Tea & Two Slices is a long-running local news round-up by NEEDS frontman and veteran dishwasher Sean Orr, who lives and works in Gastown, deeply aware of his privilege.

I keep hearing how different the world is going to be after this. That we can’t go back to normal. That – fingers crossed – this will be the end of capitalism. I’ve been calling for revolutionary change for decades, but I didn’t think it would look like this. The virus is just the fuse in the tinderbox, or, as Arundhati Roy puts it, “the wreckage of a train that has been careening down the track for years”.

And while we will come to together on an unprecedented scale to rebuild, I still can’t help but think that the cost is going to be too high, and the marginalized are the ones who are going to pay. And that the real crisis is climate change vis a vis rising global inequality and an economic system that is either unwilling or unable to distribute resources efficiently. More on that later.

Let’s start with the good news: Why B.C. is flattening the COVID-19 curve while numbers in central Canada surge. And yet why do I get the sense that even publishing this story is a bad idea? Comparatively low testing numbers plus an already geographically isolated province aside, this won’t make people say to themselves, “it’s working, we have to stay vigilant”. More like, “oooh cherry blossoms! Gotta blow up the insta!”

Because your phones don’t lie. COVID-19: Google knows how well we’re social distancing in B.C.. “Locations are grouped into categories such as retail and recreation, groceries, parks, transit, workplaces and homes”. Then for heaven’s sake, why does this article not mention that there is a 27% increase in park usage? (I had to find out that data myself.)

If that isn’t a damning indictment of the solipsistic narcissism of our province I don’t know what is. Sure, it’s important for us to get outside, but only just today did we close Stanley Park to cars to lessen the crowding on the seawall.  Running in close quarters can increase risk of spreading COVID-19, experts warn.

When you see the deaths increase, when you see videos of health care workers in tears because the PPE is running out, understand that it’s on you. When this goes on for months longer than it should, it’s on you. And of course, piece of shit joggers…

Then there’s these assholes: B.C. man in hot water for filming himself ‘investigating’ COVID-19 test site, hospital. Go home and stick your selenite wand up your yoni, you Epoch Times-reading, flat earth-believing goof.

Sure, there’s a bright side. LA’s smog has lifted, people are having less heart attacks, you can see the Himalayas, Boris Johnson can’t do as much damage in intensive care, and…

Save the Cruise Industry? Some Say Let It Sink. Aside from being floating incubators for aging boomers (or that most of them are registered in countries like Panama and the Bahamas to avoid paying taxes) one cruise ship is equal to a million cars. Sorry, Victoria pedicab guy.

Double sorry: 1/3 Of Canada’s Jobless Get Nothing From New Benefits System: Report. Students, low-income contractors, people finishing maternity leave, unpaid interns, homeless, disabled, sex workers, people already on EI who are abled to work but can’t because there’s no jobs left…

Three weeks ago I warned that we must prioritize those most at risk. Though we failed, we need to be wary of calls for universal basic income, or “keeping the economy rolling”, or whatever Pierre Poilievre wants to call it. UBI is a neoliberal tool that could be used to deradicalize the underclasses, and is worth nothing without full wealth redistribution.

Stimulus packages will always line the pockets of the 1%, price gouging will continue unabated, and outsourcing of critical industries will put us all at risk because: Public safety requires public ownership.

Meanwhile: ‘Essential’ Farm Workers Are Putting Food on Your Table With No Insurance, No Sick Pay, and Few Safety Regulations. I know some chefs are great at celebrating our producers but we need a total overhaul of this industry.

But but but…capitalism is the most efficient system ever made! B.C. farms dumping milk because of problems getting it to the store. I’m sorry, but as much as I want to put my pseudo-Marxist lens on this the following sentence just stopped me in my tracks: “You can’t turn the cows off.” Moo.

Grocery workers are dying of coronavirus. I already said last week that if this is an essential job then they should be paid like it is, so instead…

“Thank god for service workers” says man who will oppose minimum wage hike in 9 months. No words.

In more “COVID is exposing barriers that already exist” news: Some Vancouver stores not accepting cash, and that’s a problem for low-income people, councillor says.

Right on schedule: Official Silence on COVID-19 Case in Downtown Eastside Fuelling Fears. Basically, we should just assume the absolute worst.

Overdose prevention site suspended due to social-distancing restrictions. Translation: ‘We don’t want you to get sick and die while we are trying to make sure you don’t die…’

This is in the States but I imagine there is a corollary here: New Map Shows COVID-19 Is Hitting People of Color Hardest. COVID is intersectional.

Months-long isolation will take its toll on people’s mental health, experts say. It’s weird. I quickly went from being depressed that I have a low-paying subsistence job to being depressed that I don’t.

Following the line of things that were bad before COVID that are much worse now: Calls to Vancouver domestic-violence crisis line spike 300% amid COVID-19 pandemic.

Oh man, they shook: B.C. landlords seeing up to 50% of tenants not paying rent. This would be fucking awesome if it was true. They literally surveyed only a dozen property owners “and found that between 1% and 50% of those landlords’ tenants didn’t pay their rent this month.”

A myriad of pearl clutching comments on my last post shows that more education is needed: Rent Strike Van Busts 5 Myths About Landlords.

Or, if clicking on a link from Rent Strike Vancouver is anathema to you…

Again, if it’s easier to be taught a lesson via satire: Coronavirus Forces Landlord To Cut Back On Taking Care Of Building From 1 To 0 Hours A Week.

If all costs were nullified, would they still demand to make a profit? All we hear is “mortgage this, mortgage that”. I’m calling for a moratorium on mortgages, too. Canada Has Put Housing Markets On Life Support. Here’s What’s Happening. Cut to the part where we nationalize the banks.

More good news: “No” – Government dismisses Airbnb request to bail out hosts in Canada with one word. You don’t get to hoard housing, drive up prices, handcuff local agencies, and just be bad neighbours in general and get our help.

Next up is for BC to ban AirBnBs in a little section I like to call Places That are Doing Things Better Than We Are: Ontario bans Airbnb and short-term vacation rentals during pandemic. Ah yes, the NDP outflanked once again by famous progressive, Doug Ford.

Exhibit B: Victoria fills more than 100 motel rooms with homeless population. Update, finally: New spaces secured for vulnerable people to self-isolate. And yet, still not enough.

Exhibit C: Three reasons why Jacinda Ardern’s coronavirus response has been a masterclass in crisis leadership.

Meanwhile, our leader: Trudeau Says ‘Speaking Moistly’ During Coronavirus Update, Regrets It Immediately.

Of course, it’s not as bad as Trump trying to stop 3M from shipping masks that are made with BC Pulp: Vancouver Island pulp mill supplies materials for medical protective equipment in both Canada and US.

Meanwhile, COVID-19: Coquitlam company retools, will be first in Canada to produce N95 respirators.

Speaking of those masks, apparently now we should all be wearing them: Canada’s top doctor says non-medical masks can help stop the spread of COVID-19.

Tough news: Vancouver Courier temporarily ceasing publication.

Advice of the day: Why You Should Ignore All That Coronavirus-Inspired Productivity Pressure. Literally all I’ve done is give myself a mullet and drink 4 boxes of terrible red wine.

Bonus: If You Think People Are The Worst These Days, These 35 Wholesome Pics May Change Your Mind.