TEA & TWO SLICES: On Three Eyed Pikes & Ferraris Speeding Furiously From Our Butts

by Sean Orr | Reserves are incubators of misery. Oh yeah? But isn’t that what we said about First Nation villages the first time around? To you, this is “ramshackle”, but to me it’s a sort of difficult beauty. In the absence of a comprehensive land claims system in place, your sentiment is simply White Man’s Burden re-worded into a more modern, post-liberal package.

Son of a Bitumen! It’s Official: Bitumen Mining Pollutes Northern Waterways. Well then…it’s a good thing we took those disgusting lakes off our protected list! Maybe we could turn them into tourist spots. You know, “come see the three-eyed pike”!

Speaking of bitumen: Are the Chinese Giving Up on Motordom? Or do they simply have a government that can immediately react to demographic pressures and mobilise without fearing a ridiculous media backlash from a corporate media funded largely by automobile advertisements?

A Crown for Campbell: BC Place renovation final costs were five times original budget. C’mon. Can’t we do anything right? I mean, this headline might as well read “Ice Town costs Ice Clown his Town Crown”. Except that we’re not a character on a sit-com, no matter how much it feels that way…

Instead, we’re in a psychological thriller (at least according to the ever sensationalising “News” 1130): Woman described by docs as ‘sociopathic’ released from jail. Don’t read the comments, Sean. Don’t read the comments!

Or perhaps we’re in some surrealist Fellini film: Rise of the incredible shrinking home. It’s like that scene in Star Wars when they are in the garbage compactor and the walls are closing in. Threepio! (Actually, it’s not like that at all – some people just don’t need huge lots to live on).

The only time the Canadian Press will ever be excited about labour negotiations: Game on! NHL lockout ends. Now if they can only be that excited when nurses, teachers, and civil servants go back to work.

Craigslist of The Day: Dear drug dealer… [Maple Ridge for the win!]

Norovirus moves like a Ferrari through your digestive tract. I guess that makes my colon the Autobahn…

2 Responses to “TEA & TWO SLICES: On Three Eyed Pikes & Ferraris Speeding Furiously From Our Butts”

  1. Geebs on January 9th, 2013 10:23 am

    You know, if I knew a girl who’d disembowelled both the family cat AND dog on tape, I might err on the side of sensationalization.

  2. Sean Orr on January 9th, 2013 2:26 pm

    It’s moral relativism. Why isn’t the media outraged every single time a pedestrian is struck and killed? How is this going to help her? She’s most likely received death threats already, that will just keep her in an anti-social frame of mind. If anything needs sensationalizing in this story, it’s how we approach mental health.