going rouge, with embarrassment. The only thing more frightening than hearing this woman talk is that people are listening. I’m looking at you Abbotsford.

Meanwhile Fox News basically rewrites that Adbusters article on hipsters a few years back… I’m not sure if my rebuttal holds up to the Fox News version though. In fact, I think the Fox News version sort of speaks for itself. Read more

Tea & Two Slices: On The Murder City And Golden Endorsements

by Sean Orr | Murder City. I thought maybe finally the Courier had opted for the ‘blood and guts’ slant of their parent company…

In fact, Crime is down in Vancouver. That cannot be good for the Province. Better put some angry parents on the cover.

One final award for 2010 Olympics. Bucky Gunts wins an Emmy. I’m pretty sure they pre-recorded this one just so they wouldn’t have to announce that name live. But seriously, congratulations Vancouver, you deserve an Emmy. I just thought we’d get it for best actor.

The Olympic-sized myth of golden endorsements. I thought our athletes participate for their love of country, not endorsements. How naive I must have been.

Seniors like news showing young people in bad light. Well that explains the entire editorial slant of the Vancouver Sun. (Hey ed. can I get like an interactive midi rimshot that people can click on after reading each one of these?)

John McLachlan: What I really think of the B.C. Spirit Festival idea. YES.

Smoke Break #741: Visualising The Number Of Threats To Earth

Gulp. This new and exquisitely unnerving animation is a view of the solar system showing the locations of all the asteroids and Near Earth Objects “discovered” over the last thirty years.

As asteroids are discovered they are added to the map and highlighted white so you can pick out the new ones. The final colour of an asteroid indicates how closely it comes to the inner solar system. Earth Crossers are red. Earth Approachers (perihelion less than 1.3AU) are yellow. All others are green

Notice how the pattern of discovery follows the Earth around its orbit, most discoveries are made in the region directly opposite the Sun. You’ll also notice some clusters of discoveries on the line between Earth and Jupiter. These are the result of surveys looking for Jovian moons. Similar clusters of discoveries can be tied to the other outer planets, but those are not visible in this video.

As the video moves into the mid 1990’s we see much higher discovery rates as automated sky scanning systems come online. Most of the surveys are imaging the sky directly opposite the sun and you’ll see a region of high discovery rates aligned in this manner.

At the beginning of 2010 a new discovery pattern becomes evident, with discovery zones in a line perpendicular to the Sun-Earth vector. These new observations are the result of the WISE (Widefield Infrared Survey Explorer) which is a space mission that’s tasked with imaging the entire sky in infrared wavelengths.

Currently we have observed over half a million minor planets, and the discovery rates snow no sign that we’re running out of undiscovered objects.

But not to worry, darlings. Jupiter has all our backs.

Tea & Two Slices: On Drunk Cows And Homeless Removal Systems

by Sean Orr | Homeless man accidentally trapped in garbage truck. I know the city is desperate to get the homeless off the streets but this is not the way to go about things…

Alleged terrorist was on Canadian Idol. Apparently, he bombed.

Use of opiate doda spreading in B.C. I’d condemn this, but you know…”don’t knock it until you’ve tried it” and all that.

Proposed Vancouver bike lane will have catastrophic effects, businesses say. Yeah, I mean look at Dunsmuir or Burrard. They’re total wastelands now, because people on bikes can’t also be customers.

I’m sure Andrew can go into more detail on this, but Wine-sipping cattle start B.C. culinary trend. Call me naive, but something tells me you don’t want to have a bunch of drunk cows wandering around.

City Hall faces series of citywide political flare-ups. Are you sure you’re not the one fanning the flames, Mike?

Tea & Two Slices: On Darth Vader And Hotels For Homeless

MTV’s new “reality” show ‘The Youth Electric’ is a must-watch for anyone who lives in Vancouver. “It’s such an unspeakably awful and cringe-inducing piece of advertainment that it could very well be passed off as clever satire. But as far as I can tell it’s definitely not taking the piss and is meant to be taken seriously”.

This is the sort of thing that Vancity Buzz thinks is culture. These people are ruining Vancouver in the same way they ruined rooftop privileges at “The Woodward Building” (sic) when they filmed this tripe there and, lo and behold, some douche throws a bunch of stuff off the roof. Barcelona Club? Where the fuck is that? Also, apparently the Party Bazaar on Second Ave is the DTES. If that doesn’t sum things up for you, then you’re probably one of them. “I’m a ditzy girl, like totally”.

Study tries new approach to homeless. By tossing them all in a hotel? Isn’t that sort of exactly the same approach we have currently?

Northern weather proves too much for Harper tour. Awww, poor Darth Vader couldn’t handle the weather on Hoth. What a pussy.

Meanwhile, Many would pay $1K for extra week of summer, but they’d probably just spend the entire time in traffic trying to escape the city.

Me? Well, I’m Married to the Sun.

Tea & Two Slices: On High Priced Housing And Failing BC Parks

by Sean Orr | There are two million reasons for high prices in Vancouver. Apparently it all comes down to geography, but that still doesn’t explain why we failed to implement any kind of housing strategy, like a Housing Trust. I guess it’s easier to blame it on the mountains, as though they just popped up out of nowhere.

Woman who spent one night in Vancouver Police cell dies. Probably because the cell is no bigger than the cages at the SPCA. Hey, there’s an idea! Why not combine the two? That way the pets have some company and who knows, maybe someone wants to adopt a prisoner…

Economist Calculates BC Hydro on Path to Ruin. OK, is there anyone out there who still thinks privatization is a good idea? Don’t be shy, speak up.

Auditor-general report slams Victoria’s failings over parks conservation. And here I was thinking the whole idea of a park was to set aside land for…you know, conservation. How can you fuck that up? Read more

Seen In Vancouver #249: Taking Public Transit To Love Your City

Looking back on the city today while en route to the North Shore I was momentarily flummoxed by the thought that the further you go from it the prettier it gets (shot on my phone with the Roboto Glitter lens and Float film).

Tea & Two Slices: On Poli-Speak And The Reality Of Road Racism

by Sean Orr | Don’t Ban Offshore Drilling in the arctic because there is absolutely no risk because “There is nothing happening in the Arctic, so, there is no danger of a blowout because there is no drilling going on there at the present time.” Also there is probably also no need to ban cod fishing in Newfoundland because there is none. Can I get a post hoc ergo propter hoc?

Road racism on the rise in Metro Vancouver. FYI, if you only hate Chinese people when you are driving, you actually hate Chinese people all the time.

Premier vows to consider Pickton inquiry. Well, isn’t that some of the sweetest poli-speak you ever heard? ‘I promise to do everything in my power…to think about it’.

Meanwhile, Vancouver privacy advocate “thinks there’s a crime involved” at Opus Hotel wherein they beam security images of the bar onto a TV screen above the men’s urinals. As with all CBC stories of this nature however, the comment section alone provides hours of entertainment. For example, “Any male will tell you that the washroom is a very business oriented place with little room for odd behavior”.

Thornton Park squatters anger nearby resident. “Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed”.  Herman Melville

Babe Rainbow remixes You Say Party! on Gorilla vs Bear.

Tea & Two Slices: Translink Free Rides And Bob Rennie is Amazing

by Sean Orr | Documents reveal $1 million in free TransLink passes handed out to employees, families. OK, maybe I’m just jaded but I sort of assumed most, if not all, of these pseudo-public corporate agencies operated entirely vis a vis nepotism. I mean, the board of Translink is made up of appointed real estate moguls and diamond mine CEOS. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?

And they have the nerve to tell us we can’t go topless on transit. This is outrageous. Next they are going to say we can’t eat and drink on there or have huge ghetto blasters…

Drive to build rental units sours in dense Vancouver. Yeah, we don’t really want that kind of riff-raff to mix with potential condo owners. Look at what happened to the West End…

And speaking of condos, Once merely condo royalty, Bob Rennie emerges as Vancouver’s cool king of modern art. Oh yes, let’s all have a big wank about how great Bob Rennie is. He saved the Wing Sang building! It’s a good thing “Evertything is Going to be Alright”! He’ll save us!

Beyond Granville. I like how they throw a sex shop in there despite the fact they closed down all the others. Now it’s merely a shiny lifestyle ad.

Adventures In Solitude by Grant Lawrence.

Tea & Two Slices: On Doctor Province And Water Commuting

by Sean Orr | Olympic Village social housing units still empty. Empty like promises. Clearly, the only way to make things better is to turn the luge track into a giant waterslide. Man it’s hot.

Why not commute by water in Metro Vancouver? Because people would be constantly trying to emulate the SNL Digital Short “I’m on a Boat“. Plus it’s not very environmentally friendly.

Doctors offer wrong prescription for MMA. Yeah, because The Province knows better than doctors. Have you seen their sports section? It is awesome.

Baudelaire and Vancouver. Holy shit! For second there I though this was a link to a Beyond Robson article about Vancouver and Baudelaire…

Honour Hogan’s Alley by listening to residents. What a concept.

True Lies by Oppenheimer Park regulars. Wow.

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