TEA & TWO SLICES | On Bringing Out The Gimp For Ghomeshi & Galiano Island Brawls

October 29, 2014 

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by Sean Orr | To the surprise of no one, Harper Named World’s ‘Worst Climate Villain’ After Damning Report. He’s also been named the World’s Worst Regular Villain, too.

To wit: Bill C-60: Tories Quietly Taking Control Of CBC, Group Alleges. It’s like he wants to “hate fuck” the CBC more desperately than Jian Ghomeshi does.

Related: The real reasons Jian Ghomeshi is suing the CBC. Featuring my new favourite word: opprobrium.

Meanwhile, Canadian humour magazine not even gonna touch this one, no thanks. Not even with a ten foot, um…pole?

Woman stabbed in Vancouver sex assault recovering in hospital. The story comes with a map of reported sex assaults, so nothing about the usual abuse of sex workers on the DTES, because they’re notoriously hard to pin down on a Google map. “He says it appears to police the woman was targeted because the attacker believed she was a sex trade worker”. Because then it would have totally been understandable? And of course, the usual mantra is repeated: “Women be careful out there”. It should be this: “Men stop raping women or we will fucking hunt you down and hurt you.”

Related: Hey Baby: Woman walks around NYC for 10 hours, is harassed 100 times, the supercut.

Meanwhile, in Toronto: Chow slams Toronto Sun cartoon as “racist” and “sexist”. And Doug Ford losing is like “Isis coming to Toronto

The only time you’ll feel proud to get punched in the face: Omar Albach Video ‘Canadians React To Ottawa Shooting’ Ends With Punch In Face. Violence is never okay except when it totally is.

The take-away: Ottawa attack reveals gaping holes in social safety net. “How would a beefed-up national spying apparatus have helped here? Or address the problem of alienated, emotionally incendiary and often addicted Canadians?”

Bad smell shuts down Vancouver’s Cambie Street. Are you sure it wasn’t Granville? (The lowest of low hanging fruit.)

Local band Ken Jennings gets tweeted by the real Ken Jennings:

Meanwhile, on Galiano Island, this is the most exciting thing that has ever happened: Galiano Island pub fight sparks four-hour standoff.

Cue David Cross on Redneck fights.

Vancouverite on the front lines of the fight against Ebola. Attaboy, Kenzie! I’m honoured to have been served a drink by this man, though I had no idea he was part of Zach Galifianakis’ Doctors Without Diplomas. *wink

Best new Twitter: Gastown’s Bill’s Confectionary.

Best Halloween costume: Social Media Professional.

Bonus: A haunting on Cordova Street.

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Rough Trade & The “Donnelly Group” Not Being So Bad After All

October 27, 2014 

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by Sean Orr | A chance, perhaps, to gloat: Ottawa attack highlights differences in Canadian-American media coverage. It’s pretty depressing how we get super excited whenever the media does its job properly. “There was a deplorable lack of political opportunism, and a dreadful dearth of doomsaying”.

Counterpoint: Never let the facts get in the way of a good Cronkite moment:

History. Context. Perspective. Understanding. Skepticism. Thoughtfulness. Canada’s so-called media and political “elites” abandoned them all. In their stead, we got a week-long diet of chest-thumping patriotic clichés, cheap, meaningless hyperbole and tropes that, taken together, have already manufactured widespread consent for what will surely be another assault on our rights and freedoms engineered by a cynical Conservative government.

Without further ado: MPs Pass Anti-Terror Bill. Including such fun provisions as the Philip K. Dick-sounding “preventive detention” and “investigative hearing” in which someone suspected of having knowledge of a terrorist act can be forced to answer questions. But not to worry, I pressed “Apple + F” to search the bill and found no mention of the word torture…

Mad LoVe quotes Padme Amidala, “So this is how liberty dies…to thunderous applause”: Young cadet continues to stand guard for Nathan Cirillo at Port Coquitlam cenotaph.

Meanwhile, Peter de Groot’s sister says, ‘He was executed’. Yeah, but it was to protect us, so never mind.

Moxy Frivolous: Fifty shades of Ghomeshi. Maybe he forgot that the D in BDSM stands for discipline. Maybe the lyrics to that Moxy Fruvous song should be “Once I was, the King of pain, Now I eat, humble pie”. Meanwhile, HuffPo reminds us that Liking ‘Q’ Isn’t a Good Enough Reason to Side With Jian while a ‘sex geek‘ wonders if the “don’t hate me for being kinky” defence will be used by people who perpetrate non-consensual violence.

Related: What goes on inside 8×6 isn’t the city’s business, licencing officials say.

Meanwhile in Whistler: Dumb, drunk and Dangerous: Idiots throw sleeping friend from 2nd story balcony.

Related: On the Twilight of the West.

Oh, and just in case you needed a reminder to not take a drug used in date rapes: Three people hospitalized in North Vancouver after taking GHB.

Via the Westender (with a straight face): Maybe the Donnelly Group isn’t so bad, after all. Money quote:

“…the look and feel of their pubs has always been an attempt to reflect the neighburhoods [sic] and clientele they’re serving…”

Hmm, even though it looks super realistic, Mordor isn’t a real neighbourhood.

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Stampeding Idiots And The Terror Of Our Addiction To Hysteria

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by Sean Orr | A different kind of blowback: Ottawa shooter lived in Vancouver’s DTES. Let’s talk terror. Not the terror of Islamic fundamentalism, but the terror of mental health that surrounds us everyday. Not politically motivated terror, but the terror of addiction…

I wonder what would happen if we spent the same amount of money that we’re going to spend fighting ISIS (and their terrible beheadings while ignoring Saudi Arabia’s equally terrible beheadings) on addiction and mental health issues instead?

And instead of a measured response, we see drummed up hysteria. Attempts are made to tie the shooter to ISIS (he read their Twitter feed!), while Justin Bourque (a white guy who had conservative and conspiratorial anti-state world views) murdered three Mounties and the word “terror” is conveniently absent from the coverage. More collective amnesia. More police state rhetoric.

As Crawford Kilian writes: “We need to spend more attention on our own social and psychological state [...]  to ditch our democratic values and institutions would be to hand victory to the thugs…”

Oh wait. It’s too late: Conservatives mulling legislation making it illegal to condone terrorist acts online. Of course, nobody should condone a terror attack, but what if you question if it’s actually an act of terror, as I have just done? Also, does this mean every addict with mental health issues is a potential terrorist?

Meanwhile, what about the terror perpetrated against our aboriginal women? Fontaine and Gross: Two missing teens garnered two different responses. That’s not terror. That’s just isolated cases. A total fluke. No need to take any sort of collective action: Canada Is The Only UN Member To Reject Landmark Indigenous Rights Document. Protect Canadians! Just not the ones who were here first.

We need to protect our sacred institutions, like the RCMP: RCMP Cpl. Ron Francis, who smoked marijuana on job, found dead.

I’m not sure how to segue out of all this so… Watch a stampede of idiots endlessly run straight into a spinning metal thing.

Just in case you were wondering where our media stands in regards to resource extraction: New video series on resources debate launches. Yup, the husband of one of Christy Clark’s closest friends and advisors.

Meanwhile, one of the candidates hoping to join Green Party Councillor Adriane Carr on City Council has an investment portfolio heavy on industrial and mining stocks: Mayor moved, Greens energetic?

But that’s nothing. Just read through mayoral candidates’ statements. Particularly the first guy:

I’ve lived a good life in Canada and refuse to watch Asian immigrants buy our lives well raise property taxes on Chinese 5% our stop party mayor and van east PM is to blow up ISIS and take our country now prefer email and texts were running for families who pay most taxes n stay here mayor meynard & stop mayor meynard

Bonus: This is what rejection looks like.

DIG IT | A Last Look At UBC’s 60 Year Old “Empire Pool” Before Its Total Destruction

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by Stevie Wilson | Though it doesn’t quite fit into the traditional concept of what a “heritage” structure should look like, UBC’s Empire Pool has been a fixture of the campus landscape for 60 years. The 50-meter long outdoor pool was built for the British Empire & Commonwealth Games in 1954, and has since hosted numerous men’s and women’s swimming and diving events that have drawn large crowds from across the city. Architects Sharp & Thompson, Berwick, Pratt (including Frederic Lasserre and F.W. Urry) not only designed the pool but also the adjacent War Memorial Gymnasium, which opened in 1951. The firm had previously been selected as the official University architects by an international competition in 1912.

Sadly, the 60th anniversary of the Games also marked the end for Empire Pool. Though popular with students, athletes, and the general public, the facility was permanently closed early this year due to a filtration/mechanical failure. All is not lost, however, as the historical record is loaded (particularly with photos), and a brand-new $38.5-million Aquatic Centre is poised to replace both the outdoor lanes and the adjacent 1978 indoor centre by 2016.

MORE VANCOUVER HISTORY

SCOUT LIST | Ten Things That You Should Absolutely Do Between Now And Next Week

October 21, 2014 

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by Michelle Sproule | The main objective of this website is to scout out and promote the things that make Vancouver such a sweet place to be. We do this with an emphasis on the city’s independent spirit to foster a sense of connectedness within and between our communities, and to introduce our readers to the people who grow and cook our food, play the raddest tunes in our better venues, create our most interesting art, and design everything from what we wear to the spaces we inhabit. The Scout List is our carefully considered, first rate agenda of super awesome things that we’re either doing, wishing that we could do, or conspiring to do this week. You can also check it out in the Globe & Mail, from our calendar to theirs…and yours!

LECTURE | Head to the Museum of Vancouver this Thursday for a Built City lecture with landscape architect Cornelia Hahn Oberlander. Her style of low tech, sustainable landscaping that integrates with the architecture and reflects the natural surroundings can be seen locally in projects such as the Museum of Anthropology and Robson Square where she collaborated with architect Arthur Erickson. Oberlander will be joined by a panel of experts and peers for an illustrated discussion of her work and the future of design.
Thu, Oct 23 | 7-9 pm | Museum of Vancouver (1100 Chestnut) | $14 | DETAILS

HOT TALK | Vancouver-based author and designer Leanne Prain will be at Hot Art Wet City Gallery on Thursday night. She will give a quick 30 minute talk that investigates ways that textiles tell us about ourselves and the lives of those around us. Having recently published her third book on textile art and culture (Strange Material: Storytelling Through Textiles), Prain is amply qualified to speak on the topic so we’re sure she’ll have some interesting things to say in the Q&A period immediately following. PS – Brassneck Brewery is only steps away for that pre or post event beer! 
Thu, Oct 23 | 7-8 pm | Hot Art Wet City Gallery (2206 Main St) | Free | DETAILS

TASTE | Imagine how awesome it would be if you were drinking chocolate milk at the very moment that Augustus Gloop fell in the chocolate river in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or had home-cooked spaghetti sauce on your tongue while watching The Godfather. Enhancing a movie experience with scene-specific tastes is what Sensory Cinema is all about. This Friday night, the gang at the Juice Truck team up with Here There Studio for an evening of just that. Film title and details of food pairings are being kept under wraps for now, but we’re told that an usher will cue each selection from your very own tray of house made canapés. How cool is that?
Fri, Oct. 24 | 7pm | The Juice Truck (28 W 5th Ave) | $18 | DETAILS

THROWBACK | Get your fix of fast cars and slick 70′s style with the Two-Lane Blacktops: The 1970s American Road Movie series at The Cinematheque this week. Highlights include Clint Eastwood in The Gauntlet, Jack Nicholson in The Passenger, and David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone in the forever creepy Death Race 2000.
Oct 23-26 | Various times | Cinematheque (1131 Howe St) | $11 | DETAILS

CRAFT NIGHT | Part store, part workshop, Collage Collage encourages imagination and creativity while arming their customers with tools and inspiration to turn both in to art. You’ll most often find the bright, book-filled room full of curious children. This week, however, you’ll find author, art enthusiast and creativity guru Danielle Krysa (The Jealous Curator) guest hosting a special adult evening that will involve glue sticks and collage making.
Fri, Oct 24 | 7-9pm | Collage Collage (621 Kingsway @ 15th + Fraser) | $30 | DETAILS

WRITERS FEST | The excellent Vancouver Writers Festival fills its stages with local and international writers of every genre each autumn. This year, the theme is Discovery. Discover new authors, new books by known authors, new genres and new interests, and expect everything from literary fiction and poetry readings to kid’s authors and non-fiction panels. Literature enthusiasts are a wily bunch and tickets have a way of selling out, but if you move fast you can still score a seat!
Oct. 21-26 | various times | Various locations – mostly Granville Island |  DETAILS

ARCHITECTURE | With a view to demonstrating laneway housing as a clever solution to “Densification without Demolition”, the Vancouver Heritage Foundation has arranged for a series of homes to be opened to the public for their annual Laneway Home Tour. Take a peek inside 8 unique houses and be inspired by designs and innovations that show how increased density can be smart, stylish and comfortable while making good use of underused land on existing lots.
Sat, Oct. 25 | 1pm | Various Locations | $30 | DETAILS

GATHER | Make room on your schedule and head to Mountain View Cemetery on Saturday to celebrate All Souls Night. This unique community event brings together a series of thoughtful and culturally diverse activities designed to give participants the opportunity to remember the dead in – as Mountain View calls it – a “gentle atmosphere of contemplative beauty”. Candles and lanterns will light the cemetery and there will be music and hot tea for sipping. Take time to create a personal memorial or take a historian or genealogist-guided walking tour to learn about some of the plot inhabitants. While there will be corners for serious conversations about death and dying, there will also be light-hearted and fun activities. I’m personally stoked for the screening of Harold & Maude and the decorating of Mexican sugar skulls!
Sat, Oct. 25 | 6 – 10pm | Mountain View Cemetery (5455 Fraser St) | DETAILS

HARVEST | This weekend is the last market of the 2014 farming season out at the UBC Farm, so be sure to stock up on veggies, crispy apples, free-range eggs and beautiful flowers. Most importantly, grab yourself one of those stunning Cinderella pumpkins to carve up in time for Halloween. Dusty orange, light green, even white – the best pumpkins!
Sat, October 25 | 9am – 1pm | UBC Farm (3461 Ross Dr) | DETAILS

SHROOMS | Are you fascinated by mushrooms and fungi? Have you seen wonky specimens popping out from local lawns and sprouting up in forests and trails around town and wondered what they were? The Vancouver Mushroom Show goes down this Sunday and with it comes the rare opportunity to hook up with experts from the The Vancouver Mycological Society. Ask ‘em all manner of mushroom-related questions and basically nerd out about fungi. There will be oodles of shrooms on display – edible, poisonous, dubious and deadly. How could you not come out ahead of the game by learning a little more about these tasty, tricky, trippy little things?
Sun, Oct. 26 | 11am-4pm | Van Dusen Botanical Garden (37th & Oak) | $3 | DETAILS

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late-may-2009-169Michelle Sproule grew up in Kitsilano and attended University in Australia and the University of Victoria before receiving her graduate degree in Library Sciences from The University of Toronto. She lives in beautiful Strathcona and enjoys wandering aimlessly through the city’s streets with her best friend – a beat up, sticky, grimy (but faithful) camera.

FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE BRIEF #438 | On The Matter Of Sex In East & West Germany

October 21, 2014 

(via) Do Communists Have Better Sex? is a fascinating 2006 documentary that looked at who was more sexually liberated, the seemingly repressed East Germans or the “free” West Germans.

The documentary proposes that, for all its deficiencies, the German Democratic Republic actually put forth a remarkably progressive set of policies related to such things as birth control, divorce, abortion, and sex education — a precedent to which some non-communist countries still haven’t caught up. However forward-thinking you might find all this, it did have trouble meshing with other communist policies: the state’s rule of only issuing housing to families, for instance, meant that women would get pregnant by about age twenty in any case. We must admit that, ultimately, citizens of the showcase East Germany had a better time of it than did the citizens of Soviet Socialist Republics farther east. And if the Ossies had a better Cold War between the sheets than did the Wessies, well, maybe they just did it to escape their country’s pervasive atmosphere of “unerotic dreariness.”

MORE FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE

TEA & TWO SLICES | On NIMBYs Whining, Rezoning Shaughnessy, And Cleaning Birds

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by Sean Orr | Our puritanical past future? Candidate for Burnaby mayor promises to ban kissing, holding hands in public. “Perhaps I don’t know what I’m talking about, but once I’m getting in I have to figure it out…” Sounds like she’s already a seasoned politician! Best comment: “Our Grandfathers fought for us to have this freedom…” Yes, our grandfathers fought the Nazis so we could hold hands. That was pretty much it.

Oh, and they also fought so our children could wear sexy Halloween costumes: ‘Sexy’ Halloween kids costumes at Value Village anger mom. Almost as disturbing are the weird, free market mantras littering the story’s comment section, a la ”if parents didn’t buy these costumes they wouldn’t exist”.

Only 3% of Vancouver residents think they have reasonable rents or mortgages. We love Vancouver and are willing to pay through the nose to live here…er…we just don’t want to pay through the nose to live here…

Related: B.C. builds lots of housing. But you can’t afford any of it. “But how about rezoning Shaughnessy, where the average density is one-third that of Grandview-Woodlands?” Because Shaughnessy, that’s why.

I just worry that our Most City status will be affected: Vancouver ranked the most city in the world.

Never forget! This was actually the lede in one of our major daily newspapers: Heads up, guys: Those trendy man buns can cause the loss of your precious hair. Speaking of heads, that is the exact location I would prefer to be shot after reading that.

Related: Angry Yoga. “And discover the present moment, and don’t think about this town…”

And definitely don’t think about this: Vancouver residents speak out against homeless shelter. “Residents in the area say they’re going to fight what they see as a plan that transplants the Downtown Eastside to their neighbourhood”. We demand social mix in the DTES, but god forbid there be social mix in the rest of the city.

To borrow from Mark Twain: ”Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you complained about homeless shelters; but I repeat myself.”

Obviously, other jurisdictions in the Lower Mainland need to step up: Surrey soup kitchen shut down on Thanksgiving. Yeah, because if you just stop feeding the homeless then homelessness will disappear.

Meanwhile, as Burnaby takes the National Energy Board to court, Kirk LaPointe wraps his lips around their, um, pipe: NPA pushes for LNG jobs in Vancouver. What jobs? Bird cleaners?

Meanwhile, Kinder Morgan questions how much B.C. First Nation still eats fish. Or, how much do you really enjoy that Starbucks latte, Terri-Lee? Because I’m about to take a dump in it…

The real drug pushers: Safeway, London Drugs and other pharmacy chains threaten legal action if cigarette sales banned.

The bubble has popped: Canucks say their sellout streak is over. One. Single. Tear.

SMOKE BREAK #1128 | Scientist Questions The Reality And Purpose Of Consciousness

(via) Professor Nicholas Humphrey digs into the reality and purpose of human consciousness for The Royal Institute:

Consciousness is at the core of our very existence. An intangible constant that underpins our experience of the world. But for centuries it has been the frustrating source of a seemingly impenetrable explanatory gap – it is largely a scientific mystery.

As we interact with the world, stimuli trigger physical processes in our body. Nerve cells transmit messages around the body and through the brain. But how do these physical interactions give rise to the conscious sensations we experience? Can we get conscious sensation from nerve cells alone?

In this video theoretical psychologist Professor Nicholas Humphrey asks whether consciousness could all be an illusion. Could it be a mirage constructed in the theatre of our minds? Perhaps the questions we should ask are not centred on sensations themselves, but merely on the appearance of those sensations.

And why does consciousness, in any form, exist at all? How did it evolve? The answer might lie in our social interactions. Consciousness elevates our interpretation of the world and the people around us. It alters our psychological profile and breathes joy into our experiences, and makes us value life itself.

TAKE ANOTHER BREAK

FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE BRIEF #437 | How New York City Gets Its Billion Gallons A Day

October 20, 2014 

(via) This fascinating documentary short from The New York Times details the elaborate, gravity-fed system that delivers a billion gallons of fresh water into New York City every day.

It is the gold standard of urban water supplies. The New York City watershed was assembled during the 20th century, and the system’s underground aqueducts are considered an engineering marvel.

MORE FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Flipping Houses & Always Believing The Person In Dreadlocks

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by Sean Orr | Hooray! Vancouver wins injunction to evict homeless campers from Oppenheimer Park. So now they can go back to sleeping on benches and under bridges!

Update: VPD to wear body cameras when ensuring campers clear out of Oppenheimer Park. Let’s hope they have a livestream…

Dichotomy City: Vancouver’s real estate boom: The rising price of ‘heaven’. “The house prices are perfect…” As cringeworthy as that sounds, it’s nice to see some honesty from the rich.

Flipping the paradigm: OneCity proposes house-flipping levy in Vancouver. Just don’t tell these guys…The Flipping Formula team is on its way.

Which leads to the Tweet of the Day:

 

To be fair however, the NPA’s affordable housing platform doesn’t mention renters once.

But hey, free parking, right? Promises, promises — main Vancouver parties ramp up their civic election campaigns. In a city that is next to impossible to find parking in, what difference does it make if it’s free?

From my cold, oily fingers: Kinder Morgan TV ads attacked as influencing city elections in BC. She obviously cares about the environment because she has dreadlocks.

RED ALERT: Guy at Fraser Institute is pretty sure he just debunked climate change science. Press Progress is my new favourite website.

Not a Nathan For You gag: Shell brings back 1984 gas prices to celebrate anniversary. You really have to admire this brilliant piece of participatory propaganda.

From the people that brought you the Hump Day Hottie: Vancouver men, please stop harassing women. Written by… a Vancouver man. I mention this because a woman on my Facebook says the exact opposite, and that complimenting a woman is not harassment. Vancouver is uptight enough as it is, we don’t need another reason to not interact with each other.

Also, it’s obvious that you should be handsome, be attractive, and don’t be unattractive.

Meanwhile, Four white Sun TV panelists explain white privilege to guy who isn’t white.

Bonus: RBC Branch On Fire Painting Likely Won’t Win RBC Contest. Genius.

DINER | “How Does It Grow” Details What It Takes To Grow White Heads Of Cauliflower

October 14, 2014 

(via) Did you know that heads of cauliflower are naturally yellow and the white ones we prefer in our supermarkets are only white because farmers cover the growing flowers (aka “curds”) with their leaves – and so block out the sun – when they are just the size of tennis balls? Nicole Cotroneo Jolly tells us that and more about broccoli’s fascinating little brother…

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Dodging Debates And Smartass Vikings Being Mean To Jesus

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by Sean Orr | Oh look, the people we elected to go and sit in a house decided they would actually go and do that: B.C. Legislature to begin rare fall sitting on Monday. What are we supposed to do, throw a fucking parade for them? I mean, in the words of David Cross… “I don’t cream myself when the guy at McDonalds gets my order right…”

Ante up: Christy Clark’s No Pro at LNG Poker. Just because she said LNG will be a windfall for BC in order to get elected doesn’t mean she actually meant it. I mean, Jeez. Stop taking everything so literally, Bill.

Where in Vancouver is Gregor Robertson? Opponents slam ‘transparent’ mayor for dodging debate. He’s so transparent that he’s disappeared, get it?! But seriously though, this is a stupid article and a non-starter of an issue. There are real issues, to be sure, but not showing up to a debate sponsored by the NPA’s biggest donor isn’t one of them.

That being said, maybe we’d see him better if he wore one of these: Should Politicians Wear Uniforms Like NASCAR racers?

More bad optics: Voter suppression on Vancouver’s East Side in lead-up to November 2014 election? Again, a total oversight. But comparing it to voter suppression by the Republicans? Come on now…

Youth tired of being “tokenized” in Vancouver municipal elections: COPE board member. Those youth! They really put the toke in tokenized, eh? Eh? Oh shit, I just tokenized them, didn’t I?

Dog bites dogma: Trinity Western grad ‘attacked’ for being Christian in job rejection. “I signed it God Bless probably partially because I knew it would irritate them…” Way to take the high road there. “If I met God I’d have sex with him…” Wow…I think I have a new hero!

I’m not sure why I decided to put this next link here: Dragon Boat Society canoes destroyed in early morning fire.

Bonus: Here’s how Mish Way ‘lost’ her virginity. Spoiler: who cares?

SCOUT LIST | Ten Things That You Should Absolutely Do Between Now And Next Week

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by Michelle Sproule | The main objective of this website is to scout out and promote the things that make Vancouver such a sweet place to be. We do this with an emphasis on the city’s independent spirit to foster a sense of connectedness within and between our communities, and to introduce our readers to the people who grow and cook our food, play the raddest tunes in our better venues, create our most interesting art, and design everything from what we wear to the spaces we inhabit. The Scout List is our carefully considered, first rate agenda of super awesome things that we’re either doing, wishing that we could do, or conspiring to do this week. You can also check it out in the Globe & Mail, from our calendar to theirs…and yours!

ORPHAN THANKSGIVING | Feeling down about the sad can of soup that’s starting to look like it might be your ThanksgivingDinner this year? Don’t. It doesn’t have to be like this! On Saturday, October 11th, our good friends at Here There are hosting Orphan Thanksgiving, a semi-secret dinner party dedicated to celebrating the ones who always get left behind. Dinner will be a big help-yourself-style spread of the Thanksgiving classics. Think roasted turkey, porchetta, autumnal roasted vegetables, sweet potato mash with candied nuts, gratin of blue russian potato and cauliflower, shaved apple and fennel salad, brioche stuffing, and two types of pie. There will also be a cash bar selling holiday cocktails and a stereo playing solid gold jams. It’s all going down in a fun, cozy, dinner party environment where all you’ll need to worry about is what you’re thankful for…
October 11 | 7pm | Undisclosed Location | $40 | DETAILS

CONNECT | The Sustenance Festival is a series of fantastic food-elated events held by the Vancouver Parks Board. They’re designed to connect local communities to the concept of food security. For Sustenance 2014, you can learn about wild and edible mushroom identification, take pickling and canning classes, attend gardening talks, sit in on cheese-making and gluten free baking workshops, dance a Harvest Dance, taste tea – the works. The theme for this year’s festival is “Making Connections and Building Relationships”, so expect to get social.  Events go down at community centres all over the city.
Now – October 19 | City of Vancouver Community & Recreation Centres | DETAILS

GIG | Angus and Julia Stone take the stage at the Vogue this Friday. The brother-sister folk duo are swinging in to town from Australia. Fingers crossed that Angus throws in a track or two from his recent solo album, Broken Brights. Tickets are going quickly, so you might need to try Craigslist.
Fri, Oct 10 | doors 7pm, show 8pm | Vogue Theatre (918 Granville St) | DETAILS

KIDS | Racoons, owls, coyotes, bats, oh my! Racoons, owls, coyotes, bats – discover the critters who live in Stanley Park at night on a candle lit walk with Stanley Park Ecology Society peeps. This kid-friendly program departs from the Stanley Park Miniature Train park each half hour, 6:30-8:30pm on Thursdays and 6:30-9pm, Fri-Sun. Lanterns provided!
Now through October 31 | Various times, various days | DETAILS

LUNCH | Gastown’s much-loved L’Abattoir restaurant is now open for lunch, and there was much rejoicing. Chef Lee Cooper has put together a day time menu that offers two or three course tastings as well as a la carte choices. We recently sat at the bar for a mid-afternoon serving of pasta stuffed with squash, sage, mushrooms – a perfect excuse to skip out of work. Oh, and they do cocktails, like, really really good cocktails.
Lunch is available from Monday to Friday (11:30am – 2:30pm) | DETAILS

COOK | The Hindu festival of lights, Diwali, is coming up (October 17-16). You can get into the spirit by taking a South Asian cooking class at The Roundhouse in Yaletown. Expect to learn about traditional cooking techniques and where to source ingredients in Vancouver. Chipati, roti, lentils and stews – build up your dossier of comfort food recipes for the winter ahead!
Sat, Oct 11 | 2-4pm | Roundhouse Community Centre (183 Roundhouse Mews) DETAILS

OKTOBERFEST | Skip the cologne-soaked versions for authenticity’s sake and guzzle some German pints in celebration of Oktoberfest at The Alpen Club this weekend. They’ve always done it right. From classic German Schlager Songs to Bavarian Buffet and lounge, it’s just the real deal. The club’s slogan says it best: “Real Oktoberfest by Real Germans.” Jawohl!
Oct 10 + 11 | 7:30pm | Vancouver Alpen Club (4875 Victoria) | $30/$80 | DETAILS

FASHION | Lauren and Lyndsey of local clothing company Hey Jude launch their Fall/Winter 2014 pop-up this week. Veterans of the vintage pop-up scene in Vancouver, this pair owns the intersection of classic and contemporary, structured and bohemian. Expect to see silk and wool, rich tones, and monochromatic neutrals. This season of design-inspired vintage will include items for both men and women. The juiciest pieces always fly off the hangers first, so consider hitting the shop on opening night (Thursday, Oct, 8) for a shop + social (6-9pm).
Now – December 22 | 11-7pm Daily | 196 Kingsway (@ 10th Ave) | DETAILS

OCEAN | The Marine Biology team at Nature Vancouver have arranged for a few representatives from The Plastic Oceans Foundation to give a talk about the plague of plastics in our oceans on Wednesday night. We all know it’s a serious problem, but sometimes sitting down to listen to experts tell you just how serious it is can be the kick in the pants that jumpstarts some extra action. Get involved. Keep your beaches and the oceans clean!
Thurs, Oct 9 | 7:30pm | Unitarian Church of Vancouver (949 W. 49) | DETAILS

WATCH | This is the last week of the Vancouver International Film Festival. Screenings continue through Friday and there are still some great films to catch. Narrow things down by browsing by series (organizers have classified films into a number of series such as Cinema of Our Time, BC Spotlight, Nonfiction and Special Presentations) as well as by genre and venue. For a little more direction – have a look at Scout’s  ”Nine Movies You Need To Catch At VIFF“.
Now through Oct. 10 | Various Times and Locations | DETAILS

late-may-2009-169Michelle Sproule grew up in Kitsilano and attended University in Australia and the University of Victoria before receiving her graduate degree in Library Sciences from The University of Toronto. She lives in beautiful Strathcona and enjoys wandering aimlessly through the city’s streets with her best friend – a beat up, sticky, grimy (but faithful) camera.

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Snortside Stabfests And Taxis’ Exhausted Crusade Against Uber

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by Sean Orr | Bad news: Postmedia strikes $316-million deal to buy Quebecor’s English papers. As reported by Canada’s other paper, which is owned by Bell. Have you never read heard about the media monopoly in the mainstream media? No, because of the media monopoly.

Watch Conservatives mount courageous defence of their right to talk gibberish. That’s not a clickhole article. This would be a clickhole article: 5 Ways ISIS Can Reduce Its Carbon Footprint.

Meanwhile, Godwin’s Law put into practice: Tory Senator Uses Nazis, Trudeau Sr. To Attack Liberals’ Iraq Stance. Oh, and because ISIS got most of its weapons from the US and its allies, here’s a petition: Do NOT bring Canada into the war against ISIS.

Why Alberta producers won’t feel the fallout of plunging oil prices until next year. Isn’t the war in Iraq supposed to raise oil prices? Hmm.

Red Herring on the menu: Olivia Chow Smacks Down Racially-Charged Question. “I don’t know what it has anything to do with me being an immigrant”.

Meanwhile, back in in Lotusland, the press is keeping our politicians honest: Gregor Robertson Likes It Spicy And Other Fun Facts About Vancouver’s Mayor.

I’d rather vote for a peanut than an unremarkable nobody.

Meanwhile, in San Francisco: Proposition G: Stop unfair evictions. Wouldn’t it be cool if we had a civic party that took some sort of stand on this issue. Oh wait: “The Greens say they’ll protect apartment tenants from renovictions by strengthening the rate-of-change bylaw so all residents “have housing relocation plans for comparable or better accommodation at a comparable or lower rent before the building or demolition permit is issued…”

‘I’m ready to take on the $18-billion boys’: Vancouver’s cabbies take aim at Uber. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me? I read that as “I’m ready to take on 18 billion boys…” and then I thought to myself, “C’mon now, that is way too many boys…” Some background via Jacobin: Against Sharing. Please do not share that article.

Schadenfreude of the day: Mark Donnelly trips over carpet during anthem Why schadenfreude towards the beloved singer? He’s anti-choice.

Meanwhile, in Gastown: Two men stabbed overnight at Gastown pub. Wow, Portside really does live up to its Snortside nickname (you know, because cocaine).

Also in Gastown, the neighbourhood gets even more interesting: Female models for Facesitting Videos. Shaun Layton, is that you?

Some background to the Satan Penis/Penguin Plinth: ARCHIVES: Memory loss — Clark Drive plaza sits forgotten and neglected.

In other really important art news: Joan Cusack replaces brother John Cusack as Vancouver graffiti artist’s favourite.

My building made it on to ScanBC:

 

No, it wasn’t me. But I do on occasion enjoy a large posterior.

Bonus: Worst Cats.

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