by Sean Orr | This week in Conservative candidates imploding, we have Jerry Bance’s trickle down economics pee scandal (“number three in the polls, number one in your mug”); Tim Dutaud pretending to be mentally disabled (pretending?); David Wilks saying it’s not fair to expect government action on missing, murdered Indigenous women; and Mark MacDonald saying being First Nations can be an advantage if played right.

But wait! There’s more!

We have Cheryl Gallant breaking twitter with a congratulatory spree; Ryan Leef hiding in the woods to arrest a sign vandal; Konstantin Toubis sharing advice on drunk women, latent homosexuality and “being a man”; Sue MacDonell getting fired after posting on Facebook that a Cree woman recently crowned Mrs. Universe was a monster; Peter Kent tweeting a photo falsely depicting an ISIS militant as a refugee; and Larry Miller passing along fake warning of a Communist revolution. Miller might be interested in this helpful video explaining what to do if there’s an armed communist uprising near your home when you’re having a party.

Feeling left out of the fun, Liberal candidate Chris “not that Chris Brown” Brown calls women bitches and whores on Twitter. Oh, and an NDP aide called out the Catholic Church, but they sort of deserved it.

“With the loonie approaching northern peso territory, a world refugee crisis threatening to overwhelm Europe and Islamic State still posing almost no domestic threat to Canadians, Steve is sticking with the economy and national security as his ballot questions. He might as well have picked Egyptian architecture and macramé.” – Michael Harris.

He may as well have hired a cunning anti-refugee, race-baiter from Australia whose own Prime Minister was just overthrown in a coup…

Or announced that he’s basically declaring war on Vancouver: Health Canada warns RCMP may act if pot dispensaries remain open.

Meanwhile, The Economist reminds us that we aren’t the global benefactors we think we are, a fact reinforced by a new ad from Adbusters, while Andrew Loewen dispels the myth that Harper is a villain responsible for all our ills:

The Harper regime is basically the logical outcome of a settler-colonial petro-state like Canada. Harper is viewed as antithetical to Canadian values but, in effect, he’s closer to being Canada personified. He exemplifies Canada as it is. Like any nationalism, there’s a severe disjunction between Canadians’ national mythology and the reality of the country.

Yeah, but I’d still rock this lawn sign. That is, if I had a lawn.

But more importantly, what do people think about our politicians based solely on pictures? “He’s definitely what every straight guy wants his girlfriend’s dad to look like when he finally meets him, so probably a ‘yes’ on voting for this guy…”

I’m sure Jerry Bance agrees: urgent matter: more public washrooms. Seriously, the next time I take out the garbage at L’Abattoir and find some douchebag pissing on the dumpster, I am going to fully lose it.

Speaking of douchebags: Canadian entrepreneur finds international success selling firewood for $1000 per bundle. And by douchebags I mean the commenters who thought it was real.

(Almost related) Scan of the day:

#Vancouver Police are responding to Adanac Community Garden for reports that a male is picking tomato’s that are not his.

— ScanBC (@ScanBC) September 13, 2015

Bonus: The wild west of Canada: Images capture isolation of the country’s forgotten rural towns.