by Sean Orr | Justin Trudeau visits Trump and all anyone can talk about is their fucking handshake. Watch: Justin Trudeau Scores a Stunning Draw in Handshake Domination Battle With Donald Trump. Guy Debord eat your heart out, the spectacle rages on unabated like a mind-numbing opiate…
We could be talking about how Jenny Kwan and Tomas Mulcair demanded Trudeau condemn Trump’s discriminatory executive order, or…
We could be talking about how the two leaders’ joint statement on the environment was missing any reference to climate change. The word “energy”, however, was use 10 times. In one paragraph. Or…
We could be talking about Bill C-23, the terrifying pre-clearance bill that would give U.S. border agents in Canada new powers.
Nah. I mean, because…did you even see the way Ivanka looked at Justin! I mean, that’s the real story, right?
Get you someone that looks at you the way Ivanka Trump looks at Justin Trudeau pic.twitter.com/sxTAlpi4av
— Philip Lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) February 13, 2017
And did you hear Sean Spicer call him Joe Trudeau! So many lols!
72% of Canadians aren’t sure if Joe Trudeau is ready to be prime minister
— Stats Canada (@stats_canada) February 14, 2017
Maybe it was Joe Trudeau and not Justin who promised electoral reform all along: Petition demanding Trudeau honour electoral reform promise rockets past 100,000 signatures.
It’s become a sort of Kremlinology. We analyze the minutiae of our politicians’ every movement without actually analyzing anything. We go so far as to say such smug, pithy declarations as Trudeau resisting Trump’s weird handshake is the biggest display of dominance in the history of Canada.
Turbot Wars aside, however, they are probably right. A handshake will ensure Trudeau’s next election victory. Liberals will ensure his role as Trump whisperer – whatever the fuck that means – is entrenched.
The best commentary on the whole affair is by Vice: The Definitive Analysis of ‘The Handshake’ Between Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau.
This is a handshake buried under the weight of its own meaninglessness, a black hole of metacommentary in a world where sense sloshes chaotically across a flat surface of signifiers unmoored from any attachment to truth or reason or even an orderly presentation of images. Donald Trump’s handshake is a signed statement on the failure of language here at the end of the world.
Is Justin Trudeau a white supremacist? Maybe. Now, this is sure to touch off a firestorm of debate about the nature of identity politics, but take it from Justin’s mouth. He said with a straight face that America’s values are our values. If America is a white supremacist country, so is Canada. Ergo, if your anti-Trump movement is not anti-colonial you are wasting everyone’s time.
And if you’re not sick of the spectacle yet: Sarah Palin could bring her carnival show here as ambassador. Well, gosh. Wouldn’t that be a treat?