Twitter Is Totally Evil And It Must Die Now

December 21, 2008 


With the huge exception of Hillary Clinton as SecState (still a choice that continues to bewilder me to no end), every hire has stoked me considerably (I even see the wisdom in Obama’s decision to have that colossal pinhead Rick Warren lead his inauguration invocation). His administration is shaping up to be a legion of geniuses, a huge contrast to that of George W. Bush’s, stuffed as it was with his Dad’s worst people and the ghosts of Texan anuses past. Case in point: look at his science advisors, just announced today (video above). After 8 years of EPA hijacking, stem cell politicisation, and climate change hucksterism, it looks like Science with a capital S is coming back to Washington.

The Coming Twitter Backlash

I’m still trying to decide whether or not I like Twitter or hate it and want to kill it dead. I loathe the terminology with a Ghengis-like fury (“tweet”, “re-tweet”, “twitterific”: are you fucking serious?), but etymological retardation is never grounds to despise the actual thing itself, right? MSNBC contributor Helen Popkin, however, is not so ambivalent:

Every generation must confront some change where the level of discourse is denuded. Twitter haters, for the most part, are the same people who defended violent video games, insisted that spell check doesn’t negatively affect spelling, and that IMing from your day job is no harm to productivity. Twitter is this generation’s movie of the book. And as every previous generation knows, the book is better.

And also, Twitter is stupid.

It really is. I mean, c’mon. You don’t have to get your bowels in an uproar to know that. Twitter is like an RSS feed to every boring aspect of your friend’s lives. And your friends are boring. How could they not be? Hourly updates on your best bud’s activities get dull pretty fast even if your best bud is Jack Bauer:

“woke up feeling all angsty…left arm tingly”

“oh noes…shot curtis today :-(”

“thinkin i gotta torture this guy. oh well”

“can’t remember last time i peed”


Yes, but if it can make for real snowball fights happen with just a few clicks…word. Sean Orr for Mayor of Gastown.

2012 Republicans = Awesome

Sarah Palin’s sudden (but totally holy) extended family is so damn entertaining:

Sherry Johnston, whose son is having a baby with the daughter of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, was arrested Thursday on drug charges, Alaska State Police said.

Hoovervilles & Hummervilles

Whaaa? Harper is going to give $4 billion of our money to the Canadian subsidiaries of American companies that specialise in super douche-carts (like this). I understand the need to plug dangerous faults in our economy and actually do something to ensure that 400,000 Canadian jobs don’t just disappear, but I also empathise with those who are totally bumfuzzled as to why we’re lifting a finger to help companies that make stupid products that nobody wants to buy. GM and Chrysler cars just suck. Give it up.

Do This Now

Local architect Gregory Henriquez’ “stop gap” program would see modular structures temporarily housing Vancouver’s homeless. The new mayor, Gregor Robertson, says he’s “definitely interested”. From The Tyee:

Numerous studies suggest that this sort of housing would save B.C. taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars a year in police, ambulance, and health expenses.

And if built quickly, the modular housing plan even holds the potential to transform the 2010 Winter Games from an international embarrassment — during which the world would discover that British Columbia built multi-million-dollar condos for 5,000 Olympic athletes while doing nothing to house its legion of more than 10,000 homeless — into a showcase of Canadian compassion.


“There are some major challenges, with finding the land and the funding being the two big ones. But I think that with both a provincial election and the Olympics coming, you’re going to see a growing urgency among senior levels of government to get housing built quickly, and this could be on the table,” Robertson told The Tyee.

Henriquez has been trying to do this for a few years now.

Leafs vs Canucks

Toronto Maple Leaf defenceman Tomas Kaberle upon learning Mats Sundin was signed by the Canucks: “Oh, he did, huh?” February 21st can’t come soon enough.

Film Wanking

Another Great Gatsby picture in the works? Another Jack Ryan film, too. Also, remember Blade Runner and the original Alien? Ridley Scott has a follow-up. And is this best scene in the baddest movie, ever?

No Words

Burger King launches beef-scented body spray for idiots. I shit you not.

The company describes the spray as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

I just threw up in my own mouth.

Wonk Funny

23/6′s take on yesterday’s death of Mark Felt (95), better known as Deep Throat and the man that brought down the Nixon White House:

we can only assume that someone finally got to him and shut him up.


Sweet Shoes, Dude

And lastly, remember the shoes that the Iraqi journalist threw at President Bush the other day? Well guess what? The Turkish company responsible for them says orders for the exact make (“Model 271″) are going through the roof.

  • Raul

    I *love* Twitter! Of course, it helps that I am considered one of Vancouver’s most prolific Twitterers ;)

    Tweet, tweet! BTW are we friends on Twitter?

  • Ian Davis

    Fuck twitter.

  • Stephen Bonner

    I think Twitter is interesting when you are following like minded networkers or interest groups otherwise its rubbish.

  • Anonymous

    Twitter is bollocks.
    At least it gives me details about people I should avoid.

  • HEY!!!

    Twitter isn’t a a social site its the opposite
    If a person twiits or what its called like everything they do they are anti-social
    Like when Twitter was down thousands of people were like WHAT AM I GONNA DO!?! MY LIFE IS OVER!!! WITHOUT TWITTER WHAT SHOULD I DO!?! And that isn’t socialism thats anti socialism Twitter is ruining peoples lives thats why TWITTER MUST DIE!