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On Dreading The News, Hipster Beard Growth, And Reliable Leviticus

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by Sean Orr | “This article and the other article about the RCMP giving out “positive tickets” that can be redeemed for a Slurpee to longboarders who wear their helmet make me wonder if the CBC is running with the fact that Sean Orr is on tour and not blogging”- Sean Antrim.

Vancouver riot kissing couple still together 4 years later. This kind of romantic fetishisation reeks of white privilege and smarm. I mean, just days after police gently arrest a white man who gunned down nine innocent people, the CBC runs this piece about two white kids “accidentally caught” in a riot about nothing that began four hours earlier.

And it’s the dread of returning to articles like this or, say, Point Grey bike lane bends to accommodate gala guests, or Hipster chic inspires big growth in beard-related businesses. These are the sorts of things that led to me being hospitalized with anxiety on the way back from tour in Revelstoke.

So, what else did I miss? Terrorist threat levels highest in Vancouver, Edmonton, Montreal, Toronto. Thanks Global for the public service announcement. So what do I do? Oh, just be afraid? Just sit at home and consume information and pizza and ativan, change my Facebook icon into a rainbow, and ready my Stephen Harper-approved Terror Closet? Gotcha!

Weird, using fear to promote an ideology is not terrorism because it’s more truthful than the news, which reports on terrorism: Does the Conservatives’ new ad contravene their own anti-terror law? Look closely. The Isis flag the Conservatives used was actually made up entirely of dildos.

Only days after Bill C-51 received royal assent, undermining sections of the Charter and denying citizens the right to trial which was first established 800 years ago in this very document, a museum technician describes her struggle to get the Great Charter of the Liberties to lay down flat: Signed, sealed and delivered: Magna Carta arrives in capital. Apparently it was just excited that Bono was visiting Parliament.

If voting for Bill C-51 wasn’t enough, last week the Liberals nominated the man responsible for the arrest (perhaps radicalization) of thousands of peaceful protesters: Bill Blair wins federal Liberal nomination for Scarborough Southwest. I assume he’ll be touting his record of uncovering inept crack-smoking mayors as opposed to his handling of G20.

Speaking of sinking ships: James Moore, Tory minister, leaving federal politics. The Moore the merrier.

My wet hot NDP summer: Reid: In the midst of the NDP phenomenon, only the stupid aren’t terrified. There’s something happening here, what it is ain’t exactly clear.

While Americans struggle with the Supreme Court decision to legalize gay marriage, laughably threatening to move to Canada, it should be remembered that bigotry still abounds here. Vancouver business facing scrutiny for anti-gay comments. “I’m far from homophobic. What I am is a Bible believing Christian”. Oh, cool. So you don’t do any of these other 76 things that are also banned in Leviticus? Including mixing fabrics in clothing, going to church within 33 days after giving birth to a boy, or eating shellfish? Good to know…

Then again, maybe she’s right and God is punishing us with… flying ants!!!

Thous shalt not craft your civic identity on other cities: City Council approves “Little Italy” name for Commercial Drive. “What’s next, are they going to call 38th and main the meat packing district”? – Christina Knox

Western alienation of the day: Toronto Is Exactly the City Canada Deserves (to Bring Us Together in Mutual Loathing). Oh, come on. I’ve spent years clearly laying out a myriad of reasons to hate Vancouver…

Headline of the month: B.C. Conservation Office investigates boater’s wild ride on moose.

Bonus: AAA- Wax. Dedicated to Pat Placzek.

On Ken Sim’s So-Called “Swagger” and ABC’S Class War

Sean Orr is back from his hiatus with a rundown of the local headlines that have been running on a ticker tape through his mind over the past six months...

On Post-Election Recuperation, Platform Paradoxes and Refund Communities

In his latest read of the local news headlines, Sean Orr finds irony in "safety, affordability, and sustainability", and shouts out a bunch of amazing local organizations working on the frontlines.

On Running for City Council, Playing Whack-a-Mole with Homelessness, and the Public Washroom Deficit

In his latest read of the local news headlines, Sean Orr finds a park ranger with a grudge, a gross misuse of air quotes and Tripadvisor slander.

On Living in a City Preoccupied with Street Cleaning, Chandeliers, and Campaigns Against the Homeless

In his latest read of the local news headlines, Sean Orr hones in on the recent Langley shootings, and the ongoing criminalizing and dehumanizing of the homeless population.