TEA & TWO SLICES | On Barfing Into Fendi Bags & Affluent Kids Moving Into The DTES

August 28, 2014.

image-(2)

by Sean Orr | We are Tennyson’s mariners, and we’ve eaten the lotus: Vancouver is fast becoming Fat Cat City as luxury purchase opportunities pile up. If you we don’t violently vomit blood-specked rage while you read this then there is something drastically wrong with you us. “It’s kind of a high-powered game of keeping up with the Joneses — except in this case it’s keeping up with the Fendis and the Armanis”. Barf! Real, actual wealth has never needed to prostitute itself so vulgarly. What we’re seeing here instead are expensive expressions of personal insecurity…

“The edgy neighbourhood may once have been Vancouver’s skid row…”, the masturbatory article continues. Wrong. Skid Row is skid row. Gastown has always been Gastown. It was gentrified in the 70s, not the 2010s. “Stylish, well-heeled Asians make up the majority of her business…” Oh, just stop it already.

Meanwhile, to our south, no one will heed this warning:

The divide between the haves and have-nots is getting worse really, really fast. In 1980, the top 1 percent controlled about 8 percent of U.S. national income. The bottom 50 percent shared about 18 percent. Today the top 1 percent share about 20 percent; the bottom 50 percent, just 12 percent.

Related: One Incredible Entrepreneur Saved This Struggling Neighborhood By Replacing Everyone In It With Affluent Twentysomethings

Just one year ago, East Shellwood was one of the poorest neighborhoods in America. Its public schools were buckling under budget cuts and the crime rate was steadily increasing, while property values had hit an all-time low.

Today, all of that has changed. East Shellwood is thriving, and shows no signs of slowing down. So what happened?

It all started when a community-minded entrepreneur by the name of Jackson Klemmer had the innovative idea to replace every single one of the area’s longtime residents with affluent twentysomethings. The rest, as they say, is history.

“I knew if we could just find some way to increase the cost of living so that poorer residents had no choice but to move out, we could completely revitalize the neighborhood by filling it with predominantly white twentysomethings,” said Klemmer, a real estate investor and community activist. “People said East Shellwood was a lost cause. But I never stopped believing in this place and the people who could potentially live here once we got rid of all the poor people.”

Related: Ayn Rand’s Capitalist Paradise Is Now a Greedy Land-Grabbing Shitstorm.

Meanwhile the Conservatives keep getting more….conservative-y: Peter MacKay Wears Gun Shirt From Group That Wants To Repeal Canada’s Firearms Laws. But…but…Justin wants to give your kids weed! Or, I see your true colours. Oh, and this is the responsible gun-owning veteran who uses his disability to sneak vodka into football games.

Meanwhile environmentalists are zealots who want to shoot people on Skytrains: The Paver, the Optimist, the Suspicious, the Skeptic and the Back-to-the-Lander. “We don’t need to tell you the resource debate can be loud and antagonistic”, so we need to be louder and more antagonistic.

Don’t look at it like you’re losing a glacier, but rather that you’re gaining a cool new lake! Decker Glacier lake at Whistler a sign of melt to come. Not sure if it’s on purpose, but that headline reminds me of Refused.

Bandwagon alert: Gregor does ice bucket challenge. Not to criticize the challenge, but I’d rather see him do the Rubble bucket challenge. Or the clean drinking water challenge. Or the Grimes challenge.

Vision Vancouver, NPA, Greens are neck and neck in council race, poll shows. “But city hall got low marks for transparency, homelessness and poverty, and “engaging with regular people”. Who paid for this poll? Who are regular people?

The NPA’s wedge issue? They are against bike counters: Vancouver bike lanes boast record summer cycling traffic. Talk about missing LaPointe.

Regarding the Arbutus Corridor, Bangkok proves that railways and community gardens can coexist.

Craigslist of the day: Cozy, spacious three-bedroom suite near UBC, SFU, Trinity Western, U of A, Berkely, and McGill for rent.

#ScoutThis

There are 2 comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Tea & Two Slices A cup of tea, a couple of slices of toast, and Sean Orr…

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Playing Games With Fentanyl & Rental Porn On Commercial Drive

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Playing Games With Fentanyl & Rental Porn On Commercial Drive

by Sean Orr | Pork Barrels R Us: Bulging with New Cash, BC Liberals Eye Spending Spree into Election. Cut to the part where they claim they were over-confident… more 

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Testing Immigrants, Open Plan Sex And Fighting The Sobriety Gods

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Testing Immigrants, Open Plan Sex And Fighting The Sobriety Gods

by Sean Orr | It's those God damned birdwatchers again isn't it? Tony Clement Wants To Monitor All Canadian Charities For Terror Activity. Sad that these are… more 

TEA & TWO SLICES | On The Sauder School Of Sensitivity & The Perversity Of Trees In Parks

TEA & TWO SLICES | On The Sauder School Of Sensitivity & The Perversity Of Trees In Parks

by Sean Orr | Never question what you read, folks. Why is a Canadian journalism school teaming up with a group that peddles fake news? This coming from a man… more 

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Right-Wing Lefties & Public Art Softening The Blow Of Rising Rents

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Right-Wing Lefties & Public Art Softening The Blow Of Rising Rents

by Sean Orr | Justin (sunny ways) Trudeau talks a big left-wing game but governs right, Mersiha Gadzo says. The three men demanded an apology and filed a… more 

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Bursting Bubbles And The Danger Of Unicorns Replacing Sous Chefs

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Bursting Bubbles And The Danger Of Unicorns Replacing Sous Chefs

by Sean Orr | It can't happen here, right? Banks' exposure to loans backed by residential real estate more than $1 trillion. Hey remember, like, a month ago… more 

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Bros Doing Beaches & Vancouver’s Aversion To Good Architecture

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Bros Doing Beaches & Vancouver’s Aversion To Good Architecture

by Sean Orr | It's not about power, it's about power: BC sitting on enough geothermal to power whole province: New maps. Um, yeah...but that doesn't make our… more 

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Gawking At Yuppies And The Symbolic Silliness Of Diner En Blanc

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Gawking At Yuppies And The Symbolic Silliness Of Diner En Blanc

by Sean Orr | A promise broken on Bill C-51? Quick, take your shirt off! Trudeau says rights must be balanced with security in battling terrorism. We've seen… more 

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Poverty Tourism And The Unrelenting Contagion Of Self Absorption

TEA & TWO SLICES | On Poverty Tourism And The Unrelenting Contagion Of Self Absorption

by Sean Orr | Rob Ford narrative progression: "The video doesn't exist! These reporters are hacks!" -- "Here is the video" -- "You people are terrible!"… more 

The scout Community

49th Parallel Coffee Roasters & Lucky’s Doughnuts Acorn Alibi Room Ancora Waterfront Dining & Patio AnnaLena Araxi Ask For Luigi Au Comptoir Bao Bei Chinese Brasserie Bar Oso Bauhaus Beach Bay Café & Patio Beaucoup Bakery & Cafe Bel Café Bestie Bishop’s Bistro Pastis Bistro Wagon Rouge Bittered Sling Blue Water Cafe + Raw Bar Bottleneck Bufala Burdock & Co. Cadeaux Bakery Café Medina Caffè Artigiano Camp Lifestyle + Coffee Co. Campagnolo Campagnolo ROMA Cartems Donuterie Chambar Chefs’ Table Society of BC Chez Christophe Chocolaterie Patisserie  Chicha Chill Winston ChocolaTas Chocolate Arts Cibo Trattoria Cinara CinCin Ristorante + Bar Cioffi’s Cioppino’s Mediterranean Grill Cocktails & Canapes Catering + Events Cook Culture Culinary Capers Catering & Special Events Dirty Apron Cooking School & Delicatessen District Brasserie Dixie’s Authentic Texas BBQ Earnest Ice Cream Edible Canada Elementa Espana Exile Bistro Fable Fanny Bay Farmer’s Apprentice Fat Badger Fat Mao Fernwood Coffee Company Field & Social Forage Giovane Cafe + Eatery Gotham Steakhouse & Bar Grain Granville Island Grapes & Soda Greenhorn Espresso Bar Gyoza Bar Harkness & Co. Harvest Community Foods Hawksworth Restaurant Heirloom Homer Street Cafe & Bar Hy’s Steakhouse Irish Heather Jamjar JJ Bean Joy Road Catering Juice Truck Juniper Keefer Bar Kin Kao Knifewear Kozakura Kuma Tofino L’Abattoir La Buca La Mezcaleria La Pentola La Quercia La Taqueria Pinche Taco Shop Latab Wine Bar Les Amis du Fromage Lions Pub, The Liquidity Bistro Little District Lobby Lounge + RawBar Lolita’s South Of The Border Cantina Longtail Kitchen Maenam Mamie Taylor’s MARKET by Jean-Georges Matchstick Coffee Roasters Meat & Bread Meinhardt Fine Foods Miku Restaurant Milano Coffee Minami Miradoro Mission Mister Mogiana Coffee Mosquito Nero Belgian Waffle Bar Nicli Antica Pizzeria Nightingale Nomad Nook Nuba Oakwood Canadian Bistro OLO OPUS Bar Oru Osteria Savio Volpe Oyama Sausage Co. Pallet Coffee Roasters Pat’s Pub & BrewHouse Phoenix Perennials Pidgin Pied-à-Terre Pizzeria Farina Pourhouse Railtown Cafe Railtown Catering Rain Or Shine Ice Cream Red Wagon, The Revolver Coffee Rocky Mountain Flatbread Co. Royal Dinette Sai Woo Salt Tasting Room Salty Tongue Café Savoury Chef Shaughnessy Restaurant Shebeen Whisk(e)y House Shelter Shika Provisions Siena Six Acres Sophie’s Cosmic Cafe Sorella Stable House, The Steel Toad Brewpub & Dining Hall Tableau Bar Bistro Tacofino Tavola Terra Breads Thierry Thomas Haas Chocolates & Patisserie Timber Timbertrain Coffee Roasters Torafuku Tractor Foods Truffles Fine Foods Two Rivers Specialty Meats UBC Farm Uncommon Cafe, The Urban Digs Farm Uva Wine & Cocktail Bar Vancouver Aquarium’s Ocean Wise™ Program Via Tevere Pizzeria Napoletana West Restaurant Wildebeest Wolf In The Fog YEW seafood

Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was .

Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was .