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On Bauhaus, The Upcoming Gastown Eatery With The Great Chef & Terrible Owner

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by Andrew Morrison | It’s hard not to be on the fence about Bauhaus, the new German-themed restaurant going in at 1 West Cordova Street in Gastown. Like many, I’ve got history there, in the space that used to be Boneta. Within its old brick confines I’ve judged cocktail competitions and watched young bartenders flourish, tucked into wine-paired feasts, celebrated friend’s birthdays, dunked bottles of Maker’s Mark bourbon into hot red wax, and mourned both friends and family at whisky-soaked wakes. I was even there when it wasn’t quite Boneta yet. So I want very badly to love its inheritor, which is set to open next Saturday (if I’m not mistaken). But like many others in the neighbourhood, I’m super conflicted about it, and I think my reasons are fair.

On the one hand, the nouvelle German cooking is likely to be marvellous, as it’s the province of chef Stefan Hartmann (pictured above), who was kind enough to walk me through the construction site last week. He’ll be the only working chef in Vancouver to have ever earned a Michelin star (other than the venerable Alain Raye), a feat he accomplished at his eponymous Hartmanns restaurant in Berlin (sold last year). He is by all reports a very likeable guy. Since arriving in Vancouver late last year, he quickly made friends among the small, tightly-knit (but nevertheless invariably welcoming) community of Gastown chefs and restaurateurs. Like them, I can’t wait to taste his food.

On the other hand, the restaurant is owned by Uwe Boll, who will undoubtedly be to blame if Bauhaus is a total flop. I’d honestly never heard of the much maligned B-movie director before he took over the address, most probably because watching only good movies has been a lifelong ambition of mine. I only really took notice of him when he started publicly bragging about his “most innovative and exquisite new modern restaurant devoted to the prestige and etiquette of the finest European traditions.” Curious as what sort of person would say something so outlandish out loud, I read his bio on Wikipedia. Oh boy.

Apparently, Mr. Boll is considerably more infamous for his buffoonery than he is famous for his movie-making, which is saying something. Let’s leave his films – which have been so universally panned that people have actually organized and petitioned him to retire – out of this and focus on his behaviour, which has often been either amusing or appalling, depending on your point of view. Boll likes to challenge his critics to fight, and evens knocks them out when given the chance. For real. He once called directors Michal Bay and Eli Roth “fucking retards”; declared himself to be “the only genius in the whole fucking [movie] business”; and ill-advisedly told the editor of Wired in an email to “go to your mom and fuck her …because she cooks for you now since 30 years ..so she deserves it” [sic].

Hartmann insists that much of Boll’s reputation is myth. “It’s not the true Uwe Boll,” he told me earnestly. “He is the big heart-est person in the world”. Be that as it may, the restaurant business is not the movie business, and though few industries attract as many egomaniacal blowhards as hospitality, the only ones who ever find success in it are those who can – at the very least – pretend to be gracious.

They certainly can’t go around publicly insulting their competitors — a memo that was apparently lost in translation with Boll. Not only is he on the record expressing his general dissatisfaction with Vancouver’s food scene, but in a flagrant display of abject idiocy he’s also taken to YouTube to review neighbouring restaurants and calling those that don’t meet his particular standards “super shitty”. To listen to him go on about how European restaurants are so superior to Vancouver restaurants is like listening to a dyspeptic ogre fart through a bullhorn. Even if he’s right, you just want him to stop. But when he does, the smell lingers. And it’s just terrible.

Of course he’s flattered a restaurant on video for every one that he’s insulted. He loves L’Abattoir and La Quercia, for example. But despite how much I adore his pronunciation of “Wildebeest”, this is just not something that restaurateurs do. He’s behaving badly. Consequently, I was hardly shocked when everyone in the trade that I spoke to about the coming of Bauhaus told me that the guy had endangered the success of his eatery by alienating his would-be peers. But their opposition will hardly bend Boll from venturing unsolicited opinions. “I’ve been to 120 Michelin-starred restaurants in the last 10 years,” he told the Globe & Mail in January. “I think I know what I’m talking about.”

Oh, dear. The poor fellow.

I’d like to think that it’ll all come down to Hartmann’s cooking and the hospitality of the service staff. I love German food, and modern interpretations of it especially. Boll is absolutely correct right in thinking (out loud, of course) that our city runs a deficit of highly capable, regionally-specific European restaurants. We could use many more, both in the fine dining and casual realms. But if Bauhaus doesn’t have the love and respect of its neighbours out of the gate, it will be stillborn. I’ve tried to pin down exactly why, and the only thing that I can think of is this: arrogance just doesn’t taste very good, no matter who’s cooking.

In any event, if I’m not instantly struck in the face by Boll for daring to blaspheme against his elusive genius, it’ll be pretty weird to step back into the 110 seat space once it’s complete. They’ve done a crazy amount of work in there. The old building has been retrofitted with fresh concrete and steel supports in the walls, and local designer Andrea Greenway has expanded the kitchen, moved the bar/lounge to the center of the space, levelled the once sunken dining room, and given the whole a brick-heavy, Mid-Century Modern look and feel. This is weird considering how Bauhaus is its very own (and strikingly different) design movement/school. Perhaps that’s premature. Maybe they’ll have Brandt teapots, Wagenfeld dishes, and Breuer armchairs, but if not, calling it “Bauhaus” is like calling an Edwardian dining room “Dali”. But I’m not European, so what do I know?

    ALL ANTICIPATED OPENINGS

    There are 2 comments

    1. Hey here is Uwe Boll. Andrew you never talked with me. Only for the record: All my restaurant reviews are years old and posted way before I even decided to open a restaurant. As a restaurateur I don’t post reviews any more. I hope that Vancouver is excited to get the BAUHAUS RESTAURANT and will enjoy the food, drinks and atmosphere.

    2. Hey,
      Maybe Uwe would like to sign up for aprons for gloves in the near future.
      He seems well-suited for this and it would be nice of him to support the local community – non?

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