TEA & TWO SLICES: On Heroin In Nail Guns And Harper As The Statesman Of The Year

September 28, 2012 

by Sean Orr | Sometimes these things just write themselves: Stephen Harper slags UN, assails Iran while picking up world statesman award. If Harper is world statesman of the year then I just won the Lady Byng trophy as the most sportsmanlike hockey player, which is weird because I’m not even in the NHL. In fact, I don’t even play hockey.

Flat Brokerty: Changes to federal health spending will hit provincial governments hard. “Changes” is a nice way of not calling it near-fatal slashing in the name of “austerity” so we can keep doling out 1.4 billion in subsidies to filthy rich oil companies.

Aroma Boners: [rona ambrose anagram] Canada’s Minister for the Status of Women votes to support a controversial abortion bill. “91 MPs voted for the private member’s bill, which would have established a committee to examine when life begins”. However, it is still not known at what point life begins for politicians, or if in fact they are even human at all.

Tweet(s) of the Year c/o Melanie Karin. On gay marriage in Canada: “You can’t challenge an ancient law!” On abortion in Canada: “That law is 400 years old, change it!”

Strait Talk: Former Vancouver Olympics CEO John Furlong denies new allegations of decades-old abuse. He added that he has since returned to the community 200 kilometres west of Prince George, many times “without incident”. In other words, ‘I went back and managed not to abuse any natives, so I could never have done it’!

Ford calls media ‘bunch of pricks’. I mean they are, but so is he. Also, I love that there was a Ford commercial before that video: “you think you know Ford”?

60′s thinking: Major unions endorse mass sit-in to defend Canada’s west coast from tar sands pipelines and tankers. You know what would be more effective? A mass shit-in. Seriously. Think about it.

Canada’s broadband caps ‘almost a human rights violation’ says Netflix exec. That sort of puts all of our actual human rights violations into perspective, doesn’t it?

Genuine headline from The Province newspaper: Is that heroin in your nail gun or are you just happy to see me? Dudes, that doesn’t even mean anything!

Editorial: It’s not city hall’s job to help us make new friends. According to The Province, Vision Vancouver is actually to blame for making cycling lanes (among other things). I’m going to go ahead and up the ante and blame The Province, just because.

One could also blame them for instilling a culture of paranoia, one that Harper’s NewKanada would love to perpetuate as this CSIS recruitment video testifies. DON’T TALK TO STRANGERS!

Honour Bound: Call for Letters of Support.