by Sean Orr | Look at me. Don’t look at me! CNN profiles Vancouver in two-part video series. It’s like the film makers read too many press releases from Rennie Marketing Systems. “Sailing to me is an indication of quality of living” says Sam ‘I will tear out my adversaries throat with my teeth’ Sullivan, and according to some twit standing on a bridge that costs 25 bucks to walk over, “part of the appeal of this city is it’s geographical location”. So, what you’re telling us is that if Vancouver was actually in Montgomery, Alabama, it wouldn’t be the same city? Cool. But wait, change the music: “Yet while this is the city that seems to have it all, there is a downside to being so desirable”. It’s like my man Puff always used to say, the more money you got the more problems you got. (for the intrepid Scout reader, part 2 of the video series is actually pretty good).

Don’t drink the water: “Don’t Move to Vancouver”: Why I Changed My Mind After 6 Months. “So long! Adieu! It’s been nice, but now I feel like a young naïve girl who’s been tricked into having sex with a pretty but vapid jock”. Vancouver as date rape? There’s a new one.

Tear the whole thing up: Making Space for People on Robson Street. Aw, but then that douchey Ferrari salesman can’t park his stupid cars for everyone to gawk at. What I mean is, what if you make space for them, and they stopped coming?

Yeah but/why but: Canada one of worst places to invest in 2012: report. Is it because of our increasing poverty, our neo-conservative government, our great reneg on climate change, our sudden unconditional support for Israel, our wage gap being at its highest? Oh right, never mind. The economy completely ignores the social index. So, why then? “The heavily weighted energy and materials components of the TSX composite index exerted a considerable drag on the overall index performance”. Yeah, but why? “Of 10 TSX sub-indexes, energy stocks came in ninth with a loss of 5.42 per cent year-to-date and materials in tenth spot, off 5.58 per cent.” Ok, that’s great. But why? “China”. Oh, I see. Thanks.

No but srsly, we need to ship them some bitumen quick: Smog disconnect puzzles Metro air quality experts. Blame China! Oh, you already have!

Hey weird! When you inject lubricant into the earth’s crust it starts to move around a lot more: Earthquakes linked to oilpatch activity. Just try not to mention the massive subsidies we give these companies.

I’m telling you, they are taking over: Six new greenway additions coming soon to Surrey. And who even cares if they all run under massive high-tension transmission wires?

The bandwagon is officially full: B.C. politicians weigh in on Canucks’ Cup campaign. I call for the immediate separation of sport and state.

Owner of three Vancouver Subways named city’s worst boss. Somewhere, Emad Yacoub gives a huge sigh of relief.