TEA & TWO SLICES | On Alcoholic Freezie Arrests And Burning Down Our Skateparks

January 23, 2014 

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by Sean Orr | Vancouver Election Has Bigger Issues Than Bike Lanes. “I felt compelled to see these protestors in person. A younger, more angsty self would have wanted to mock and troll them…but I’m older and more chill now, and really I just wanted to see if they were real”. You’re a better man than I, Greg Andrews. Oh, and by the way, they’re real and they’re spectacular. “This city isn’t short of meaningful political issues: housing affordability, homelessness/addiction, job creation, living wages, cultural venue closures, and pedestrian traffic safety. But apparently we’re short for meaningful issues that the NPA wants to touch. Could the real municipal opposition party please stand up?” But not COPE, they care about those issues too much, am I right?

Jimmy McMillan, eat your heart out: In Vancouver, the rent is still too damn high. “Stunning landscapes and insufferable paddle-boarding inhabitants”. Can I get that on a T-shirt please? (make sure it’s sustainable organic cotton). “Antrim’s second suggestion involves installing a landlord licensing office”. Better yet, maybe we could institute a Yelp-like online rating system! “I just wasn’t a big fan of the ambiance and I’m pretty sure the manager was being racist behind my back.”

This week in Vancouver Facadism: Our Post-Truth Culture and Greenwash. “The Eye is not ‘sustainable’ in any ecological sense of the word; it is an energy sink”. Is that like the solar powered street lights that are only found at the airport? Vancouver is like that scene in Fresh Prince of Bel Air where Will finds out that his girlfriend is not what she appears to be.

I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold pyrite: The Top 10 Stupid Arguments in Neil Young Debate. Even I’m guilty of a few of those! “Not because I’m pro-oilsands. Not because I’m anti-oilsands. Nope, I found the op-ed pages infuriating to read because, above all else, I am anti-stupid arguments”.

Pride and Politics: Vancouver mayor asked to apologize. Is Robertson playing the gay card? Maybe we should ask Sarah Palin, she seems to be an expert on inappropriate cards at the moment.

Accidentally hilarious tweet of the day from Deana Smith:

Um, Deana…you know that you sound like a Teabagger boycotting coffee from Kenya because that’s where you think Obama is from, right?

One more thing we can blame on China: Pollution from China harming air quality on West Coast. (“Quick, grab a photo of Vancouver in the fog!” – how I imagine the scene at the Vancouver Sun when they were preparing to run this story.) “Some of it is coming back to bite us [...] through our consumption.” Whoever thought global corporate capitalism would turn out to be an economic ouroboros? Oh, right. It was everyone, since forever.

Job opening: Vancouver woman charged with selling alcoholic ‘freezies’ at Wreck Beach. Suspicious timing! Methinks Wildebeest is trying to corner the market with their fancy schmancy new slurpee machine. Narcs!

Bummer of the week: Arsonists Start Fire at Leeside Skatepark In Vancouver.

Craigslist of the week: Hand Blown Glass Cowboy Hat. Only in Walnut Grove.

Bonus: Free Torts.

  • Rei

    “Teabagger” Really? Ever been to a rally?

  • http://seanorr.tumblr.com/ Sean Orr

    She’s boycotting Happy Planet because she thinks the mayor still owns it. That’s the type of knee jerk ignorance that is associated with the Tea Party. Comparison is apt.

  • Molly

    The story behind the arrest of the boozy freezie girl is truly hilarious, and while I don’t give a toss about selling alcohol on the beach, she still definitely deserves everything she gets for being an awful person.