by Sean Orr | When the local newspaper trolls its own people: Vancouver could use a leader like Rob Ford. “It’s because many long-suffering Toronto residents are sick of spendthrift municipal leaders who, like their Lower Mainland counterparts, waste tax money on pointless, politically correct schemes … or their own careers”, write Jon Ferry of The Province. But sweetie darling, that’s exactly why Ford got kicked out of City Hall. Still, let’s humour the old man for a moment and imagine his world, which would probably look a little like a Hanna Barbera cartoon version of The Fountainhead where all of our “anti-social” residents wre rounded up and sent to Dutch-style Scum Cities.

And any attempt to help the less fortunate would be met with a special kind of self-entitlement: Yaletown residents rip City of Vancouver over shelter location. OK, let’s just get all of you NIMBYs in a Yaletown group power walk whilst listening to Zooey Deschanel cover Baby, It’s Cold Outside on your iPods, and…pause it! Perfect. Now get down into the lotus position. Hold it there. Keep holding…breathe…and…

Vancouver’s latest HEAT shelter has opened quietly in Yaletown, despite vocal protests from residents worried about an oversaturation of social service agencies in the neighbourhood.

…relax.

I could, but this counts as front page news in The Province – Fur flies over abandoned cats – which is unfortunate on so many levels.

Oh, and six people were hit by cars on Wednesday night. I found that story back near the horoscopes, behind some advertisements for cars.

And speaking of unfunny, Vanity Fair attempts to understand the Canadian sense of humour through our history.

“Canada’s history lacks the violent frontier mythology that continues to fuel the folk hoax of rugged individualism so central to the American identity”.

Yeah? Tell that to the Ukrainian immigrants who braved the harsh prairie winters or the First Nations driven out or assimilated and subjected. Or tell that to those who fought both World Wars. We fought them from start to finish, by the way, unlike some people we know who sat on the fence for years before making a commitment. The writer also mentions our “aversion to firing semi-automatic Russian assault weapons into schoolrooms”, which was a sadly ironic thing to read on the anniversary of one of Canada’s worst ever massacres. But yeah, I get it…’doughnuts’. Ha ha. The joke is on journalism.

Some hockey broke out at the boxing match: Brawl breaks out at the Commons. Mayhaps the Fighting Flaneur (that’s me) should consider a return to politics. You get to swear now!

Bonus: save the The Rainier.